Page 107 of Love, Just In

Her eyes sparkle. ‘Maybe love is a checklist, after all. Just not the list you thought it was.’ She flips the volume down on the TV and rests her hands on her baby bump. ‘OK. You already know what I think about this, but I’m going to ask you this question. You love Zac, there’s no doubt. He is a very special person in your life, and he means a lot to you. But are youin lovewith him, Josie?’

There’s still a part of me that wishes I could say no—or even hesitate. But the answer already lives deep inside me, where it’s tattooed over my heart.

‘Yes,’ I say with a heavy sigh. ‘Yes, I’m in love with him. Maybe I have been the entire time and I’ve been in extreme denial—I don’t know.’ I clutch my stomach, trying to settle the nerves swirling there. ‘All I know is that I feel like driving up there right now and telling him how much I want him. But I’m so scared of something going wrong. It’s the weirdest situation. I’m caught between wanting to protect him fiercelyandbeing the one who could hurt him.’

‘Loveisscary,’ Christina replies. ‘And I bet it’s even scarier when it’s with someone who’s been your best friend until now. But, darling, these aren’t feelings you can just switch off. If you’re in love with him, and he’s in love with you, I don’t think either of you has a choice. You’re going to have to take the risk. Either that, or staycompletely away from each other, which sounds painful and unnecessary.’

I bite down on one of my fingernails. ‘I don’t know if he’s in love with me.’ Just saying those words crowds my chest with longing.

‘Well, there’s only one way to find out. You have to tell him how you feel, Josie. You have to roll the dice. Just remember that when you’re afraid, the fear is often worse than the danger itself.’

A heavy fog drifts over me as my thoughts travel from my heart to another part of my chest.

Not when it’s cancer.

The sky is barely lit when Christina yanks open the guest-room curtains. I cry out in protest before pulling a pillow over my head.

‘I have an idea,’ she says with a zing in her voice that no one should have at this time of day.

I open one eye. ‘It better involve me going back to sleep for a year.’

The bed dips with the weight of two people when she sits beside me. ‘I’m having breakfast with Oliver Novak this morning.’

‘What?’ I gasp, sitting up on my elbows. ‘You didn’t tell me that.’

‘He only texted this morning—just before six am, mind you—saying he has a meeting in Kirribilli at nine, and do I want to meet for breakfast. So very Oliver.’She laughs knowingly, like it’s normal to have the CEO of Channel One News think of you as an ideal breakfast date.

‘Anyway,’ Christina continues, ‘you’re going to come along and convince him to give you a screen test for my maternity gig.’

My lungs fly into my throat. ‘Oh god, no.No.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because the reason I’m even down here is that a gaffe I made on live TV wentviral, and there’s no way Oliver doesn’t know about that. I do have some dignity, believe it or not.’

‘Yesterday’s news,’ she scoffs, knowing full well that’s a load of crap. She flings the striped quilt off me. ‘Now get up. This opportunity has dropped out of the sky like it’s meant to be, and you’re not missing it. The worst that can happen is you get to know Oliver a little better, which is a great thing for your career. And you just never know, darling. If he likes you, he will consider you, I guarantee it. Oliver does what he wants; always has.’

It’s painfully clear that she’s not going to back down, so with a terrified sigh, I crawl out of bed and head into the shower to get cleaned up.

My stomach turns into a washing machine on spin cycle during our short stroll to Christina’s favourite café. When Oliver strides in ten minutes late, I nearly throw up into my coffee, but at least I made Christina text him to give him a heads-up that I was coming.

She plants an air kiss on his cheek, and I mirror the move, my lips landing on the edge of his ear as he turns his head.Oh, Jesus.

Oliver brushes it off with a gruff chuckle and orders himself a double espresso, speaking at a million miles per hour and freaking out the waiter with his authoritative tone. He’s so ripe for one of my impersonations that I have to school my features not to slip into one by accident.

For the first ten minutes, Oliver angles his designer jacket towards Christina and chats with her like I’m not even here. She keeps trying to bring me into the conversation, but it’s evident that Oliver couldn’t care less what I have to say, and I work hard to not let the disappointment show on my face.

‘Have you given more thought to who you’ll get to replace me?’ Christina asks him boldly, and I nearly make a run for it.

Oliver dabs his mouth with his napkin. ‘I’m considering options. Dev’s coming up from Melbourne to screen test, but I don’t know. I’d like someone with a bit more pop. You know you are a hard act to follow, my dear.’

She smiles, blushing. ‘Thank you. But I know someone who would be excellent. Smooth delivery, beautiful voice, lovely face. Plus, she has gravitasandempathy.’

He twists his blindingly expensive watch. ‘And that would be?’

‘Josie Larsen,’ she blurts through an awkward half-laugh before lifting her mug to her lips.

I want to slide right through the floor, fall through the centre of the earth, and into the pits of hell where no one can find me.

---