Page 41 of Give Me a Reason

Frederick did the only thing he could. He turned his back on Anne and walked out of the house without another word.

SIX YEARS AGO…

Anne,

You left me four years ago, but I haven’t let you go. Not completely.

I am letting you go now.

I will not hate myself anymore because I wasn’t enough for you. I’m not going to punish myself, working a job that gives me no joy, so I could meet society’s idea of “success”—youridea of success. I will stop shrinking in on myself with shame that I grew up an orphan. That I grew up poor. I will not live with impotent anger against my shitty lot in life.

My life has not been shitty. My sister did her best to raise me when she was barely more than a child herself. I love her, and I’ll always be grateful to her. And I’m proud of the life I’ve lived. I worked hard to make something of myself. My every success means more, because none of it was handed to me. Iearnedevery single one of them.

From this moment forward, I intend to be even prouder of the life I choose to live. I’m going to livemylife, doing what I love—something that has meaning tome. The ghost of your disapproval will no longer dictate the choices I make. OnlyIhave a say in who I am and what I’m worth. I will love and value myself the way I deserve, even though you couldn’t… even though you wouldn’t.

I won’t regret letting you walk out the door that night. I’ll stop wishing I’d fought for you harder, scrounging my brain for what I could’ve said to make you stay. You left me four years ago, and… I’m finally letting you go.

Goodbye, Anne.

Frederick

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Ten years ago, Anne had been the one to turn her back on Frederick. She’d been the one to walk out of his apartment, shutting the door resolutely behind her—foolishly certain that she was doing what was best for them both. Naïve enough to believe that her aunt, someone older and wiser, knew better than what her own heart was screaming at her. But tonight, she was the one who watched his face turn to stone—the one who watched him walk away without a backward glance.

As she sat on the piano bench, her blood pounding deafeningly in her ears, all she could see was himleavingher. Every line of his body—his straight back, his tense shoulders—telling her this was the end. She told herself there had been nothing left to end, but she felt it nonetheless, the devastation of loss. She finally understood what Frederick saw when he looked at her. She understood his anger. Because he would always see her walking away from him.

Anne had been too terrifyingly happy to wonder what it meant for Frederick to smile at her again, to touch her again. Now that she had lost it, she knew exactly what it had meant.Warmth.In the cold, barren landscape of her broken heart, his smile and his touch had been warmth that could have been nurtured into something precious.

But she had ruined everything. Choked with fear, she forgotevery one of her acting skills and gave away the secret herself. When Frederick realized who her aunt was, whatever part of him had thawed toward Anne had frozen solid again. He had looked at her with something bordering on horror, like she had betrayed him in the worst kind of way.

She gasped as realization dawned on her. The lingering hurt she’d sensed beneath his anger hadn’t been only about her breaking up with him. He’d been carrying around the wound of her aunt’s disapproval—of how a stranger had written him off as unworthy. She should have grabbed his hand and taken him far away from this house while she had the chance.

Suddenly, Anne was so furious that she couldn’t see straight. She pushed away from the piano, the bench groaning against the hardwood floors, and ran out of the living room. Then she bounded up the stairs and burst into Coraline’s room, her chest heaving from an onslaught of emotions.

The room hadn’t changed much since their childhood. Happy memories of lazy days spent listening to music and sharing secrets with her cousin warred with the hopelessness that threatened to engulf her. She sank onto the edge of her cousin’s bed and tried to catch her breath, but her anger refused to calm.

“Anne, is everything all right?” Her aunt sat down on the bed beside her and took hold of her hand. Her expression morphing from concern to shock, she grabbed her other hand as well. “Your fingers feel like ice. What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I amnotokay.” Anne shot to her feet, ripping her hands away from her aunt, and stormed to the opposite end of the room. “You want to know what’s going on? Do you even realize who that man was?”

“What man, my dear?” Her aunt made to stand from her perch on the bed.

“No. Stay there.” Anne held up her palm. “I can’t have you near me right now.”

The blood drained from her aunt’s face. “Anne?”

“Captain Nam.He’s Frederick.MyFrederick.” Her voice rose and broke. “He’s the manyouconvinced me to leave all those years ago.”

“Oh, sweetie. I had no idea.” Her aunt shook her head. “But that was ten years ago. I’m sorry if things were awkward, but you two must have moved on ages ago. I don’t understand why you’re so angry.”

“Moved on?” With a shrill laugh, the truth escaped from Anne’s trembling lips. “I love him. I will always love him. Don’t you see? You convinced me to give up my very heart.”

Anne crumpled to the floor and buried her face in her hands. She loved him. She had pretended what she felt was regret for the past and hope for a new beginning. But it was love. It had always been love. Frederick was her past, present, and future.

“I know it was my decision in the end. I’m the one who left him.” Anne pounded her fist on her chest. “But I was only twenty-one. I hardly knew my own mind.”

“Yes, you were only twenty-one. And he… he wasnineteen. A… a teenager,” her aunt stuttered. “You two were stillkids. I… I had no idea. I didn’t think you even understood what love was…”

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