Page 12 of Give Me a Reason

“I…” Anne glanced around the table at her family.

Before she went to Korea, she’d been the one to hostThanksgiving dinner, cooking all day long. She couldn’t imagine her father or Juliette having planned anything. Besides, giving thanks wasn’t their forte. That left Tessa. Anne raised her brows at her younger sister.

“I’m ordering in Chinese and working on my paper because my sadistic advisor thought it would be fun to have a paper due on the Monday after Thanksgiving.” Tessa huffed a sigh. “I’m kidding. Not about the due date, but about my advisor being sadistic. She’s just a genius who forgets about trivial mortal nonsense like major national holidays. I’m so sorry, Unni.”

Tessa was a PhD candidate at USC’s computer science department. Between her classes and her research work at the prestigious Information Sciences Institute, she hardly had time to sleep. She shouldn’t have to worry about Anne.

“You don’t need to apologize.” She patted her younger sister’s hand across the table.

Then Anne looked once more at her father, who was chatting with Joe, and at Juliette, who was scrolling through her phone. While they were nowhere near as busy as Tessa, they obviously had no interest in how she spent her first Thanksgiving back in the States.

Not allowing herself to feel disappointed, she turned to Coraline. “I would love to join you guys for Thanksgiving dinner.”

“That’s wonderful. Joe’s on duty this Thanksgiving, so we’ll be celebrating at the station.” Her cousin met her fiancé’s adoring eyes and didn’t continue for a moment, seeming to forget the rest of the world. “Where was I? Oh yes. It actually works out perfectly, because two of the groomsmen will be there. Chief Lin and Captain Nam.”

Anne accidentally swallowed her tongue. Or at least, it felt like it. Her eyes bulged, and she couldn’t breathe. Tessa handed her a glass of wine and watched with concern as Anne gulped down the entire thing. She forced a closemouthedsmile at her younger sister’s questioning glance even as panic slammed into her.

No, no, no.She had to get out of it. But how? She’d just told them she was free. A part of her wanted to fess up and tell Coraline the truth about her relationship with Frederick, but Anne didn’t want to bare her soul to her cousin over something that happened a decade ago. Coraline probably wouldn’t understand why Anne was still torn up over Frederick. Even her aunt didn’t know how deeply she had loved him.

Anne had met Frederick at a party while she was a senior at UC San Diego and he was a sophomore at San Diego State. They connected right away, like pieces of a puzzle sliding into place. They talked on the roof deck for hours until the sounds of the party faded and the sun rose around them in a haze of blue, washed with warm orange.

In some ways, that morning had felt like the first morning of her life—a wondrous, vibrant new beginning—and it had been. They were together for the most glorious six months and nine days of her life before she ruined… everything.

Now she couldn’t even remember what it was like to feel soalive. She’d forgotten how it felt to be whole and content. How could she when she had a yawning fissure down her soul? Maybe she was being a touch melodramatic, but she couldn’t care less. She was due for a proper mope.

“The only people missing from the wedding party will be Tessa, because of her genius advisor and her ill-timed assignment.” Coraline’s voice sounded far away, like it was coming from the bottom of a canyon. “And Aiden, Joe’s younger brother, because he’s a medical student at Johns Hopkins, all the way in Baltimore.”

“We nerds never get to have any fun,” Tessa said with an impish grin.

“I thought working on the paperwasyour idea of fun.” Coraline laughed when Tessa stuck her tongue out at her. Then she turnedback to Anne and said, “Anyway, it’ll be like a prerehearsal dinner. Those of you there can get to know one another before the wedding. It’ll be great.”

“Yes,” Anne agreed weakly. “Great.”

Auntie Sharon smiled and nodded at something Tessa said, oblivious to Anne’s distress. Her aunt must not know that Joe worked with Frederick. No, she just didn’t know that Captain Nam wasAnne’sFrederick. She had no idea that spending Thanksgiving at the fire station meant Anne had to spend a cozy holiday dinner withthe one that got away. What would her imo think if she knew? Would she still think that Frederick wasn’t right for Anne?

But Anne couldn’t feign much interest in what her aunt thought. She was too busy reeling from her shifting emotions. Dread prickled her scalp as her blood pounded in her ears in rhythm with her pounding heart. But butterflies also took flight in her stomach, and a delicious shiver ran down her spine.

She was scared yetelectrifiedby the prospect of seeing Frederick again. He would be cold to her—and it would hurt—but she would take pain over the numb apathy that had taken up residence inside her. For too long, she had watched her life drift by, like a spectator with nothing to lose.

Was it selfish of her, since seeing her would only remind Frederick of the pain she’d caused him? Or could this be a blessing in disguise? Being in Joe and Coraline’s wedding together might give Anne a chance to set things right with Frederick.

She had no idea how, but she would find a way to ease the hurt she’d caused him. Then she could move on.

But why did the thought of moving on break her heart anew?

CHAPTER FOUR

“Is that all you got, Nam?” Joe yelled in Frederick’s face, his voice echoing in the otherwise unoccupied fire station gym.

“Yes, it is,” Frederick gritted through his teeth, even as he pushed himself to do one more bench press. His lieutenant was a great workout partner, but he was also irritating as fuck.

“Come on, Captain. I know you have one last rep in you. Do it for the team.” Joe clapped so loudly that Frederick’s ears rang. “You got this.”

Frederick dropped the barbell on the rack after finishing theone last repand sat up on the bench. Panting from the brutal workout, he glared at his grinning friend. “Seriously?Do it for the team?”

“Sure. Why not? You love us.” Joe shrugged unrepentantly. “I got that last rep out of you, didn’t I?”

“Aren’t you afraid of reprisal when it’s your turn?” Frederick grabbed his towel and made a big show of wiping down the bench. “Your turn, Lieutenant.”

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