Page 83 of A Sweet Mess

Aubrey had thought she’d wanted to stop hoping. She’d thought she’d wanted closure. But she was wrong. She wasn’t strong enough. She, too, was a coward in the face of what he was offering. His vulnerability. Her power. It was too much. If she opened her heart to him and he broke it again, she wouldn’t be able to survive. Not this time.

Sorry, baby girl. Mommy’s too afraid. I’m too afraid to fight anymore.

The light seemed to go out of Aubrey, and Landon’s heart fell like a rock sinking to the bottom of the riverbed.No. God, no.There was no hate. No anger. There was nothing. He would rather have her contempt and disgust. God knew he deserved that. But her empty eyes shot icy fear through him. He was too late. She was done with him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Aubrey.” He gripped her hands in desperation.Get angry. Slap me if you’d like. Just don’t leave me.

“I can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t.” Her voice was small and far away. Like she’d already left him.

“Everything went to hell when I let you go. I can’t live without you.” He blinked rapidly to ward off the moisture gathering in the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t lose her again. “Please give us a chance.”

“I can’t. I tried, but I ended up losing you.”

Landon clawed at his chest. It hurt so much. But he wasn’t giving up. If this was what it took to win her back, then he’d suffer this and more.

“If you’ll have me, you will never lose me. You’ll never be rid of me.” He huffed with nervous laughter. “I love you, and I’m going to fight for our love. I won’t give up.”

“I’m scared, Landon. I can’t fight for us again.”

“Then don’t. I’ll do the fighting for both of us. It took me so long to find my way back to you. This is it for me. You are my life. I would crawl through hell for you. I’ll fight for us even if it means I have to carry you to do it. Trust me. I won’t drop you. Losing you means losing myself. I will never give up on us. Please, Aubrey.”

A sob wrenched from her, and she cried. Her agony and grief poured out of her and gutted him. He’d done this to her. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness or love. He deserved to burn in hell. But he could never go because he had to stay with Aubrey and their baby to love, cherish, and protect them. To shout from the rooftops he was theirs. If only they’d have him.

“I’m here.” He sat beside her and gathered her into his lap. “I’ll always be here. I’ll never let you go.”

After a long while, her sobs quieted, and she stayed in his arms. His breath caught in his throat with a rush of hope.

“I’ll spend the rest of my life cherishing you. If you’ll have me, I’m forever yours—body, heart, and soul.”

She sighed softly, warming his neck with her breath. He shivered and sat still, afraid she would disappear from his arms if he moved. Finally, she lifted her head and searched his face.

“Landon, what have you been doing to yourself?”

“Trying to survive, I guess. Trying not to feel, not to remember, not to hurt.” He released his breath in a shuddering sigh, relieved that she was talking to him again. His reflection in the mirror that morning had been gaunt and pale. Eating and sleeping hadn’t been on the top of his to-do list. “Mostly trying to keep myself away from you.”

“Why? Why didn’t you come for me sooner?”

“I couldn’t even let myself hope that there was a chance you’d take me back. I’d hurt you so badly. I was too ashamed and too scared to go to you. But the more time has passed, the clearer it has become that I can’t live without you.”

“I read your article inCalifornia Coast Monthly,” she said in a hushed tone.

“You did?” he said dumbly. He didn’t know what else to say. Did she know, then? Did she understand how much he loved her? Landon rubbed a hand down his face.

“You said you were hopelessly in love with the pastry chef. I’m assuming you meant me.”

“You. Only you. Always you.”

“Landon?”

“Hmm?” He was staring at her like the lovesick man he was. He shook his head to clear it. “Sorry. What is it?”

“You’ve been sayingsorrya lot.”

“Because I am. I truly am.”

“No, I mean, you never say the actual wordsorry.You always own your mistakes and do everything in your power to make things right, but I’ve never heard you saysorrybefore.”

“I never realized that.” Landon cocked his head to the side and wondered what she meant. Did he really never use that word? He believed mere lip service was meaningless without action. “An apology feels pointless when it doesn’t change anything. I guess I prefer to right my wrongs with actions rather than words.”

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