Page 15 of Heiress Gone Wild

Her hands were shaking, she noticed, and pride impelled her to clench them into fists so her guardian wouldn’t see. “In the few replies he bothered to write, he always said the same things. That he’d send for me, that there’d be plenty of time for us to be together when I grew up. ‘Soon,’ he’d always say. ‘Soon we’ll see each other again—’”

Her voice broke, and she had to pause for a deep breath before she could go on. “In your judgement of my behavior,” she said after a moment, “have you ever considered what my life has been like? Mrs. Forsyte is a kind woman, but she’s not and never could be a mother to me. My father was my only family, and despite all his promises, it was clear he did not want me. Do you have any idea how it feels to live year after year on promises?”

“I do, yes. Believe that or not.”

“Can you also understand what it did to me when I finally realized all my father’s promises were lies? That when he died, I knew ‘soon’ was never, ever, going to come?”

“Yes, I can.” His voice was low, his reply a simple acknowledgement that made her feel worse.

Her throat tightened again, threatening to choke her, and she continued quickly, while she still could. “Forgive me, Mr. Deverill, if my father’s death gives me little cause for grief and his way of protecting me fails to inspire my gratitude. I realize that for you, his passing was a wrenching loss and that pain over his death is whatyoufeel, but for my part, I feel as if I’ve been let out of prison. And now that I’m free, I have no intention of going back behind bars. I’m not going into mourning, for I will not play the hypocrite and pretend to grieve for a man I hardly knew, a man who never gave a damn about being any sort of real father to me.”

“Even if society judges you unfavorably for your choice?”

“Even then. I am going to laugh and dance and enjoy myself and wear whatever colors I please. I’m going to do the season, meet young men, fall in love, and get married. And when I do, you can bet the man I choose will be a better husband and father than Billy McGann ever dreamed of being. I intend to have a real home and a real family and a life worth living, and I don’t give a damn if any of that breaks rules of propriety, offends society, or inconveniences you.”

With that, she turned and walked out, slamming the door of her new guardian’s stateroom behind her, taking enormous satisfaction in the very loud bang.

Chapter 5

Jonathan scowled at the closed door, fully aware that as a guardian, he wasn’t acquitting himself very well. But really, he thought in baffled exasperation, could any other man put in this situation have done better?

Even as he asked himself that question, he knew that wasn’t the point. Responsibility for her welfare, her reputation, and her future was in his hands now, and if anything happened to tarnish her—which given her speech of a few moments ago, was quite likely—he would be to blame. Despite all her brave talk, she was an innocent young woman, and he was a man of the world. He knew far better than she how easily her good name could be blackened by even the most trivial incident, and the girl herself seemed to possess no sense of self-preservation. Nor any sense of sorrow.

You talk of the sacrifices my father made on my behalf, but the truth is that for him, there was no sacrifice.

He’d always known Billy was no saint, but her condemnations of his late friend had nonetheless been hard to hear. And though she may have ignored his wishes and defied his plans, her fiery speech was forcing him to admit she had cause to resent her parent.

I feel as if I’ve been let out of prison. And now that I’m free, I have no intention of going back behind bars.

But even as her defiant words went through his mind, he felt sure she didn’t truly appreciate the consequences of that defiance. She couldn’t toss the restrictions of society back at the very people who imposed them and expect those people to accept her anyway. They would not, and he knew it. It was his job to see that she complied with the rules.

Once they got to London, he’d hurl himself on the mercy of his sisters, and hopefully, they’d agree to watch over the girl while he went to Africa, but until then, he was on his own in managing her. The surest way to avoid gossip, criticism, and unwanted attention was for her to stay in her cabin, but he couldn’t see how to guarantee she did. Ordering her would probably be as effective as leaving her behind had been. Locking her in her cabin wouldn’t do, and he doubted it would work anyway. If he locked her in, she’d find a way to pick the lock.

No, employing persuasion and reason, not authority and force, was his best option. Once her temper cooled, he could surely make her see that following the rules was the way to gain her what she wanted. And it wouldn’t hurt if he reminded her of all the wonderful things she had to look forward to next spring if she behaved with decorum now.

If such a strategy was to work, he’d have to mend their fences. An apology on his part was required, as well as his reassurance that she would not be abandoned, as she felt her father had done to her.

Glad he had a specific course of action, Jonathan shaved, dressed for dinner, and left his room. He went in search of the purser, where a short explanation of his position as guardian, along with a pair of silver dollars, gained him Miss McGann’s cabin number.

A few minutes later, he knocked on her door, hoping like hell she was inside and not off gallivanting around the ship. To his relief, the bolt slid back almost at once and the door opened.

His relief, however, was short-lived. She had changed out of her walking suit into a velvet evening frock, and though it was black, there was nothing else about it that resembled mourning attire. The tiny cap sleeves and low neckline revealed far too much of her creamy skin. Even worse, the garment was tightly fitted, flaring out from her body only at her knees, and the way it hugged the hourglass curves of her figure was something no guardian could ever approve.

The sight of her in such a gown served to increase both his apprehensions and his resolve, but since beginning their conversation by laying down the law about what she could wear would get him nowhere, he didn’t even raise an eyebrow. Instead, he bowed.

“Miss McGann,” he said as he straightened. “Might I have a few moments of your time?”

“Are you sure you should be here?” Leaning past him, she peered up and down the deserted corridor. “What if you’re seen skulking about outside my room? Heavens, what would people say?”

“Don’t be impudent. It’s the height of bad manners to give a man cheek when he’s come to make amends.”

“Oh, is that why you’re here? To apologize?”

Take your medicine, old chap.“I am.”

“All right, then.” She fell silent, waiting, making it clear that he was expected to give chapter and verse right here in the doorway.

Jonathan, however, had no intention of doing so. As she’d pointed out, the longer he lingered out here, the more likely it was someone would see him. “May I come in?”

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