Page 44 of Heiress Gone Wild

“Me?”

“Yes. There’s something I must say to you, and since we’re almost to Torquil House, I’d best say it now, while we’re still alone. I may not have another chance.” Abruptly, he moved to sit directly opposite her. “Yesterday, you said I’m like a father to you.”

“Oh, don’t!” she cried, hating to be reminded of that remark. It seemed ludicrous now, after their extraordinary kiss. “Forget I said that, please.”

“I can’t. It was a fair comparison, given my responsibilities. And yet...” He paused, and his expression changed, softened, something coming into it that was hot and tender and sent her heart slamming into her ribs. “I didn’t see it that way at the time.”

She stared into his eyes and the passion in their tawny depths made those torrid moments in her stateroom more vivid than ever. “You didn’t?”

“No. In fact, I was quite insulted.” He leaned back, putting distance between them. “And the result was unforgivable.”

Marjorie stirred. “I wouldn’t quite say that,” she said faintly.

“I would. I must. I gave my word to your father that I would look after you, and what I did was the exact opposite of that. For my intemperate actions, you have my deepest apologies. I realize,” he rushed on before she could speak, “that you resent your father, and you have good cause, but we both know I’m not much different.”

“I don’t know that.” The words were barely out of her mouth before she remembered how she’d been telling herself all these same things aboard the train a short time ago. She did know. She’d known all along.

His next words reinforced that bitter fact. “Yes, you do. We both know the sort of man I am. I’ve never pretended to be anything else.”

“But don’t you ever want a home?” she cried, frustrated and baffled. “Don’t you want to settle down, marry, have children?”

His expression hardened. “I did once,” he said, reminding her of the dreams he’d had and lost. “But now? No.” He paused, considering. “Someday, perhaps.”

Someday.God, how she loathed that word.

“I don’t understand,” she said, feeling wretched. “You really intend to spend the rest of your days roaming the globe? Is that what you want from life?”

He smiled a little. “You asked me that same question the first night aboard ship.”

“And you never answered it.”

“Then let me do so now.” He leaned forward, his knees brushing hers in the confined space. “I don’t know what I want, Marjorie, and that’s the truth. Growing up, I always had a clear picture of what my life would be. At eighteen, I was in love and engaged to be married. Like you, I was sure just where I fit into the world, and what I wanted. I had no doubts, no fears. And then, it all fell apart. In a single afternoon, I lost everything that mattered to me. And I don’t think... I don’t think there’s anything that can replace it.”

“Why does anything need to replace it? You’re wealthy. You could be a man of leisure—”

“Be part of the idle rich, you mean?” He shook his head. “Being idle isn’t in my nature, and as I already told you, money itself doesn’t matter much to me. Oh, I relished the fact that my father could no longer say I was worthless, and I’m glad I was able to help my sisters save Deverill Publishing. And I do enjoy playing the markets, but that’s just for fun. The truth is, I can’t imagine what would impel me to settle down, but it would have to be bigger and more exciting than anything I’ve come across yet. I thrive on challenge—”

“Well, that means you’re not like my father at all!” she cried, sounding as cross as she felt. “Because he never met a challenge he didn’t run away from. And, whatever you say, I think you’re a far better man than he ever was.”

“Now you’re just being romantic,” he said, his voice so tender it hurt.

She looked away, knowing he was right. Despite everything she knew, despite everything she’d been telling herself, she had started having romantic notions about him without even realizing it. He may have given her her first kiss, but she suspected that sort of thing didn’t mean much. Jonathan had probably kissed plenty of girls already, and God help any of them if they’d ever pinned any romantic hopes on him because of it.

People didn’t change, she knew that well enough from her father’s example. If a man was born to roam, he wasn’t about to give it up, not even for love. She knew that from watching her mother’s pain.

In the wake of her silence, he leaned closer, tapping the window that gave a view of the elegant street outside. “That’s the life you want, but I left that life a long time ago, and I haven’t missed it.”

She didn’t reply. Instead, she stared out at the opulent houses that lined Park Lane as the passion of her first kiss turned to dust and ashes.

“You say you resent your father for not settling down? Then resent me, too, for the same reason.”

“But I can’t,” she cried, making that galling admission as the carriage rolled to a stop. “Not after... after...” She paused, the memory of that kiss making her blush even now. “I can’t resent you,” she whispered.

“I wish you would,” he muttered. “Because if you don’t—” He broke off and turned away to yank open the carriage door. “God help us both.”

Giving her no chance to reply, he exited the vehicle without even waiting for the driver to roll out the steps.

Chapter 12

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