Page 92 of The Trouble with True Love

“Rex—”

“I’m not asking you to marry me, I’m asking you for the chance to court you honorably, as any woman deserves.” He took a breath and grabbed her hands. “I want the chance to win you, to show you that my affections are unwavering and my love is true. I know you don’t love me, and I know I can’t make you do so, but I want to try anyway—”

“You’re wrong,” she cried, unable to bear it, unable to wait another moment to tell him what she felt. “I do love you.”

“What?” He stared at her, understandably astonished. “You mean it?” When she nodded, he let go of her hands, cupped her cheeks, and kissed her mouth. “You’re serious?”

“Yes. I love you. The truth is,” she added, her voice going a bit teary and wobbly, “I’ve been falling in love with you a little bit every day, from the moment I first saw you.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so, woman, for God’s sake?” he demanded and kissed her again. “You’ve been falling in love with me all along? And you never said. I lusted after you, ruined you, proposed to you, and fell in love with you, and you never said a word about loving me. Couldn’t you at least have given me a hint?”

“No, because I didn’t want to admit it, not even to myself. I fought it every step of the way, denying it because I was afraid, and I was trying to protect myself. I didn’t ever want to fall in love with a man like you.”

“Because you knew I was not a marrying sort?”

“Well, yes, that, and because of your reputation, and your looks and—”

“Wait,” he cut her off. “You refused to let yourself fall in love with me because of the way I look?”

“Partly, yes. Well, look at you!” she burst out, pulling back, waving her hand in a gesture encompassing his perfect face and splendid body. “You could snap your fingers and have any girl you wanted.”

“Not any girl,” he said with a sigh, giving her a meaningful glance. “Or we’d have gotten married weeks ago.”

“Nearly any girl,” she said firmly. “I knew that from the moment I first saw you with Elsie Clark.”

His brows drew together in puzzlement. “Who?”

“Elsie Clark, the waitress at Mrs. Mott’s, the girl you practically charmed out of her skirts right there in the tea shop just to show your friend how it’s done. And the fact that you don’t even remember her,” she added as he displayed no signs of recognition, “rather proves my point. I put any desire for you right out of my head, not only because it was always clear you’re not a marrying man, but also because I knew it was a fairy tale. Why, I thought, would a man like you ever fall for a girl like me?”

“Wait.” He stopped her, wrapping an arm around her waist and hauling her against him. “Stop right there. I’m not going to deny that looks matter, because yours do. They matter to me. From your adorable nose and ripping smile,” he said, the fingertips of his free hand caressing her face, “to your mile-long legs and tiny, pretty feet, I love everything about the way you look. And,” he added, “I believe I made my opinion on that score quite clear months ago, on that same settee we’ve been talking about.”

She smiled, remembering that extraordinary afternoon and how he’d discussed her facial features one by one. “So you did. And what’s so strange is that even as you made me afraid for my heart, you taught me how not to be afraid of anything else. All my life, I’ve been protected and sheltered by my sister, and I’ve allowed myself to be comfortable there. I wanted to be married partly so that I could continue to be comfortable and safe. The first time I ever had to be accountable for anything was when Irene went away on her honeymoon, and I had to start relying on my own judgement, but I didn’t trust it. I was afraid of making mistakes, and to my mind, you would be any girl’s biggest mistake. But I’ve changed, Rex, and you are the reason why.”

He shook his head. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, my lamb.”

“No, it was you. It was all because of you. You saw me in a different light than anyone else ever has, you gave me my first real glimmer of self-confidence, bolstered my judgement when I made decisions—”

His chuckle of laughter interrupted her. “You mean Mr. Beale, I take it?”

“Him, for one. I hired you to write Lady Truelove, and though it was a move of desperation, I knew instinctively that you’d be good at it, and you proved me right. You’re the one who told me I should trust myself—”

“Advice I’ve been questioning ever since you turned down my marriage proposal.”

“Which I was quite right to have done,” she countered at once. “But my point is that none of these changes in me would have happened if you hadn’t come along. One week of doing Lady Truelove, and I’d have been begging Irene to come home. And I’d never have fired Mr. Beale, or learned not to worry about making mistakes, and I’d never have developed any confidence in myself or known what I was capable of. I’ve been running the paper, hiring staff, making editorial decisions, and it’s been so much easier than I ever thought it could be, because I’ve learned to trust myself and my own judgement. If it weren’t for you, none of that would ever have happened.”

“Well, if that’s true, could you exercise your judgement in a way that doesn’t make me insane?”

Smiling, she slid her arms up around his neck. “Most important,” she added softly, “I’d never have known that I was a desirable woman. You showed me that, when you kissed me. That was the turning point, really, for after that, I just started to... to bloom.”

“Yes, so I noted at the time, and what an agony it was to watch it happen, let me tell you. All those other men dancing with you that night at the ball made me feel absolutely savage. And then, seeing you across the dinner table at Lisle, laughing with Paul—Paul, of all men, who is a bigger rake than I ever was—”

“Coming from you,” she cut in, quoting his own words from the ball back to him, “that’s rich.”

“I’m not joking, Clara. The hearts of shopgirls all over Oxfordshire are broken now that’s he done at university. And seeing you laughing with him that night at Lisle... well, that may have been what pushed me over the edge and brought me to your room that night. As for me,” he added, his arms tightening around her waist, “I want to reiterate what I told you the night we had champagne in your office. I left my rakish ways behind quite some time ago.”

“My sister would not agree with you there.”

“Don’t I know it? She was barely civil to me when I called on her a fortnight ago. I think if I hadn’t declared right up front that my intent to marry you was undimmed, she might very well have shot me.”

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