Page 42 of Guilty Pleasures

Daphne set the slices of bread aside and returned half a loaf to the basket. She then pulled out a wedge of cheese. “Tell me more about what it is like to be a duke,” she said as she began to pare off slices of Cheddar.

“It is not a romantic adventure,” he said. “It can feel like a prison. It can also feel like heaven. Most of the time, it is tedious and trivial and deadly dull. It has compensations, good ones—wealth, power, and prestige.”

“And influence. To think of all the good things one can do with money. If you could see the poverty I have seen—”

“I should hate it and be angered by it, for waste and futility always anger me, and there would be nothing I could do to truly alleviate it. If I gave all my money away, the world would still be just as full of poor people, sad to say.”

“Yes,” she agreed. “I suppose it would.”

“I do what I can. There are charities, and they are one of the greatest responsibilities I have. Politics, too, of course. And tenants. Then there is the constant scrutiny and the never-ending struggle for privacy.”

“When I was in the village today, I met Sir Edward’s wife and daughters, and they were talking with Mrs. Bennington about you. They said you were a very private man.”

His insides tightened, for they had probably discussed him at length. His father’s illness and death were always a favorite topic of gossip and speculation. “I have no doubt they told you quite a bit more than that, Miss Wade.”

“Not very much, and in what they did tell me, there was no spite or malice, if that is what you imply.”

Anthony gave a humorless laugh. “It was probably a short conversation, then.” He glanced at her and found that she had stopped slicing cheese. She was watching him with that solemn face, no different than usual, and yet, he could feel censure in her silence, censure and a hint of sadness. “I do not like gossip, Miss Wade,” he felt compelled to say. “I do not like my life, my family, and every move I make to be the subject of discussion. I take a great deal of trouble to give gossips little to talk about.”

“Yet you have accused me of being secretive and mysterious and giving nothing away. Perhaps, despite the difference in our rank and position, we are not so very different after all.”

She spoke as if she were surprised by her own words. “Yes,” he admitted, just as surprised as she. “I suppose we are.”

“As to gossip about you, you might be relieved to know that all of it was kindly meant. You were described as a very handsome man, as well as a good and kind landlord. The main criticisms leveled at you were given by Sir Edward’s daughters and were limited to three. You are somewhat intimidating, you do not give enough parties for the local gentry, and you never attend the assemblies in Wychwood. They agreed that if you ever spoke with one of them during their strolls in your park or if you ever asked either of them to dance at an assembly, their reaction would be to faint dead away.”

“I am gratified that I make young ladies swoon. Another of a duke’s many duties.”

“Do you not find their adoration to be a compliment?”

There was reproof behind that cool, soft voice, and he felt defensive again. “They do not even know me. My rank, my wealth, and perhaps my appearance allow them to build my life into some sort of fantasy, a fantasy in which they believe they should like to take part.”

Daphne bit her lip as if she were holding back a sharp reply. She looked away and said, “It might be a fantasy, but it is a harmless one.”

Anthony sensed that was not what she had wanted to say, and he would have given a great deal to hear the words she held back. He waited, but she said nothing more.

He stared into the distance, down into the brilliant autumn scenery of the land he owned. “You are right. I admit it freely. Their attentions are harmless, and a true compliment to me.” He looked over at the woman beside him. “I should do well to remember that.”

“Yes,” she replied, looking back at him. “You should.”

He gave her a wry smile. “Why is it that when I am with you, Miss Wade, I can never feel myself to be quite as arrogant a fellow as you have declared me to be? Quite the opposite, in fact, for with you I often feel the humbling effects of having been put in my place.”

“I had no idea that my comments should have such an impact upon you.”

“They do, for I am coming to have a high regard for your opinion. Please do not interpret my lack of enthusiasm for the attentions of Sir Edward’s daughters to mean I am a callous man. But there are times when the duties of my position can be a great burden. As the daughters of a knight, the Miss Fitzhughs have no true comprehension how great a burden that position can be.”

“I understand what you mean,” she said, lowering her head to stare at the knife in her hand. “But one could also look upon such a life as a great comfort.”

“I do not take my position for granted, I assure you. I fully understand and appreciate how fortune of birth has given me all the physical comforts of life, as well as the ability to indulge in all manner of luxuries.”

“It is far more than that,” she replied, sudden passion in her voice. “You have a place in the world, your grace, and you know what it is. That is a very comforting thing.”

She did not move, but her sudden intensity startled him. In the past, he had taken her impassivity to mean she was not a person of deep feeling. Now, after a month of closer inspection, he was beginning to understand that the opposite was closer to the truth. Her fingers were curled around the knife in her hand so tightly that her knuckles were white. There was a great deal of passion there. It all lay beneath the surface.

“You have no idea how it feels to not quite belong anywhere,” she went on with an odd little catch in her voice. “To have no roots that tie you to a place and give you purpose. It is I who envy you.”

“It is understandable to feel rootless when you have had no home of your own.” He could see her hand start to shake, and he tipped her chin up, wanting to see her eyes, even if it was a view through her spectacles. “You shall find your place one day, Miss Wade. Everyone does, eventually.”

“I hope so, your grace.”

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