Page 115 of Demon with Benefits
“Raum? When did you talk to him about this?”
“He called after you left your phone at my place, and I asked him about you. I know I made it seem like I didn’t care, but that wasn’t true.”
They both fell silent and stared at each other.
“I’m sorry—”
“I’m sorry—”
They snapped their mouths shut simultaneously. Meph smiled sheepishly. “You first.”
Iris cocked a brow. “Youwouldmake me go first.”
He lifted a hand and tucked a strand of blue hair behind her ear. “Nah, I’ll go first.”
“No, I was only kidding. I’ll—”
“I’m sorry, Iris. I never should have tried to force my shit on you. My life is fucked up, and—Shit. The idea that you were in danger because of me? It makes me sick. It makes me so mad I can’t even—What Valefor did to you...” He pulled his hand back and clenched it into a fist, turning his head away. “Shit. I’m not good at this.”
“Do you remember everything that happened while you were in demon form?”
He nodded. The memories were foggy and disconnected, like they had happened to someone else, but they were all there now. “I remember every fucking thing Val did, and how I just sat there watching, doing nothing—Jesus fuck, I fucking tortured you—”
“Don’t.” She put a finger on his cheek and guided him back to look at her. He could have resisted, but he let her lead him until their gazes collided.
“I was only asking because I wanted to know if you remembered what I said to you. When I was stuck in that hallucination, or whatever it was your demon does—”
“It’s an illusion.”
“Illusion, then. But you were behind those bars, and you told me you wanted to stay. Do you remember what I said to you?”
He swallowed and nodded.
“Then you know what I said.” Her voice shook slightly. “About how I feel about you.”
“Iris...”
“And then you know whyI’mthe one that owes you an apology.”
“You don’t owe me shit.”
“Yes, I do. Meph, I—You—” She broke off, swallowing hard and wiping furiously at her eyes to stop tears that hadn’t had a chance to fall yet. “Shit, I’m bad at this too.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“Yes, I do. That you had the courage to say what you did, to tell me how you felt... It’s amazing. And I’m sorry I made you feel like your feelings didn’t matter, or that I didn’t value them, or that—”
“Iris, it’s fine.” He rubbed his face where it felt hot and looked away. “Can we not relive that humiliating moment? I had a panic attack during sex. It’s something I want to forget about for the rest of time.”
She actually laughed. “Fine, but only if you understand what I’m saying.”
He remembered her words again.I know it doesn’t make up for how I treated you, but I only said that shit to you because I’m falling for you, and it scares the piss out of me.
The memory was crystal clear, but he was afraid to acknowledge it, to ask her to explain. She was telling him to his face that she’d meant it, but he still had trouble believing her.
Maybe it was because he didn’t feel worthy. Maybe it was because he didn’t fully trust her.
Or maybe it was because the feelings scared the piss out of him too.
