Page 120 of Sanctuary of the Shadow
“Yes.” She swallowed hard. “And I’m never leaving again.”
“I hurt you. I—” It was his turn to swallow. “I tried to kill you.” He looked sick at the thought.
“No, Furie tried to kill me. You fought with everything you had not to.”
“I hurt you. I made you bleed. I—”
“No, Raith. Furie did those things. You fought her. Even after I betrayed you, you still fought to protect me.”
“You were right to leave me.”
“No.” Her fingers clenched around the bedsheet. “No, I was wrong. I can’t believe I doubted you for a second.”
“Harrow, I killed your family. Your mother. How can you even stand to look at me?”
“I can look at you because I know it wasn’t you who did those things. Furie bound you and the other wraiths—your actions weren’t your own. I saw how you were under the compulsion of your vow. You weren’t yourself; you weren’t thinking clearly. You couldn’t fight what you were doing. Anything you’ve done with your own free choice has been the opposite of how you were under Furie’s control. All you’ve ever done is protect me and love me and make me happier than I’ve ever been in my life.”
Raith’s eyes were haunted as he stared at the floor. “I killed so many. Not just Seers. For years, she sent me after anyone who angered or threatened her. After enough time, I obeyed without a second thought.”
“I want to kill her for what she did to you.”
“I went back to her the night you left. I tried to cut off her head.”
So Malaikah had been right. “What happened?”
“The blade melted when it touched her skin.” He shrugged. “I knew I would likely fail. I hoped that when I did, she would kill me.”
“Raith.” Harrow’s vision swam with tears.
“She almost did. But she realized it was what I wanted, so she stopped and sent me after you instead.” He shook his head. “I was a fool.”
“Iwas a fool. If I hadn’t left that night, you never would’ve gone back to her.”
But he shook his head again. “Darya gave me my memories back that night. It changed me. Whether or not you left, I doubt I’d have been able to stay, knowing what I’d done.”
“You’re still not getting it, Raith.” He had so much to live for, and it was time he started fighting for it. “You were just doing what it took to survive. Your whole life, you’ve been forced to do that horrible woman’s bidding, and then I came along and judged you for that. I’ve never felt more ashamed. That I could doubt you for even a second—”
“How could you not?”
“Darya planned to kill you, and I knew it, and I still told her where to find you. How is that any better than what you did to me?”
“Your entire life has been shaped around the horrors I did to you. You have no family, and you’re the last one left of your kind. How can you say that doesn’t matter?”
“I’m not saying it doesn’t matter. I’m saying you aren’t to blame for it because you didn’t have a choice.”
“There is blood on my hands that can never be washed clean!” She flinched at his raised voice, though a part of her was satisfied to see him pushing back. A will to fight was a will to live. “You told me you could never care for the monster who killed your family. Harrow, I am that monster!”
“And I also told you I was wrong to say that. I didn’t understand at the time what you were or how Furie had controlled you, and—”
Her words suddenly dried up as she stared at the man sitting before her. His fiery eyes were blazing, his strong body dwarfing the delicate chair, his golden-brown skin contrasting against the plain undyed pants she’d given him.
All of a sudden, tenderness filled her. The fight drained out of her, and she could only look at him and give thanks to the Goddess he was here in her caravan, alive and well. They were two lost souls who’d been collateral damage in a senseless war that wasn’t even their own. Why should that divide them when they were finally together now?
“Raith, I’m so sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry I told Darya where you were hiding. I’m sorry I left you, and I’m sorry to myself for ignoring what my own instincts were telling me from the start. And I’m sorry I let you believe I didn’t love you, because I never stopped for a second. Will you forgive me?”
He stared at her. “There’s nothing to forgive.”
She smiled softly. “Thank you.” She let the relief wash over her for a moment, not realizing how much she’d needed to hear him say that. “Now, it’s your turn. You ask me for forgiveness, and I’ll grant it, and then we can finally move on with our lives.”
