Page 73 of Ella Gets the D
Julian reaches over to brush my cheek. The tenderness flutters my eyes closed, playing out a scenario that includes a lifetime of happiness. If only our circumstances were different.
“Your bravery is one of the things I love about you,” he says. “Last night was special to me.You’respecial to me, Ella.”
Love.
The man saidlove.
Focus.
“Julian.” A smile flashes before I pull away from his hand. “You’re special to me too, but this attraction between us will fade with time. We’re at different stages in our lives, and we want different things.”
My thoughts flit between our desire to give in to our deeply embedded connection and panic that it will cost me everything, including my heart.
“What do you want?” The softness in Julian’s voice mirrors the warmth in his eyes.
My answer comes through a smile. “To never have to rely on a man for security again. When the time comes, I want a life partner who cherishes my kids and pursues me with a desire that won’t stray with temptation. I want to laugh through the storms, dance in the rain, and enjoy new adventures beyond motherhood.”
I take a hesitant bite of my food, careful to dodge his fixed assessment under long lashes. “Thank you again; this is really delicious. Where did you pick up cooking?”
Seconds pass through a small eternity until he speaks in a monotone, bored with my avoidance and another question about food. I dip my chin to hide behind the two-strand twists that create a barrier between us.
He lets out a heavy sigh. “A little bit here, a little bit there. I travel throughout the year, which means different cuisines and cultures. Though I do watch the Food Network during the week.”
“Sounds tasty.” A laugh surges from my belly, one we both know is crap. “Do you have a favorite—”
“Ella. Look at me.” My breath catches at the request. Small movements add up to my fork back on my plate and me shifting in my seat to face Julian.
I swallow at his stiff posture. Frustration turns to amusement when he catches me studying the broad expanse of his chest. “You never asked me what I wanted.”
That’s because I already know thatJeopardyanswer: What is a dangerous desire?
The instinct to clasp my lips together jolts down to my knees, which are now between his thighs. We need distance between us, or I’ll set off the smoke detector with my vagina.
My inner good girl says to step back, physically and emotionally. My inner baddie says let’s fuck around and find out.
I wet my lips to wrap around the words that come out in a throaty whisper: “What do you want, Julian?”
Thick hands wrap around my chair faster than my mind can process. The metal barstool drags across the hardwood floor on a slow journey deeper between his legs. His voice is husky when he says, “You, El. I want you.”
There’s no chance for me to soak in his words. Not when my heart pounds in my chest. Not when he’s inches from my face.
“We can’t,” I say in a whisper. “I’m still married.”
“You won’t be next year.”
“I have kids, and I don’t want to confuse them. We live in the same house. We’re close to your family.”
He takes my hands, his fingertips gliding over my knuckles. “All I want is a chance. My attraction to you is more than physical. I respect your mind, and I adore your heart. I won’t deny the timing is shit, but now that you’re in my life, I have to try. We’ll take it slow. Get to know each other, away from everyone. But I need you to give me the okay. Please?”
Our gazes mix with a connection that pulls us together. “My life is under construction, Julian. The most I could offer right now is friendship.”
“I’ll take whatever you’re comfortable with.”
A laugh slips free. “I’m eight years older than you with two kids.”
His shoulder lifts. “My being younger means I have the stamina to keep up with your sexual awakening.” He lifts my knuckles to his lips. “And in case you couldn’t tell”—Kiss—“I care for Jackson and Haile.”Kiss.“I want to get to know them better.”Kiss. “But I respect their need for normalcy during this transition. They won’t see or know me as anything other than Duke’s uncle until you give your blessing.”
Doesn’t he have all the answers?
