Page 126 of Ella Gets the D
I’m a bumbling mess, but I get myself together while she grabs her coat. “I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”
Her smile widens. “Pay it forward, and keep it going when the time comes. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The rest of the day is a mix of happy tears and ugly crying at the most inconvenient times. Two instructors asked if someone died, and one parent promised to add me to the prayer card.
Not even Charles could steal my vibe. He texted not too long after Rose left with the threat that I’d pay for my stunt today. I expected him to unleash an explosion of photos across the internet, photos of Julian and me that didn’t obscure my face. Or maybe he’d repay my visit to his office with one of his own and show up here.
By four, I was off with Haile to pick up Jackson for the stop-and-go journey back home.
After dinnertime, I went to the streets—technically, the end of the block, but I was outside. The only suspicious activity was me about to reenactI Know What You Did Last Summer, screaming in a circle in the middle of the road asking an absent killer how much longer until he appeared. But I refrained, in the name of basic decency and preventing a CPS visit.
By ten, I drifted to sleep with the surveillance photo of Julian tucked under the pillow next to me.
Chapter 48
Ella
If the FBI tries to recruit Haile before she starts kindergarten in the fall, it wouldn’t surprise me at all. Behind those brown eyes and big brown curls is a five-year-old too young to be interrogating me like I stole her lunch money and took off to Vegas on a gambling spree. Is it too much to pee in peace without her running to call Aunt Morgan to say she hears a sniffle?
The truth is, I’ve kept up smiles and thrown myself into work since Julian left for London three weeks ago. Distance is no stranger to us, but we’re not the same two people who stumbled into each other’s lives last year. Ilovehim, something I never thought I’d say—about anyone—again, least of all during a divorce. I’ve never felt as safe and seen as I do now. And that’s frightening but worth the risk.
Julian didn’t leave because of work, though a project across the pond is taking up most of his time. So, yes, I sulk. For the time apart forced on us by an ex who plays more games than MTV’sTheChallenge.
“It’s okay.”
“Sorry?” My eyes lift to the rearview mirror. Haile stares back in her lilac jacket with a knowing smile.
“To be sad and not hide it,” she says, like the answer is obvious. Maybe it is.
I might have to call the FBI myself. “I’m fine, baby.”
“We got here five minutes ago. Your hands are still on the wheel.”
Well, damn.
My back straightens, and I chance a glance at my future profiler daughter’s full-on grin. Jackson sits next to his nosy sister, in a Minecraft trance on his tablet. We could be in this parking space for another half hour without a peep from him as long as the Wi-Fi works.
“Can’t I have a long week, Miss Ma’am?” The center has kept me on my toes. Between onboarding new hires, fundraising, and filling in whenever someone gets a spring cold, Haile should thank every star in the sky I’m not staring into space for two hours.
She giggles. “That’s fine. Grandma has cucumbers for stress. You should try them.”
I choke out a laugh and smooth the edges of my ponytail. “Anything else?”
“It’s okay to miss him,” she says quietly. “I do.”
What the heck do I say to that?
Julian and I saw each other in secret almost daily. Outside of a dinner or two and Jackson’s rugby, he’s not around the kids enough to look like more than a family friend, even though he’s much more. He’s the steady presence—patient, kind, and devoted. It’s foolish to expect my kids won’t feel his absence. With the time difference and our hectic schedules, we barely speak.
I miss him.
I need him.
“Me too, baby,” I whisper back. “Ready to go in?”
I grab the small suitcase with their weekend clothes out of the trunk and tap the window for Jackson to quit his game and make the short trek across the gravel path to the front door.
Katharine and I have weekly drop-offs down to a science. I head over with Haile and Jackson after our weekly therapy session. Katharine greets us and takes me to the kitchen for tea before I head back, and Charles comes whenever he does. We do this every Friday, but tonight is different.
