Page 100 of Ella Gets the D
Last night was the perfect ending to a chaotic year. I left behind a woman who settled for good enough, who took what was given and was never satisfied. I spent more time loving myself in the last eight months than I did in the last sixteen years.
Have I fully healed? Of course not, but I’m on my way.
Am I freshly fucked? You bet your mattress.
Julian took me forward, backward, and sideways. It’s a miracle I can sit on my ass, the way he pounded me into the new year. Housekeeping will need a blacklight to clean the bodily fluids hiding in plain sight. One shower wasn’t enough.
Things changed for us. We broke the no-penetration rule in every sense of the word, and I have no regrets. The sex was amazing, but what’s developing between us is incredible. We not only shared our bodies, we declared our love out loud. Duringthe course of finding my footing, I found a friend who became a partner for the simple fact that he wanted to be present and remains a constant in my life. Letting go and allowing myself to feel required trust. Julian will catch me if I fall, but I can save myself.
“Julie?”
He tears his attention away from the TV. It takes four chews to swallow. “Should I order more Wheaties?”
I huff a laugh and push him with my shoulder. “No.”
How do I put into words how alive I feel?
The answer is in the way my pulse catches at his affection and his promise to care for my heart.
“I love you.”
He kisses my temple, and my eyes flutter closed. “I love you too, sweetheart.”
“So, we’re doing this?”
“Whatever you’re comfortable with, baby. I’m not going anywhere.” He interlaces our fingers and kisses my hand. “Last night doesn’t change anything—with the kids, I mean.”
I nod. “You’re still a family friend, we’ll keep it that way until the time is right.”
“I won’t rush this, sweetheart.”
My throat works to rein in the emotions expanding my chest. “You always know what to say.”
The corners of his mouth tip into a smile. It’s timid for such a confident man. “When you love someone, you pay attention. You and the kids are my priority. I want to do right by you, and I’ll show you through my actions what I say with my words.”
“Good.” I put my plate back on the nightstand and nestle into the hard planes of his chest. “Because I don’t want this to end. April isn’t that far away. We’ve been good so far and haven’t drawn attention.”
Minus Morgan who caught us in bed, and Erica, who sniffed out a love connection before we did. We can keep this up for a few more months, until it’s safe to step into the light.
Together.
The silver twin bell alarm clock I almost murdered with a pillow earlier blares so loud it pulls my smile into a frown. “I’m not ready to leave,” I say in a grumble and peek at the time. “Where is your sister? I texted her four times. She has my clothes, and she needs to get back here.”
Julian shrugs. “Maybe she’s sleeping.”
I face him withYou can’t be seriousset in my expression. “Have you ever known Morgan to sleep past ten? She was probably up at seven and already halfway through her itemized to-do list.”
“I’ll drive you to her when it’s time to check out.”
My jaw drops. “And leave here together?”
“You plan on running next to my car?” His chuckle is light, unbothered by thoughts of her in a ditch or someone’s basement with a ball gag and no heat. “She probably forgot. Maybe she’s busy. I don’t keep tabs on her.”
“It’s not like her, Julian. We should go, just to check.” We’ll figure out the logistics of leaving separately later. “My friend might need me.”
I fold my arms and stare until he gives in. It may or may not have come with a nip slip.
Oops!
