Page 82 of The Life Experiment
‘What is it, Angus?’ Layla pressed. ‘What’s happened?’
For the longest time, Angus could only stare at their intertwined fingers, but then he spoke. ‘My mother has cancer.’
Shock overcame Layla. Her mouth twitched to find words, but no sound came out.
‘Gilly… She’s in hospital with an infection,’ Angus continued. ‘I’ve just been to see her. Sat there for over two hours, and not once did she wake up. She’s on so many meds, they’ve knocked her out. She… she looked so small, Layla. My mother’s never looked small before.’
As emotion splintered Angus’s voice, Layla went to speak, but he cut her off.
‘She’s had ovarian cancer for the last few months. Stage two. She’sbeen secretly getting treatment and didn’t want me to know. She didn’t think I could handle it, apparently.’
‘Oh, Angus,’ Layla breathed, but her distress only lit an angry fire within him.
‘What kind of person, what kind of mother, discovers news this big and keeps it from her child?’ Angus sounded angry, but his jagged breathing betrayed the pain he felt.
‘I’m sure she had her reasons,’ Layla soothed, but Angus shook his head.
‘I’m her son, Layla. Herson.I deserve to know if she’s sick. I deserve the chance to be there for her. That’s all I’d have wanted to do, you know. I’d have gone to appointments. I’d have taken her food. I’d have… I’d have…’
As the enormity of all the things he was trying to say crushed Angus, he bowed his head and pulled away. The move was gut-wrenching. Layla watched Angus rest his elbows on his knees and clasp his hands together. The rigidity of his stance appeared impossible to break, but Layla couldn’t let him shut off without a fight. Moving forward, she reached for Angus’s hand once more. Gratefully, he accepted it.
‘I know this can’t be easy for her, but she’s my mother,’ he croaked, tightening his hold on Layla’s hand while he spoke. ‘How could she not tell me? Her not trusting me hurts almost as much as knowing what’s going on.’
‘I’m sure it’s nothing to do with how much she trusts you,’ Layla began, but Angus shook his head.
‘It’s exactly that. A person doesn’t find out something like this and not tell their loved ones. What, was she just going to die one day and expect me to be okay with it? Was I meant to accept the fact that she’d known it was coming all along, but kept it from me?’
One of Angus’s tears splashed the side of Layla’s hand, making her flinch. As it trailed down her skin, guilt trickled down Layla’s spine.
Gilly wasn’t the only one keeping shattering secrets from Angus – Layla was doing the same thing. Her death date was another secret, another lie. The shame of what she’d withheld winded Layla so brutally she had to look away from Angus.
‘Clearly I’m not the son she wants by her side through this,’ Angus continued. ‘She probably wishes I’d died, not Hugo.’
‘Angus,’ Layla gasped. ‘Don’t say that! Your mother loves you.’
‘You don’t keep a secret like this from someone you love. That’s not what love is.’
‘Angus, love is lots of things,’ Layla protested, but Angus shook his head.
‘No, Layla. I know what love is. I know it from…’ As Angus trailed off, his eyes locked on Layla. Her heart leapt into her throat. She waited for him to finish his sentence, but Layla didn’t need to hear the words. She could see it in his eyes. It was all there, laid out bare for her: fear, sadness and desire.
So much desire.
Angus leant in further, leaning his forehead against Layla’s and breathing deeply. Sense told her to pull away, but Layla found she couldn’t. Here, she could almost feel Angus’s mouth on hers. Almost taste him. Everything she wanted was right in front of her.
There was no point denying it. There had been no point in denying it for a long time: love was what Layla felt for Angus. Love was all she would ever feel for Angus.
The tilt of his head professed Angus’s intentions before he moved. His breathing slowed as he leaned in, waiting for Layla to meet him halfway. Caught in the trance of the moment, Layla moved closer.Just one kiss, her body begged.One taste… but Layla couldn’t give in. Not like this.
Drawing back, Layla untangled herself from Angus. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ she whispered. ‘You’re upset. You’re—’
‘Of course,’ Angus said, stiffening. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cross a line. I know friends is all you want us to be. I’m sorry.’
‘It’s okay,’ Layla replied, resting her hand on Angus’s arm even though touching him cracked her heart. ‘Really, it’s okay.’
But no matter what Layla said, she knew nothing about the situation was okay. Thanks to her death date, it never would be.
38Angus
