Page 64 of The Life Experiment
‘Your perfect future,’ Saira said, her measured tone offering his mind a life raft. ‘Who’s in it?’
‘Layla,’ Angus replied immediately.
‘Who else is there?’
‘My father. He’s smiling at me. He’s not worried anymore.’
‘Why isn’t he worried?’
‘Because I’ve figured it out. Who I am. What to do. How to use my time.’
‘And what is it you’re doing in this future?’
‘I… I don’t know, but it makes me feel good. I’m making a difference.’
‘Well, someone with your connections has a lot of power to make a difference,’ Saira commented. ‘And you’ve started volunteering. You could do a lot of good there.’
Angus opened his eyes. ‘I’ve had an idea, actually. Well, half an idea,’ he admitted, then he shook his head. ‘It’s silly. It probably won’t work.’
‘Tell me,’ Saira said.
Sitting forward, Angus clasped his hands together. ‘I met a man at the hospice. His daughter had cancer when she was little. He told me how hard it was to take her for treatment around his job. Their house was miles away from the nearest children’s cancer ward. I was thinking I could help with that.’
‘How?’ Saira pressed.
‘Well, while people are receiving hospital care, the demands of life don’t stop,’ Angus replied. ‘But the disruption of needing treatment is huge. People have to attend appointments, sometimes far away, while still going to work and earning enough to pay their bills. It seems to me that something could be put in place to bridge the gap between people’s everyday lives and their medical needs.’
‘And what would that be exactly?’
‘I’m not entirely sure. I’m still thinking through the details, but I think there’s an opportunity to ease the burden.’
‘There definitely could be,’ Saira agreed. ‘It sounds like if you can figure that out, it might help you find the purpose you mentioned earlier. Become the person you envision.’
‘I don’t know what to do to get there, though.’
‘Shall I let you in on a secret, Angus? One no one admits? There are very few people out there who know what they’re doing. Most of us are simply making it up as we go along.’
‘You don’t seem like you’re doing that.’
Saira laughed. ‘Trust me, I am. But something I’ve learned while working on The Life Experiment is that the people who do know what they’re doing have one thing in common. They listen to themselves. They’re honest about their desires and they share that honesty with those around them.’
Angus lowered his gaze. ‘You want me to tell Layla the truth.’
‘What I want doesn’t matter, Angus. Whatyouwant does. I know Layla is top of that list, but a relationship shouldn’t be used as a distraction from the things you don’t want to face. You’ve told me how much you value what you have with Layla. I read it in your questionnaires and see it in your face when you speak about her. The best way you can honour that is by working to become the man you describe. Shut out the weight of expectation, listen to your heart and figure out who Angus Fairview-Whitley is. Do you think you can do that?’
Angus thought about his heart and how it had kept him alive for thirty-four years. How it had powered him through rugby finals and all-night parties. How he increasingly suspected it belonged to Layla, even if he couldn’t brave showing her his true self.
But most of all, when Angus thought of his heart, he thought of how he’d been so scared to break it, he’d never given himself permission to try.
‘I guess there’s no better time to start than now,’ he said, offering Saira a small smile.
29Layla
Sinead’s harried voice rang out across their pod of desks. While she had every right to be stressed about a deadline being brought forward, Layla found it hard to care about the new timeline. She cared even less about the potential strain to business relationships if someone were to inform the client it wasn’t doable. Mayweather & Halliwell weren’t miracle workers. They couldn’t invent extra time, even if they wanted to. Layla’s about death date was proof of that.
But when Sinead pressed her palms to her eyes to stop herself from crying, Layla realised that she did care about something.
Leaning to one side to peer past her screen, Layla tried to grab her friend’s attention. ‘Sinead, nothing at work is worth getting this upset over,’ she said. ‘Just tell them the timeline isn’t reasonable.’
