Page 62 of The Life Experiment
Michelle studied Layla before her mouth curled into a smile. ‘Well done. You passed my little test. So, what do you say? Fancy helping me take on workplace culture and winning?’
Layla didn’t have to think twice. ‘I’m in.’
28Angus
No matter how comfortable Saira’s office was, Angus couldn’t relax. Something about this session felt different to the others. Angus sensed it as soon as Saira invited him to take a seat. The feeling only grew when Saira skimmed over his data from the last week, which she usually lingered on.
She wants to get to the good stuff, he thought, knowing all too well what that meant.
Tilting his head to his chest, Angus inhaled the scent of Layla’s perfume, which had lingered on his jumper after their hug goodbye the evening prior.
Saira glanced up from the iPad that was balanced on her knees.
‘I must say, Angus, you’re a different man to the one I first met,’ she said. ‘Lighter in many ways. Heavier in some.’
‘Is that a comment about my weight?’ Angus joked, but he knew what she meant. Saira read the questionnaries he filled out as part of the experiment. She knew all about Layla.
More importantly, she knew all about Angus’s lies.
‘This is our sixth counselling session,’ Saira said. ‘By now I think we know each other well enough to delve a little deeper, don’t you?’
Even though this was expected, Angus still shifted in his seat.
‘Deeper how?’ Angus lowered his gaze. ‘You mean about the things I’ve told Layla?’
‘I’m more curious about why you’ve said those things when doing so jeopardises the relationship you want to establish.’
‘Do you think she’ll hate me if she finds out?’
‘Angus,’ Saira replied with a sympathetic tilt of her head. ‘I can’t predict how Layla will react, but I can say that no one likes being lied to. And with lies, it’s rarely a case of “if” someone finds out and more a case of “when”.’
Angus studied his hands. Saira’s honesty confirmed everything that, deep down, Angus already knew – the best thing that had ever happened to him was going to come to an end, and there would be no one to blame but himself.
Angus thought back to last night. Another evening spent in Layla’s company, this time attending a West End show followed by Thai food. Another night trying not to stare at the lips he wanted to kiss.
But Angus knew Saira was right. His lies would come out sooner or later. And Angus could only imagine the consequences.
‘I don’t want to lie to Layla,’ he admitted, ‘but I’m in too deep now.’
‘It’s never too late to tell the truth, Angus. Being honest doesn’t always have the catastrophic repercussions we tell ourselves it will.’
Angus met Saira’s gaze. She was so sincere that for a moment he almost believed her, but then he imagined Layla crying at the falsehoods he’d fed her. He thought of her walking away. As soon as Angus pictured that, it was like all oxygen left the room.
‘Why do you think you’ve lied, Angus?’ Saira asked.
‘I don’t know,’ he replied, but the way Saira stared told Angus she didn’t believe him. Swallowing his shame, he cleared his throat. ‘I didn’t lie about things like what school I went to because I want to delude Layla. I lied because I don’t want to be me.’
There, he’d said it. His most painful truth, released. It didn’t feel good to hear it out loud, but it didn’t exactly feel bad, either.
‘That’s a bold statement, Angus.’
He shrugged. ‘It’s an accurate one.’
‘Why don’t you want to be yourself? On paper, you have a lot going for you.’
‘Well, on paper no one can tell how much I’ve messed up. It’s not like anyone wants me to be myself, anyway. They never have. They want me to be—’ Angus stopped, alarmed by how easily he had broached the subject. But ever since he’d touched on it with Layla and Aleksander, Hugo’s name had been on the tip of his tongue.
As he shifted uncomfortably, Saira tilted her head. ‘They want you to be who, Angus?’
