Page 76 of August Lane
“Apologize for making me think I could keep you.” Her volume rose with each demand. They were flowing out of her now, faster than she could think, a jumble of words in free fall. “You let me take us for granted. I loved you like breathing. But then you left and stole my air.”
Luke lurched forward, reaching for her. But she backed away. “Apologize for making me invisible. For erasing me from your life.”
“I didn’t—”
“Apologize for offering me money.”
He stood. “August—”
“Say you’re sorry for making me hate you. For making me hate our song.”
“I love you.”
“Don’t.” That was how she’d always been loved. In absentia. As a dwindling shape in someone’s rearview. “Youdestroyedme. No note. No phone call. I thought you were dead, Luke. And when I saw you lying about us on national TV, I wished you were. Because then all of it would have meant something.Iwould have meant something. Do you know what that feels like? Carving yourself open for someone who flinches and runs away?” She clenched her teeth, ground them until her jaw ached. These weren’t memories gripping her. It was fear with its strong monstrous hands, yanking her back to a time when all she did was fall. When there was nothing to hold on to.
“I know I’m not perfect,” she said. “I know I can be a lot. And I tried to do better. For Jojo. For you.” She held her breath, despising the question, but unable to stop it from spilling out. “Could you tell me why? Why am I so easy to walk away from?”
Luke grabbed both of her arms. She tried to pull away, but he held on tight. “Do you know why I keep singing that song? The real reason?”
“Because it’s all you have.”
“Right,” Luke said, nodding slowly. “All anyone wants from me. That’s what I say, but it’s not true. That’s the biggest lie I ever told.”
He took a breath, eyes red and glittering. “I don’t have to sing it,” hesaid. “I could have stopped a long time ago. But I didn’t. Deep down, I knew that if I wrote something people liked, they wouldn’t want to hear ‘Another Love Song’ anymore. And I need it. Because you’re right, that song isallI have left. It’s the only way to keep you with me.”
She felt dizzy. Her heart slammed against her rib cage like it was desperate to escape. He cupped her cheek and she could feel his pulse racing.
“I use it to go back to you,” he said. “To us. Each time I sing it, I get to fall in love with you again.” His lips twitched into a brief smile. “Hurts like hell when it’s over, but it’s worth it. I want to hurt that way for the rest of my life.”
Tears spilled down her cheeks. Luke kissed one, then the other, and touched his forehead to hers. “I didn’t walk away from you, August. I never even tried.”
She closed her eyes. Luke wrapped his arms around her, and they stayed that way, wrecked and raw, vibrating from too much truth spilled all at once.
“Is this the part where I forgive you?” August whispered. “You’ve always loved me, so we kiss and forget?”
He stroked her face again. “I don’t think forgiveness works that way.”
The flash of a photo being taken startled them both into jerking apart. David Henry stood at the door, staring at his phone. “This is definitely going on Insta.” He strolled into the room and showed them the photo, which made it look like they were seconds from kissing. “After that little stunt you both pulled out there, it’ll probably go viral.” He started typing. “Hashtag, Luke should have told David that Jojo’s daughter is his fucking mistress.”
PART SIX
THE BRIDGE
This Is Our Country: Podcast Transcript
Episode 12—“Jojo Lane”
August 21, 2024
[cont.]
