Page 93 of Wrath of the Dragons
“Cayden?”
All hells, everything I feel for her wraps around my throat and cuts off my air. I’m drowning in her, but I’ve stopped trying to kick to the surface. I know this is going to kill me and I’ve accepted my fate. To be surrounded by her is exactly how I want to die.
“I’ll be back in a second, love.” I lean forward to kiss her forehead and throw on the black linen shirt draped over the arm of the couch. “I just need some air.”
I slip into the narrow hall and stride down a staircase, locating the small private deck at the stern of the ship that rests beneath our cabin. The door shuts behind me as I rush toward the railing. I dip a hand into my pocket to pull out a smoke while rubbing at the never-ending ache in my chest. Quickly lighting the smoke, I inhale deeply and rest my elbows on the railing, dropping my head to stare at the water. However, even the symphony of the sea can’t calm me.
I’m losing my gods-damned mind.
The door bangs open, and if Elowen’s temper could start a fire, the ship would be incinerated. I don’t even have to turn to know it’s her, and I’d place a bet that she’s swaying her hips while she stomps, like she always does when she’s pissed.
“Stop running from me,” she states. “I can’t keep living like this. We have to have it out like we always do, not tiptoe around the issue like we’re children. I know what you’re thinking and it’s not fair.”
“Oh yeah?” I whip my head in her direction, stubbing out the smoke given her proximity. “What am I thinking?”
“I knew the risks when I agreed to the ritual.” She stubbornly sets her chin. “I know that if I died I wouldn’t be able to fulfill our deal, but—”
“Go inside.”
“No.”
“Keep pondering those thoughts of yours if you think I’m lamenting over a deal.”
“You tried to manipulate Finnian into dragging me away from you. Do you think I could’ve moved on from watching you die, knowing there was something I could’ve done?” She pushes at my chest before fisting my shirt.
My nostrils flare when I note her rings glinting in the moonlight, but I keep my hands at my sides. “You would’ve lived a very long and celibate life.”
She releases me and throws her hands up. “You were ready to accept death!”
“Is that what you think?”
“You said goodbye.” Her voice cracks but her eyes are still filled with rage.
“What did you want me to say, Elowen?” I ask incredulously, tipping my head back to the stars before looking at her again. “Would you have preferred I told you exactly what I was thinking in what I thought were my final moments?”
Her throat bobs as I take a step closer, forcing her to tilt her chin up as I tower over her.
“Did you want me to tell you how bitter with regret I was knowing I searched for you longer than I’ve known you? That there is some sick irony in surviving all the years I wanted to die and dying when I finally had something to live for other than revenge? Because I wouldn’t let myself look away from my reason, Elowen. You are it. Everything doesn’t encompass what you are to me; you are infinite. You were all I let myself see as I was dying because I wanted to keep the memory of your face with me. Did you want me to tell you how I prayed to the God of Death to leave my soul with you if he truly gave me his blessing?”
“Then why are you pushing me away?” she helplessly yells. “You claimed that I’ve been avoiding you, but it’s obvious you needed space.I got us the time you say you wished for and you’re acting as if you wish I’d let you die.”
“You should have.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Your screams echo in my skull every second of every day. If there is ever a choice between you or me, I always want you to choose yourself, even if it kills me.”
“I know that Ryder was angry with you for doing exactly what I did, and that makes you a hypocrite.”
“The situations are entirely different,” I snarl.
“Then not only are you a hypocrite, but you’re a fool as well! Your life is worth no less than mine, even if you believe it to be.”
“That’s what you don’t understand! It is!” I fire back, my voice raspy and enraged. “Not because you’re the dragon queen, or the heir to Imirath, or whatever other fucking title you acquire. My life is worth less than yours becauseyou aremy life. I’m a dead man walking without you.”
Her face crumbles and a few tears spill from her eyes that she angrily swipes away. I would’ve married her if she had nothing to her name, the dragons didn’t exist, and all she had were the clothes on her back.
I can’t do this.
