Page 117 of Fear the Flames
I press my lips together to suppress a cry and get my footing on the slick bottom of the river. Cayden looks down at me for a quick second, and I catch the guilt in his eyes before he turns away. I want to reach out to him, to tell him not to blame himself, but my body is fighting to get used to the water. The current blasts me as soon as he steps forward. His grip is like iron laced between my fingers. It’s the only thing keeping me anchored to him against the raging river. I use my other hand to grip the sharp rocks to help myself move forward. It feels like a thousand knives are stabbing me all over my body. I’ve never been this cold in my entire life. It’s the kind of cold that makes you wish you were being burned alive. Piercing waters soak further into my clothes with every step I take.
The moon makes me wish for the sun.
The cold makes me wish for heat.
I feel like I’ve taken every warm day for granted.
A reflection dances in one of the ice-tipped rocks. My head spins as far as it can without pulling my hand from Cayden’s, and my panic is amplified along with the tightness in my chest. There’s a beast sniffing by the trees we just ran from. We won’t be able to leave the river without the beast seeing us, and these beasts hunt in packs. Their white fur-covered bodies are as tall as a horse and far deadlier. Their fangs are so long that they hang out of their closed mouths, and I’ve heard stories of the milky-white pupils that pollute their eyes.
“C-Cay-” I try to warn him, but I can’t get the words out. My body is shivering too hard; my teeth are chattering against each word in a painful rhythm. It’s a repulsive feeling to not have control over your own body. He can’t hear my stutters over the raging current, which is loud enough to cover any sudden movements. I dance my eyes over my surroundings. There’s a big enough rock that we can huddle behind to the right of us. If we stop moving, it could be detrimental, but if we don’t take cover, this entire trek through the water would have been for nothing.
I dig my boot into the riverbed below me, shoving it between two sturdy rocks and swinging myself to the right—into the current. The water rushes over my ears, and I break the surface with a loud gasp. Cayden looks over at me with panic-stricken eyes and wraps his arms around my torso. My legs wrap around his waist, and his body heat feels like a safe haven that I’m unable to resist. A shooting pain fires in my ribs as he pulls me closer. My shaking hand slaps over my mouth to muffle a pained cry. He looks at me with wild eyes, but I point toward the tree line before he can ask me what’s going on. I see the moment his eyes register the beast—they narrow before he looks down at the water and closes them briefly. He adjusts our position so his back is facing the current, and he presses my face into his neck. Our bodies violently tremble together.
“Your ribs?” he grits out.
“It’s nothing,” I gasp, “not broken.” He raises an arm to my shoulders to press me further into him, dropping the topic when he sees I’m in no state to carry a conversation. I cling to him, ignoring the pain in my ribs and leg. He’s my warmth in more ways than one in these frigid waters.
“I’ve got you, angel,” he soothes while running a hand down my back, repeating the same words he said in the dragon chamber.
“It’s so fucking cold,” I choke out the obvious.
He grunts in affirmation. “Look at me, Elowen. I want to see those pretty eyes.” I raise my head from his neck and cringe at the warmth withdrawn from my face. “There’s a town close to here. You just have to keep going north.”
“Stop talking like you’re not coming with me.” I shake my head. “I’m not leaving you.” I tighten my arms around his neck. My first reflex isn’t even to find out how he knows about a town in the Seren Mountains; it’s to keep him close, where I can keep him safe. The thought of leaving Imirath without him…of living in Vareveth without him…it’s paralyzing. It shouldn’t be, but it is. It’s more paralyzing than this frigid water or facing down a dragon.
“I’m fully aware that you can handle yourself, but these circumstances are extreme, and I need to get you somewhere warm. I can handle killing a few beasts. I’m not letting you freeze to death before you’ve had your chance for everyone in this world to know just how powerful you are. Your safety is my highest priority, and I’ll do whatever it takes to assure it.” His sweet words linger in the space between us, and I soak them up like a sponge. Even his blue lips can speak words that create a warm sensation blooming in my chest.
I’ve told myself that he was a distraction for so many months, that this thing between us is just business. But I know distractions aren’t supposed to make your chest tighten, your blood heat, or your breathing uneven. Distractions aren’t supposed to keep you awake at night, wondering if they’re okay. You’re not supposed to want to get lost in a distraction and burn any map offered to you. Only Cayden can light me on fire in the biting cold.
“Don’t be an idiot. I’m not leaving you, so get that ignorant thought from your head. We’re staying together. We came here together, and we’re leaving together, end of discussion. Never doubt how much I can handle, Cayden. I may be freezing, but I’m too stubborn to die. You said the same thing last night. You always tell me that I’m stuck with you, but you’re stuck with me too, soldier.”
He looks at me in disbelief, like he can’t believe I’d choose him over a head start. It makes me wonder if anyone has ever chosen him. I harden my eyes to steel to show him how final my decision is. He’s not my diversion or something to discard with my back turned, and he’s more than just my ally. We’re getting out of here together, or I’m fighting by his side along the riverbank until we can go north together, or until the end.
He blows out a shaky sigh, “I had a feeling you’d say that but forgive me for trying to be your knight in shining armor, you hardheaded queen.”
I crinkle my nose and tilt my head, examining him, “It doesn’t suit you.” He pinches my uninjured thigh, and a shaky laugh rattles through me. “Do you have another bomb?” I ask hopefully.
“No, but I’m glad to know you like them.” He takes an arm off me and tilts me slightly to kick one of his legs up. When his hand resurfaces from the water, he grasps one of his silver knives. “We just need the beasts distracted long enough for us to get out of the water and break the tree line. The current will cover any sounds we make,” he says.
I unwrap myself from around him and stand on my own feet again, turning toward the tree line on the opposite side of the Emer. We’re more than halfway through the river, but we’ll still have to be swift.
“Ready?” he asks. I nod my head. “Go, now!” he commands while turning his body to throw the knife. We shuffle through the water as the beasts howl behind us.
There’s no steep drop-off on this side of the river, so I wade out of the water as fast as my soaked leathers and boots will allow and sprint toward the forest. My leg throbs painfully, but I don’t stop to check on it, and I don’t dare turn around to see if the beasts are gone. We sprint quietly for the next few minutes before slowing down to listen to our surroundings.
No beasts.
Just our heavy breathing, the creaky trees in the Etril Forest, and the distant sound of dragon roars. If I thought I was cold before I got in the river, it has substantially increased now. I wrap my sopping arms around me, but it offers no relief.
“How far is the village?” I ask through my chattering teeth.
“Around a half-hour if we hurry,” he answers. His eyes track me with worry laced through them, but that’s all I need to hear to begin running again.
Cayden takes the lead after I start getting disoriented. I fight to keep my panic at bay, and relying on him is helping me, whether he knows it or not. Everything looks the same, and I’ve begun having visions of him and me freezing to death because I lead us in the wrong direction. I haven’t been in this forest since I fled Imirath. I was too distraught to absorb anything on the first few nights, not to mention how frightened I was to learn just how vast the world is—how high the sky stretches and how small humans are in comparison to trees. But now, all I can take in is how eerie the Etril is. It’s no wonder why hardly anyone settles here, or why it’s rumored to be where the Goddess of Souls rests. The trees are too perfect looking, in nearly perfect rows. There are no sounds of animals or life anywhere around us. Just the bitter wind whistling through the tallest trees I’ve ever seen.
We’re halfway through the journey when a wave of drowsiness hits me. I try to rest my hand on a tree trunk but don’t notice the low-hanging branch before it scrapes the wound on my leg. A cry of pain wells in my throat, and Cayden sharply turns in my direction with startlingly quick reflexes. I close my eyes to try to fend off the dizziness.
“What’s wrong, angel?” Cayden murmurs while dropping to his knees to check on my cut.
