Page 65 of How to Hide in Plain Sight
“You were here last year,” I said, “without me?”
“I was.” He paused. “And the year before.”
“You…” I was dumbfounded. “But…”
“I’m a part of this family, too, Eliot.” His chin lifted higher. “Just because you chose to disappear, to cut us all out…that doesn’t mean I had to do the same.”
I opened my mouth. Closed it again. I wanted to say something back, to argue with him, but the thing is…he was right. Hewaspart of our family.
Maybe even more than I was.
Before I could find the words to reply, Manuel turned away, adjusted his rod, and focused on the water, on the fish, on anything but me.
—
AN HOUR INTO THE TOURNAMENT,people started to get nervous. Dinner that night was supposed to be a fresh fish fry—emphasis onfresh.
“It’s just not the same when it comes from the store.” Mom always pouts.
But so far, all we’d hauled in was a big, juicy twenty-inch nothing.
“Everyone else has had a bite but me,” Dad called out from the bow, where his wheelchair was tied to the railing with two lengths of rope. He looked suspiciously over at Clarence. “You give me faulty bait, son?”
“Everyone gets the same bait, Dad.”
“Well, something’s wrong with mine.”
By that point, Karma was drunk enough to actually be enjoying herself. She teetered about the boat, making lewd comments about rods. She spent extra time over in Clarence’s corner, poking him and dangling worms before his nose and knocking his hat down over his eyes.
Manuel and I hadn’t said much to each other in the previous hour. We’d mostly stared out at the lake or the unmoving rods in our hands. Eventually, he mumbled something about needing the bathroom and slipped inside theSilver Heron’s cabin.
As soon as he was gone, another body plopped down into his chair.
I turned to the side, expecting to find Karma. Instead, I was shocked to see Caleb pick up Manuel’s rod and cast it into the water.
“Had to get away from Karma and Clarence,” my oldest brother said, winking. “I think they’re about to get into an actual fistfight.”
I snorted. “Sounds about right.”
“So, what’s new, Boose?” He leaned back in the folding chair. “I feel like we haven’t had much of a chance to chat this trip.”
His question probably shouldn’t have taken me as far aback as it did. Shouldn’t have made me curl into myself, made my cheeks burn with the spotlight of attention I wasn’t used to getting. But I couldn’t help it; Caleb was still the oldest, wisest, and most mature of the family, and I was still the baby.
I cleared my throat, trying to think of a witty response. “Oh, you know.” I cracked a smile. Already my voice sounded weak, uncertain of whether it actually wanted to be leaving my mouth or not. “Staying out of the cross fire.”
“Smart girl.” He nodded sagely. “But I meant, what’s newoutsideof the inevitable shitstorm that is family reunions? How do you like living in New York? I know I sort of asked last night, but there were some rather”—he raised his eyebrows and tilted his head in the direction of Karma and Clarence—“insistentvoices fighting for the mic then, and I’d really like to hear.”
My heart lifted. Here was Caleb, the brother I’d always felt impossibly distant from, taking a real interest in my life. Asking me questions about the life I’d built for myself, as if I were a proper adult, like him.
It was the first time all trip that I truly felt like I wasn’t sitting at the kids’ table anymore.
“You know, I actually love it,” I said, launching into the monologue that I’d prepared on the car ride from Manhattan. The one I’dwanted to tell the whole family at dinner. “The corporate world really suits me. I know that probably sounds crazy coming from a twenty-one-year-old, but it’s true. Sure, the two years I spent as an assistant weren’t exactly thrilling, but now that I’ve made copywriter, I really feel like I’ve found my place in the world. Like I’m where I’m supposed to be.”
When I practiced this speech during the drive over, I’d thought it sounded great. Not too gushy, not too vague. I’d been channeling my skills as a copywriter, carefully choosing my words, adopting what I thought was the appropriate tone. But now, after twenty-four hours on the island…after arriving to a former best friend and running from my dead brother’s ghost and fighting off the return of compulsions I’d thought long gone…
Now the words didn’t feel so true anymore.
“That’s great.” Caleb smiled, and cheerful lines crinkled beside his eyes.
