Page 23 of How to Hide in Plain Sight
“Catherine,” said Mom, and I didn’t have to see Karma to know she was wincing. Shehatedher real name. “Please. Let’s just keep things nice this week, okay? I don’t want to spoil Eliot’s time here with bad news. You know how she is.”
“What the hell doesthatmean?”
“Oh, don’t give me that look, Catherine. I’m just stating a fact: Eliot isn’t like you and the others. You’re all so strong and hardheaded. But Eliot is quieter. More emotional. She’s…”
“Weak,” said Karma. “That’s what you were going to say. She’s weak.”
“You don’t have to be socrassabout it,” said our mom. “I’m just being honest, since you won’t. We need to protect her. We only just got her back, and I don’t want…”
But I didn’t stick around to hear the rest of their discussion. I’d heard enough. I’d heardmorethan enough. I turned around and slipped quietly out the pantry door before either of them even knew I was there.
—
HAVE YOU HEARD OF ANIrish exit? That’s what it’s called when someone slips out the back door without saying goodbye. That’s what Henry did. That’s how he exited life. So that’s what I do, too. In stressful situations or at events where I’m no longer enjoying myself, I say I have to go to the bathroom and slip out the door when no one is watching. It saves me from those painful conversations, the ones no one wants to have—where the host has to pretend they care that you, one guest in a dozen, are leaving, and the drunkest ones in thegroup try to convince you to stay, and you have to think of thirty different polite ways to say no. Nobody has thirty different polite ways to say no. It’s torture. So I avoid the whole thing. It’s brilliant. The technique has saved me countless times in New York—from dull conversations, from two a.m. tequila shots, from coworkers’ drunk college roommates. It’s my move.
Irish twins, Irish exits.
While everyone else set up for a game of poker, I made my Irish exit. Just as I placed my hand on the back doorknob, however, I made the mistake of peering over my shoulder.
Which is how I came to lock eyes with Manuel.
He was seated at the card table, staring right at me. I froze. His eyes were narrowed dangerously. He knew exactly what I was doing, and I saw the entire ACCA pass across his face. I swear to God, I did.
ACCA is another copywriting template. It stands for Awareness—Comprehension—Conviction—Action. I learned the template afterit,thatnight, during the month of feverish copywriting research that followed. In the most basic sense, ACCA is a way to get a new customer from “What is this thing?” to “I need this Self-Mixing Pocket Margarita® more badly than I’ve ever needed anything in my life.”
The technique works as follows:
AWARENESS of product/service
COMPREHENSION of said product/service (This is key: lots of advertisers assume you can drop something brand-new in front of a consumer without explanation and the consumer will want it. Then they wonder why sales in their Shopify account hover just above zero.)
CONVICTION that the consumer needsthis particularproduct/service
ACTION—Open your wallet and give us your money. Please.
Now. Let’s pretend for a second that Manuel is a new product/service. Better yet—Manuel is anoldproduct/service that recently released an updated edition. Now let’s perform an ACCA.
AWARENESS:
Introducing: the fully upgraded Manuel® 2.0!
COMPREHENSION:
