Page 75 of Kept to Kill
Bastian’s head swung toward her and he laughed. ‘Bit late for shyness. Besides, this includes you, Lily.’ His eyes locked on her chest and he licked his lips. She waited for him to pounce, but instead, he looked back at Quin.
‘I agree with what Mal says. That dress is dangerous. She cannot wear that tomorrow.’
Quin shook his head. ‘What else is she going to wear? How else can she get into the house? There are no maids. There are only courtesans and men.’
‘It’s all right,’ she said, looking down at herself and making the decision that needed to be made. ‘I will do it.’ She looked back at Quin. ‘So long as our deal still stands,’ she said to him, her tone as cold and level as his had been.
‘It stands,’ he confirmed and she nodded.
‘Very well. I will kill these three men and then I am free of you.’ She couldn’t meet the others’ eyes. This was best. ‘All of you.’
She turned and this time no one tried to stop her as she left the room, walking quickly back to hers. She closed the door to her chamber slowly and then leant against it, tears flooding her eyes. She was a fool, she thought, dashing them away. She needed to escape these men, their emotions, their needs, their games. She was not equipped for this turmoil they made her feel.
What had she been thinking, she wondered. What had she imagined she could have with them? She hadn’t thought, she realized. She had been seduced by their touches, their gazes, the things she’d never had before. Things she knew now she didn’t want, because this path only led to heartbreak. They didn’t care for her, she reminded herself. How could they? She was a monster. A killer. The only thing that she was good at was the thing that would get her killed and put on one of those gibbets.
She carefully removed the dress. Didn’t want to rip it, she thought bitterly, draping it over the chair. She put her thick nightgown back on, got into the bed, and closed her eyes. But sleep would not come, and all she could think of was the first night in the fortress with Mal. Then, later, with Bastian and him. The things they’d done, the things they’d made her feel. And not just her body; in her heart and in her mind. They were glad that Quin had fucked her, for now they could as well. She was their own private courtesan that they passed around between them, a convenient diversion that no one else had had before. By the time they were finished with her and Quin broke the binding, gods only knew what would be left of her.
Where would she go, she wondered, after all of this was done? Would she travel to the islands? No, there were too many people there. She needed somewhere alone where there’d be no mishaps. She could think of nothing worse than someone accidentally touching her in the street, a child running into her. Her eyes snapped open, heart beating fast. It was bad enough to kill a grown man or woman, but so much worse if she killed a child. She grimaced. Another child, she thought, clenching her fists.
She got out of the bed and, after getting dressed in the peasant clothes that Del had brought her, she slipped out of the safe house into the darkened street. She didn’t know this part of the city well, having spent most of her time by the docks, but she knew the general direction she needed to go.
She walked slowly, keeping to the shadows. It would not do for anyone else to notice her. It wasn’t against the law for her to be out this late. There was no curfew. But no one else was out. That meant something. And she knew the Brothers did not want her to appear strange or out of place. Considering the fervor that gripped this part of the realm, she had put her black cloak over her peasant clothes too. She could blend in with the darkness more easily as she walked north to the docks.
She knew when she was close. She knew that smell. For a moment, she was transported back to the alleyway, to the abandoned buildings where she and the others had gathered for warmth and safety.Safety.She sneered in the darkness. The illusion of safety, perhaps. She breathed in the salty air, the rotten smell of low tide brought in on the breeze pervading her nostrils.
And then she was there; the docks where the ships from all over the realm were moored. The store houses loomed in front of her, gray and stark in the sporadic light from the few lamps that had been lit. Keeping away from their glow, she walked without purpose. This place was different yet the same. She knew that behind these façades there would be children huddled in the dark, hungry and waiting to die just as she had been.
She should leave this place, she thought. She didn’t belong here anymore. Gone was the girl that had cowered in these backstreets with her friends. Yet she kept walking, finding the unnamed alley where they’d spent so much of their time. Those places where they had eaten and the shops they’d stolen from. She noticed the baker’s on the corner in front of her, still looking the same. Shut up for the night. How many times had they pilfered pies from that window sill? How many times had she and those two thin, freckled boys played and explored the city together?
Lily moved down the alley, her boots not making a sound in the half-dried mud and grime. She found the broken doorway, but she didn’t dare go inside, knowing that, at the very least, those who were in there would be afraid. But she stared at it for a very long time, thinking of times long past, wondering what had happened to her friend after Toman had died …after she had killed Toman. She made herself think the truth. She was back here. She had to face what she had done.
What would the men say to that, she wondered. What would the strong, foreboding, immoral Dark Brothers say if she told them she had killed a little boy of barely six winters? How she had watched him bleed from his eyes, shudder in her arms, plead with her to save him. She swallowed a sob.
Of her two friends, one she had killed and the other … she didn’t know. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him. But it was before Toman had died, when he’d only just started to feel poorly. Her curse had worked more slowly back then, and Kane had left them to find food or medicine.
But then Toman had died and a man had found her huddled with his body. He hadn’t touched her. She learned later that man was Vineri. He had been a high-ranking soldier and he’d been on the lookout for children like her, though she still had no idea how he could have learned of her existence. Before Toman she’d had no curse. It had just appeared one day and then Toman had died while she cuddled him to save him from the cold.
She turned, blinding tears filling her eyes, and went slowly back to the safe house, luckily not seeing anyone and avoiding the lone guards when they walked by. She went back up to her room, took off her clothes, donned her nightgown once more, and sat on the bed. Perhaps it would be better if she did not survive the morrow.
She would kill those three men, and then she would allow herself to be captured, she decided. The city soldiers and the king’s laws would take care of the rest. Perhaps then Toman’s spirit would be able to rest as well as all the other men she had killed. That thought calmed her, and finally she felt as if she could sleep. Lily closed her eyes. She lay back on the pillow and let herself sink into oblivion.
* * *
Quin hadn’t slept well.Once Mal and Bastian had left, he had lain on his bed, his eyes wide open, and thought about how he’d let things come to this. When the morning dawned, he got dressed and went downstairs, finding Del sitting in the parlor by herself.
‘There you are,’ he said. ‘I haven’t seen you since we got here. Where have you been?’
She looked up from her steaming cup, giving him a small smile. ‘I was giving you time before we began. Being the leader of the Army is taking its toll on you, boy. With your unit and your Fourth so …’ she looked out the window, ‘fractured, I thought I might give you some time to try and mend your bond.’
Quin sat down heavily. ‘Is it so clear to see?’
Del grinned. ‘Only because I’ve known you all your life. I doubt anyone else has noticed. Have you sorted things?’
‘If anything, I’ve made them worse.’
She looked at him sharply. ‘You are the Commander and you are the leader of your unit. Gods, boy, you have a Fourth. You must know what you need to do. When your bonds are weak, your unit is weak. You cannot afford that vulnerability.’
‘I know that,’ he said through clenched teeth.
