Page 21 of Kept to Kill
Chapter 6
Lily
Only after she heard the door click closed behind Bastian did Lily put her hands to her hot cheeks. What had possessed her to speak to him so brazenly? She’d just been so annoyed with his condescending pity, making her feel as if she were truly missing out on something simply because men couldn’t bring her pleasure. She let out an angry noise. What a prick, she thought, even as she remembered how he’d stared at her. She hadn’t liked the way men looked at her since she left the tower, but, gods, she found she very much enjoyed the way that he had. She didn’t know what the difference was, but there definitely was one. It couldn’t only be because he was handsome, could it? There had to be more to it than that, didn’t there? Granted, she hadn’t met many handsome men in her life. Was she just being seduced by his good looks?
She stared up at the mountains, the scene almost identical to the one from her tower room, though the mountains looked bigger, of course, now that they were so much closer. She found it calmed her frayed nerves, and if she just looked from the window, she could pretend she was still in her safe little room. She knew it wasn’t helpful to pretend in the long run. Sooner or later she was going to have to face the fact that her old life was gone, that that room was no more. She had to make this new one better any way she could, and perhaps that had to begin by turning this unit of Brothers she traveled with into her allies. She had no notion of how to do that really, of course – well, except for following their orders and killing whoever they wanted her to.
Someone opened the door and she started as she was abruptly brought out of her thoughts. It was the quiet one, Mal, who’d rushed her up the stairs by putting out his hand and pretending to touch her. She put her hand to her chest, where her heart was already starting to beat faster. What was the tyrant going to inflict on her now? After a tiring and fearful day in the open, on the road, in the company of those two nasty soldiers with their horrible words, and then what this one had done as soon as they’d arrived here, followed by her conversation with Bastian, Lily was strung tight as a bowstring. If this one tried anything, she might just use her curse voluntarily for once.
He stopped in the middle of the room and watched her. She drew herself up and adopted the pose Vineri always used; a sort of conceited nonchalance. It had always worked for him well enough and everyone had fearedhimnicely.
Mal cocked a brow at her, looking smug as he took a step forward. What was he doing? She took a step back and felt the wall at her heel as he took another step towards her. His narrow eyes never left her and he still had a look on his face as if he was playing some sort of twisted game. Anger bloomed inside her. If he wanted to kill himself, why should she stop him? She straightened and looked him dead in the eye as she took a large step forward. He didn’t falter even a tad, his step matching hers until they were so close that she could feel his breath on her face. The feel of it wasn’t altogether unpleasant. Her heart began to speed up in her chest. It wasn’t just from fear; it was anticipation as well. What would it be like to touch someone and for them not to simply die? For them to want her to do it, to not be afraid? What would it be like to reach out and touch his handsome face, for him to touch her back? Her breath caught in her throat as she stared at him.
It struck her what an odd sensation it was to be so close to another person, so close that she could feel their body though they weren’t touching her. She realized he was looking down at her face, his smug countenance having been replaced by something akin to respect. She frowned. Had this been a test of some kind?
Then his bare hand rose, stopping just shy of her cheek. She froze, not even daring to breathe. Would he do it? Would he use her to end his life? She closed her eyes and waited, refusing to flee from him and his silly game. And then she heard the door click and opened her eyes. She was alone.
Lily let out a long breath and staggered, weak-kneed, over to the bed, sinking down on it with a sigh of relief. She was very far out of her depth out here in the world, that was certain. Very little over the past decade had prepared her for this, and she had a feeling it would make or break her. She had to make sure it was the former. She wanted to survive, she realized with surprise. There had been times in the tower that she wouldn’t have cared if one of Vineri’s men had barged in and cut her down where she stood, but something was different now. She was changed after only a few days out here.
There was yet another knock at the door and she sighed. Which one was it now – Quin to come in and manhandle her with his gloved hands, perhaps? At that thought she felt a tingle between her legs and she shivered. No! She would not think about any of them that way. If nothing else, wanting these men – who were basically her captors – would set her down a disastrous path. She couldn’t let those sorts of notions in because there would be no fulfillment, only a hollow, lonely road. She almost laughed as she imagined it. Them all traveling together, her secretly wanting them while they gave her the orders of whom to kill for them and her doing what they wanted because she loved them. Her sitting in her rooms at the inns or in Quin’s tent, waiting for one of them to notice the cursed girl, give her a morsel of attention to keep her sweet.
She shuddered. What a pathetic existence. That was definitely not the life she wanted. She had to ensure she didn’t come to want them or even like them. So far as they’d behaved to her, liking them wouldn’t be a problem, though, so at least there was that. But she couldn’t be seduced by their stupid fucking beautiful-as-the-gods bodies either.
The door creaked open and a girl in an apron brought in a supper tray, thankfully not lingering except to tell her that hot water would be brought afterwards for bathing.
As soon as the girl was gone, Lily fell upon the food like a ravenous beast, not bothering with the manners that Vineri had made her learn, though she’d never really had to use them. She’d only eaten with others once or twice the entire time she’d been with him; the rest of the time had been trays brought to her room, pushed in with a stick. She felt annoyed now, remembering it. She’d not really minded before that they’d been so terrified of her. Would it have been nice for someone to tarry and speak to her, ask her how she was, learn her name? Of course, but it had simply been a fact of life that she was almost completely alone, and she’d told herself it was better so that there weren’t any more accidents.
But now she’d got to thinking. None of the men around her seemed afraid. The soldiers she put down to ignorance. As soon as they saw her in action, so to speak, with their own eyes, they’d find their fear. But Quin, Mal, and Bastian had seen what she could do and they hadn’t treated her much differently. She didn’t see fear or hatred in their eyes when they looked at her or spoke to her. She supposed it was because they were big bad Dark Brothers who weren’t afraid of anything, least of all death. But for her it was like a breath of fresh air not taking her cues from other people’s reactions. Even Vineri had never got very close to her, and he’d certainly never let his guard down.
It was quite nice not to have to be so scared just because everyone else seemed to be, and while the Brothers hadn’t been exactly kind to her, they hadn’t been as cruel as they could have been. Lily was under no illusions. Vineri had made sure of that in order to keep her from ever trying to run. If people found her out, even down here in the south, and there was no one to protect her, she’d be killed and probably set on fire wherever she fell. What was left of her would be burned again until there was nothing left but ash. And from what he had told her, it would be worse in the north.
She ate until all the food was gone, taking her goblet of water over to the casement to look over the darkening mountains she’d see from a ship tomorrow, she supposed. She’d never been on a boat before. When Vineri had brought her from Kitore, they’d traveled through the mountains, as it had been summertime, her only a girl of about nine or ten, she guessed. She had no way of knowing exactly, as if anyone in her home city had had any inkling of her exact age, they certainly hadn’t told her before Vineri had carted her away.
She watched for a long time as the sun set and the sky darkened until the room was too black to see much at all. She lit the candles from the small fire in the grate and sat on the bed, wishing she’d brought some books now.
She heard someone climbing the stairs and assumed correctly that it was the water for the small tub, which was just large enough for her to squeeze herself into. The innkeeper and the girl from earlier carried a massive copper bucket through the door and carefully filled the tub to halfway.
The maid asked if she needed help bathing, and she shook her head and waved them out as she’d seen Vineri do many times. They left her and, after hearing them descend the stairs, she shed her new clothes and stepped into the hot water. Sinking down to sit, she used her goblet to scoop water from the copper bucket they’d left, which still had some water left in it to wet her hair. She lathered herself with the lavender soap she found on the side and rinsed with the goblet before stepping out into the cold room and wrapping herself in a blanket from the bed. She sat by the fire for a while so her hair could dry. And then she lay on the bed, still wrapped in the blanket, and closed her eyes just for a moment.
The door slammed shut and she sat upright with a small scream, trying to remember where she was. She saw movement and was up and pressing herself into the wall before she was fully awake. It was Bastian, swaying drunkenly as he removed his cloak and his sword belt.
His eyes turned to her, practically guileless in his bibulous state. He didn’t speak, just started undressing in front of her. Her eyes widening, she lay back in the bed, looking away but keeping watch in case he came any closer. She heard him washing in the tub, swearing at the now-cold water as he splashed it all over the floor, and then he was standing over her, looking a bit more sober after his cold bath.
‘Are you going to take the bed and all the blankets?’ he asked, his very naked body dripping yet more water all over the place. She shook her head, trying and failing not to notice the way the water rolled off his broad chest, the glistening of his large arms. Gods, there wasn’t an ounce of flab on the man. It looked like he’d been carved out of rock. And that V that led down … She swallowed hard as she fumbled for one of the blankets off the bed and practically threw it at him.
She heard him chuckle knowingly and turned in the bed. If he was going to touch her, he probably would have tried already. She closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep.
She heard him sit on one of the chairs and felt a twinge of guilt. The bed was large enough for him as well, but it wasn’t safe, of course.
She turned back to him and opened her eyes, grateful that he at least had wrapped that blanket around his waist so she only had to contend with his upper half. He had poured himself a wine and was sitting at the table, his head propped up by his elbow on the table. It made him look normal, almost vulnerable, she thought. She didn’t know his age. He looked to be a bit older than her, perhaps. But this was the first time his eyes were youthful. From what she’d seen of him, he typically looked like he was trying very hard to act like a young man, but he never actually seemed to be one.
‘If you want, I could sleep in the chair,’ she offered.
The goblet on the way to his mouth froze and he turned to stare. He looked surprised that she’d offered.
‘Won’t you be uncomfortable in the chair all night?’ he finally asked, his eyes narrowing as if he were trying to find a plot or a machination in her offering and was confused that he could see none.
She shrugged. ‘I’ve slept a bit already,’ she said. ‘It’s unfair if I have it all to myself all night. The other two are probably sharing, but,’ her cheeks heated and she cast her eyes to the floor, ‘wecan’t, of course.’
