Page 152 of The Lost Zone
“No, Joe, it’s not. Win or lose, I still lose. You know that. I still get to be kicked around like a football by the Tylers and Neils of this world. That’s never going to change.”
“I hear you.” Leaning forward, Josiah tried to send some of his own energy into Alex’s inert frame. “I understand why you’ve given up on yourself, after all you’ve been through. But you have to know thatIam never giving up on you. You can have a go at me all you like. I’m a big boy, I can take it. It won’t change the fact that I’m here for you, and always will be.” He pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek. “You’re coming home in a couple of days, and I’m going to do something I haven’t done in years; I’m taking all the vacation days I’ve built up, and I’m going to spend the time with you, looking after you.” He was surprised to hear the words coming out of his mouth, as he hadn’t planned it, but now it was the only thing that made any sense.
Alex shrugged listlessly. “What about your work? The case? Nothing gets between you and a case. It’s all you really care about.”
Josiah winced. “Not anymore. You changed that. You know you did,” he said firmly. “As for the case, I have a team who can manage perfectly well without me for a few weeks, and a boss who is more than capable of handling it in my absence. I don’t promise I won’t work a little when you’re resting, but you’ll have my full attention when you need it.” He stood up. “There’s months to go before the trial. We have time – let’s use it, Alex. For the first time in a very long time, let’s have some fun. Both of us.”
Alex gazed at him sullenly, and Josiah knew it would take more than breezy optimism and the promise of quality time to make him even begin to feel better. Alex wasn’t a child to be cheered up with kisses and kind words. He was sunk in a deep depression, and with good reason. Josiah knew this would be the hardest fight of his life – but since when did he give up on a fight? As out of his depth as he was, he’d fight for Alex with everything he had.
“Now, get some rest.” He pressed a gentle kiss to Alex’s forehead. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
It didn’t get any easier when Alex returned home. He slept a lot, which Josiah hoped was good, but he wondered if it was as much a sign of his depression as his need to heal. When he was awake, he stared blankly at the wall, or the screen.
Josiah wasn’t the world’s best cook, but he tried rustling up some tempting dishes and, failing that, calling for takeaways, but nothing seemed to tempt Alex’s appetite, and the weight fell off him.
Conversation was sparse. Alex zoned in and out and often didn’t reply to anything Josiah said. It was hard going, and Josiah wasn’t sure if he was making the situation better or worse. Sofie had found a therapist, but Alex refused to go.
“What’s the point? She can’t change my material reality. There’s no point trying to fix me just to send me back to Tyler, or someone just as bad,” Alex intoned in that same listless voice. “Besides, I’m tired of people trying to get into my head. I just want to be left alone.”
He was prescribed anti-depressants, but he refused to take them, too.
“You could make him,” Sofie suggested. “On a medical issue, a houder can force an IS to take prescribed medicine.”
“Yeah, I know, but I wouldn’t do that to him.” Josiah shook his head firmly. “He hasn’t been allowed any bodily autonomy for years, and I’m not going to perpetuate that. If I want him to trust me, then I have to allow him agency.”
“Maybe that’s the problem,” Liz said during their weekly catch-up. “Having agency after years suppressing your every need and having no power or choice at all – that takes some adjustment. Trust me, I know. Maybe he’s overwhelmed by it.”
“What helped you to adjust?” Josiah asked. “I’ve been helping indies to escape for years, and I don’t think I gave enough thought to how difficult they’d find it to get used to their freedom.”
“Family and friends,” she said immediately. “Having support was crucial. Also, I learned a skill, and that was a great distraction.”
“Well, he’s laid up with a broken arm – that’s part of the problem. He was drawing before this all happened, but now he can’t use his arm for a few weeks and he has to rest. He has support – I’m here twenty-four-seven, and Sofie drops by for dinner regularly. Even Cam has been to visit.”
“They’reyourfriends, not his,” she pointed out.
“He doesn’t have any friends,” Josiah sighed.
Josiah was a problem-solver by nature, and he could see that sitting around waiting for Alex to snap out of it wasn’t going to work. He also missed the bright, witty man he’d come to know and couldn’t bear seeing him like this. All the same, he couldn’t let his empathy for Alex get in the way. Maybe all Alex needed was time, but time was in short supply, and he felt the need todosomething.
A thought occurred to him. It wasn’t technically true that Alex had no friends. He’d deliberately maintained an aloofnessduring his years as an IS, but he did still have one friend. He put in a call.
The next day, he opened the door to Ted Burgis, who was standing nervously, holding a battered box of chocolates.
“Sorry, I thought I should bring something, and these came in last week.” He handed the chocolates to Josiah. They were cheap, army shop milk chocolates, not the expensive dark ones he enjoyed, but it was a kind thought.
“Thank you, Ted. Like I said when I called, Alex is in a bad way. I haven’t told him you’re coming, so I’m not sure if he’ll see you or not.”
“I understand.” Ted gave an anxious smile. “I’ll do my best, sir, but we haven’t spent any time together in years. I’m not sure he’s going to want to see me now.”
“It can’t hurt.” Josiah rubbed his head wearily. “I’m running out of ideas – and please, call me Joe.”
He led Ted into the living room, where Alex was lying on the sofa. The screen was on, but he was staring absently at the wall behind it.
“Hey, Alex. I invited someone over for dinner.”
“Sofie?” Alex barely moved his head.
“No, someone else.”
