Page 54 of On My Side
Then silence.
“Oh my god,” she groans, burying her face in my Death Star throw pillow.
After we finally stopped laughing, we got to our feet. She told me she had to leave, and I told her we had to do aftercare. When she insisted she didn’t need it, I had the pleasure of admittingIneed aftercare after physical intimacy with a partner.
We’re on opposite sides of my couch, Leia licking her ass between us, and Audrey’s face buried in a pillow, groaning loudly.
Suddenly, my cock is at attention again, because I’m fantasizing about Audrey’s face buried in the same pillow. Her making that same noise while I have her bent over the arm of the couch and—
“Can I go now?” I think that is what she says, but her voice is so muffled that the odds of her actually having said, “candlelit ghost,” are pretty high.
“What?” I ask, making sure she’s not asking after Casper.
She sighs and lowers the pillow from her face. “Can I go now?”
“I mean. If you’re going to make it clear you want to leave, you might as well.”
“Ugh, I’m sorry. It’s such a cliché, but I promise it’s not you, it’s me. Can I overshare with you? Maybe some light trauma dumping?”
I glance at her out of the corner of my eye. “Uh… sure?”
“I haven’t had sex in sixteen years,” she says before burying her face in the pillow and groaning once again.
I stare at her. “You… what?”
“You heard me,” she grumbles.
“I just… what? How?”
She lifts her face again and turns her neck to meet my eyes. “Piper’s dad ended things moments after we conceived a child because he didn’t want to be ‘tied down’ in college. Which was fair, I never thought we’d be together forever or anything like that. I went on a single date when Piper was a year old and I’ll never forget the way he stared at me when I took my bra off. It was like seeing someone experience Paris syndrome in real life, being disappointed by something you build up in your head… I did everything I could to never repeat that experience, and haven’t been on a date since.”
My heart sinks. That’s why she didn’t want me to touch her breasts. Some asshole made her feel like shit about her body. Now she’s convinced herself he was right and not simply a loser whose idea of beautiful breasts were what he’d seen in porn.
“I never stayed when I had sex with Piper’s dad,” she continues. “We’d have sex in his car and he’d drop me home and that was that. Neither of our parents knew we were having sex,and I think that was why we slept together. The thrill of being bad, you know? Sneaking around like that made me feel alive.” She lifts her eyes. “But now I’m stunted because I have no idea what’s supposed to happen next.”
I chew on my lower lip, trying to find the right words to say. “I’m sorry,” is what I settle on.
“You don’t have to apologize,” she says earnestly. “I wanted… that. You didn’t do anything wrong, and you didn’t know…”
“Sweetheart, Iknowyou wanted it,” I interrupt her. “I’m apologizing because I’m genuinely so sorry that someone made you feel shitty about your body.”
Audrey doesn’t say anything, staring absently at Leia as my cat daughter cleans between her toes. “What happens now?” she asks, voice barely louder than a whisper.
“I’m not sure,” I admit. My experience with relationships and sex and love is complicated, to put it mildly. “I think we get to figure it out.”
“I have a crush on you,” she blurts out suddenly before burying her face in the pillow again.
“I mean… we dry humped like teenagers. I’dhopeyou were attracted to me.”
She throws the pillow at me, but I catch it before it makes an impact.
“Come on, sweetheart. I have seven siblings and you thought you could catch me off guard by—” I’m cut off when a Millennium Falcon pillow collides with my face.
“And I’m a mom. You think I haven’t perfected the art of taking people by surprise?” she asks in a saccharine voice.
I don’t doubt it. She constantly takes me by surprise, and not only because she nailed me with the second pillow.
“Since you told me you have a crush on me, I guess I should tell you I have one on you, too. Always have, actually. You were the first girl I had a crush on. God, you were prettier thanPrincess Leia—” Audrey makes a strangled choking noise, but I keep talking. “Like I was kind of obsessed.”
