Page 48 of On My Side
why don’t you ask him yourself tomorrow at your lesson?
Piper
i thought you told me he cancelled this week?
I groan and fight the urge to slam my head against the desk. Hedidcancel. He gave a reason, but I can’t help doubting his excuse. If he wants to avoid me, fine. He can have his space.
I’ll continue to ignore the fact it hurts my heart to think about him not being around.
I need to masturbate, to someone who isn’t Ren. I’ll try a new performer tonight and I’ll forget about Ren Quinn and Sky and we can go back to being maybe friends and I won’t wonder what his beard would feel like on my neck as he sucks on my pulse point.
Because normal people don’t think that about friends. At least, I won’t. I refuse.
But whatwouldit be like to have him that close? To have his hands on my body, giving me relief with more than his voice and words? Pleasuring me with his hands, his tongue, his…
I jolt as the phone rings. “Front desk, how can I help you?”
I take notes for what this particular guest needs, trying to ignore what my body is screamingIneed.
When I finally get home, it’s almost ten p.m., and I’m exhausted. I stop in to see Piper, who’s on her iPad. Then I head directly for my bedroom, unbuttoning my top as I go.
While removing my contacts, I tell myself over and over I’m going to get myself off to someone new. Someone who isn’t Ren’s alter ego. Someone who will get me to stop fantasizing about this man I should have nothing to do with.
I strip down to my underwear and climb onto the bed. I lay back against my pillows, hair splayed across the white linen and open 4Play.
I promise, I’m going to explore the other creators. I’m going to listen to someone new.
But the first thing I see is Sky’s new release. Sky doesn’t usually release on Fridays, and it’s simply titled, “For You.”
I’m a weak, foolish woman, because I’m pressing play before I even look at the tags, my stomach fluttering like this man made this for me.
“Hi, sweetheart.”Sky’s voice surrounds me through my headphones, followed by a deep chuckle. See? I can do this. I can get off to Sky and forget he’s Ren. I can separate the two and it’ll be fine. “Can I call you sweetheart? It feels right to call you that, and you said you might want me to.”
I spread my legs and plant my feet on the mattress as I reach for my favorite vibrator.
“It’s been a minute, huh? You’re not talking to me, so I decided to get through to you in a way I knew would work.”
I turn on the vibrator and place it over my clit, inhaling sharply at the sensation.Fuck. I’ve been horny all day and I’m desperate for an orgasm.
“I don’t know if you realize it yet, but this is a little different. A little improvised. A little… personal.”
God. It’s no use. When I close my eyes, it’s Ren I see. Ren leaning over me, asking if he can have me like this. Ren pushing me against the wall and kissing me until my lips are swollen. Ren kissing me awake and kissing down my body…
Andthat’swhere my sexual fantasies have gone. Soft intimacy, not with some faceless performer, but withRen.
IwantRen. In more ways than I should. Inallthe ways I shouldn’t.
“I hope your head’s okay, I had a nasty bump on my forehead for a few days.”
My eyes fly open and the hand that was pinching my nipple through my bra flies to my forehead, where I covered a quarter-sized bruise with concealer this morning.
“And if you’re thinking I’m not talking about you, not talkingtoyou… you’re wrong, sweetheart. I’m talking about you, to you. Because I’m always fucking thinking about you.”
I slowly sit up as my vibrator falls to the mattress, buzzing against the sheets. My head is swimming, my stomach sinking.
No.
No.
