Page 44 of On My Side
But she came to my room… instead of finishing the audio. Then she pretty much fell out of the bathroom in a panic, eyes wide and chest heaving. While I wanted to believe it was simply because she realized the possibility that she’d be outed as a consumer of audio erotica, there’s something inside me telling me she was afraid I’d know what she knows.
I’m feeling so many emotions at this realization, but mostly confused becausehowwould she know? I change my voice to stay anonymous, have never shown my face and Sky has no social media. Her knowing should be an impossibility.
But Audrey is nothing if not an impossibility.
I wanted her last night, and I let myself believe she wanted me, too.
I think shedidwant me, too. I haven’t wanted to be physically intimate with someone in a long time, and I want a lot more than a quick fuck with Audrey. Every time she lets me into any part of her life, I’m insatiable. I want more of her. More of Audrey’s life, more of Piper’s sarcastic comments and drinking coffee from Audrey’s mugs.
But she pulled away from me.
I finally fall asleep at four thirty, and my alarm wakes me a whopping three hours later. On Wednesdays, Will and I lift at the gym, so I force myself out of bed and get dressed.
My landlord texted me to let me know that miraculously, there was no damage to my apartment and I can come back later today. At least one thing is going my way.
I decide to leave Leia with Piper a little longer, and send Audrey a text to ask if that’s okay.
She responds with a thumbs up, like she’s my dad.
“Damn,” Will says when I find him at the dumbbells. “You look like hell.”
“Thanks,” I say sarcastically. But when I examine myself in the mirror, I think he may have been too generous. “Yikes.”
“Late night for Sky?” Will asks, taking an earbud out of his ear expectantly.
“In a way,” I grumble, not wanting to continue the conversation. While Will is the only person in my life who knows about Sky, I haven’t talked much about Audrey, and I don’t really want to.
“Hmm,” Will says thoughtfully, grabbing two forties from the rack. “You haven’t looked this rough since Taylor. Is she back in town?”
I sigh and sit on the bench, shoulders slumped. “Worse. There’s someone else, and she doesn’t want me.”
Not talking about Audrey lasted all of ten seconds. I’m pathetic.
Will hovers over me, dumbbells still dangling by his sides. “Are you okay?” he asks empathetically.
I stare at the ground, at the sweat-stained tiles, for what feels like forever until I finally shake my head.
“What’s going to help?” Will asks.
I inhale shakily and get to my feet, striding to the rack with purpose.
I can fake it until I make it.
Because the only thing that might help is lifting weights heavier than the heaviness in my heart.
I’m both relieved and disappointed when I get to the cottage and Piper informs me Audrey’s at the inn. Relieved, because of last night. Disappointed, because of last night.
The rest of the week speeds by, and I’m back at my parents’ for another Sunday dinner. It’s a big, mandatory one. At least for everyone in driving/short train ride distance. The twins’ birthday was a few days ago,andthey’re headed back to college tomorrow. Our mother could not be happier.
“We’re spending the weekend at the shore after we drop Leo off at Rutgers,” Mom says excitedly, red wine sloshing over the lip of her wine glass.
“Mother, you are a mess,” Jo says, handing Mom another napkin.
“Respect your elders, Josephine,” Josh quips.
“Respect my fist in your face, Henry,” Jo says without glancing in his direction.
Nic snickers. “Ooh, burn.”
