Page 116 of On My Side
He kisses my temple and drops his arms from around my waist. I’m immediately unsteady without his strengthsupporting me. I turn to face him, surprised by the intensity in his eyes.
“Audrey.” He says my name so slowly, like he wants to keep the sound of it on his lips for as long as possible.
“That’s me,” I say quietly.
He smiles softly and cups my cheek with his hand, running his thumb over my lower lip. “Fuck, Aud. I—”
My heart is pounding harder than it ever has before. Is he going to tell me he loves me? God, I want him to. I desperately, desperately want him to say it. But instead he drops his hand, a forced smile on his face, and my heart sinks. “I think you smell good.”
“You said that already,” I say softly, averting my eyes to hide my disappointment.
“It bears repeating,” he responds, voice low. “I’m going to shower real quick, okay? Make yourself at home.”
How am I supposed to make myself at home when home’s the one walking away?
When I hear the shower turn on, I let myself explore his living room. Leia followed Ren and now sits outside the bathroom, so I’m alone.
Above his couch are framed pictures of him and his family through the years. A picture of all ten of them at Kat’s wedding. A picture of a teeny tiny bespectacled Ren and a grumpy Jo, I think, each holding a teeny tiny baby. I smile, remembering the day Mr. and Mrs. Quinn brought the twins home, and how excited we’d been to each hold them. A picture of him with his parents at his college graduation, and him and all of his siblings at what looks like his high school graduation.
My heart blooms as I take in how muchlovehe grew up with. I know it wasn’t perfect, because he received that love, and somehow thought it was something he had to earn, not his birthright. That being “good” and readily available and willing todrop anything for anyone made him worthy of love, not the fact he’s him. Just him.
I need him to know he could do nothing else for me, and I’d still love him. I’d still want to live life with him. After a lifetime of isolating Piper and I to keep us safe from everyone else… I want to let him in. Let him see everything I used to hide.
I’m not sure what comes over me, but I’m moving towards the bathroom, pulling my dress over my head as I go. I’m sure I look goofy as hell in nothing but my bra, underwear, stockings, and ankle booties. But still I take a deep breath and push the bathroom door open.
“Aud?” Ren calls over the sound of the shower. His voice is like a beacon through the steam. “I’ll be out in a sec.”
This bathroom is gorgeous. White and gray tile, and a huge shower with a glass door. My heart pounds when he and his perfect body turn to face me, eyes widening at my state of undress.
“Actually,” I say slowly, kicking off my ankle boots. “I was wondering if I could join.”
It feels like his silence lasts minutes, but in reality it can’t be more than three seconds. “I… uh… yeah. Of course. Do you… want to come in?”
“Yes,” I say quietly, pulling my stockings and underwear down in one fell swoop. Ren quickly turns so he’s facing away from me as I reach behind me to unclip my bra, my breasts sagging as the fabric pools at my feet. I take a deep breath and push open the glass door, the heat of the shower enveloping me.
“Hi,” Ren says. “I won’t turn around, I promise.”
My heart flutters. This man is good without having to try. Even though I undressed and joined him in the shower, he’s still respecting my boundaries. Still seeing me.
I move forward until my front is pressed against his back and wrap my arms around him.
“What—are you okay?” Ren asks, and I notice his eyes are squeezed shut. I grin at the fact that not only is he facing away from me, but he’s keeping his eyes shut to ensure he doesn’t see me.
“I’m so good, Ren,” I whisper, pressing my cheek against his sculpted back. “I needed to tell you something.”
He nods solemnly, like this isn’t an outlandish situation. “I’m listening.” He covers one of my hands with his, squeezing gently.
“I think you wanted to tell me you loved me earlier,” I say, the words tumbling out one after the other. I can’t stop it. “The second time you told me I smelled nice. And don’t you dare tell me you were quotingStar Warsagain, because youdolove me, Ren. I know you do. But I also know you didn’t want to say it because you don’t want to scare me. Because you don’t know if I love you, too.” I inhale before continuing. “And I do. Love you. So much that sometimes it feels like you live in my chest and squeeze my heart for the fun of it. So much that… that I let my guard down and I’m okay with that. So much that I think you can love Piper as much as I do. So much that—”
I’m cut off when he turns towards me, cupping my face in his hands. He steals my confession out of my mouth when he tips my face and kisses me.
I love you, I think, wrapping my arms around him again.I love you because you’re you. I want you because you’re you. You’regoodbecause you’re you.
“Audrey.” He sighs my name when he finally breaks the kiss, pressing his forehead to mine. He cups my waist, thumb absentmindedly drawing designs on my skin. “I… I don’t know what to say. You said it all. You stole my goddamn love confession.”
I laugh, delighted at his frustration and the smile that spreads across his face at my laughter. “You saw right through me. Of course I love you, sweetheart. I’ve loved you since I was nineyears old.” He pauses. “Maybe it wasn’t love because I was nine years old. But the thing I’m most certain of in my life is I love you today.”
“You became a safe haven for us, for me and Piper. I don’t think I had a choice but you love you. It was as inevitable as the tide changing.
