Page 84 of On My Side
This time, I wore a newer pair of underwear, a pair that can still pass as white, and not gray-ish brown. I should invest in nicer lingerie if he’s frequently going to be between my legs.
He hooks his fingers into the elastic waistband and slowly inches them down my legs, over the thigh highs and off my body. He keeps his eyes on mine as he brings the fabric to his face, deeply inhaling the scent. It’s one of the most erotic moments of my life, and I squeeze my thighs together in a vain attempt for relief.
“Keep those pretty thighs open for me, sweetheart,” he says. His words are dominant, but his voice is gentle and soft. “I want to see everything.” He sits back on his heels again, eyes fixed on mine.
I take a deep breath, trying to push through the sudden vulnerability I feel in this moment. My stretch marks and cellulite are front and center, but I try to focus on the fact he doesn’t seem to care. That hewantsto see me.
I bend my knees and plant the soles of my feet into the bedding, opening myself—easier access for me, and easier viewing for him.
He wants to see you.I remind myself.He isn’t faking his hard-on.
I press the button on my toy and it comes to life with a steadybuzz.I hear Ren’s breath hitch as his eyes follow the toy as I bring it between my legs. I suck two fingers into my mouth, and use those fingers to spread myself so I can access my clit. Ren and I both moan as I gently brush a finger over my already-swollen clit.
“You’re beautiful, Aud,” he chokes out, bringing his eyes back to mine. “How is it possible for you to be this beautiful?”
I blush from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I turn my head to the side to try to keep him from seeing how much his words affect me.
“Please don’t hide from me, sweetheart.” His voice is heart-achingly tender, so much I feel it in my soul. I glance back at him, and he smiles softly at me.
I’ve never felt so exposed yet so safe at the same time. Like I’m slowly breaking down the walls I’d spent years strengthening, and instead of being horrified and disgusted by what I tried to keep hidden, he keeps asking to see more.
Finally, I place the suction directly over my clit, and we sharply inhale in unison.
“That’s it, sweetheart,” he praises me, eyes on my pussy. “Take what you want. You deserve it.”
I swear to god, if this man makes me cry while I masturbate, I’m going to have a conniption.
Ren watches my movements like he’s trying to memorize them. “Like what you see?” I tease breathlessly, unsettled by the silence. I’m notusedto masturbating without a voice in my ear.
“Like feels too small,” he says. “You’re perfect, Audrey.”
My nipples harden, and I fight the urge to pluck at them. If I were alone, I would, but this is one wall I’m not ready to let down yet. Although, for the first time ever, he has me thinking it might be a matter of time. That he’ll look at the breasts that grew and changed and lost shape with pregnancy and breastfeeding and find them beautiful, too.
“Can you kiss me?” I ask, voice shaky. I’m nowhere close to an orgasm, and to be completely honest, I don’t know if I’ll come tonight. But he’s here, and I feelgood.
Part of me feels bad asking him to move from the show he’s earnestly enjoying, and another part of me feels bad for needing him closer.
But the part of me that needs his touch, anything he can give me,him, overrides the guilt.
Instead of responding, Ren stretches out next to me and kisses me. My heart beats faster at his touch, and he snakes his arm under my neck, gently drawing patterns on my shoulder.
“Can I touch you like this?” Ren asks me, placing one hand on my belly. I wonder if he can feel the butterflies inside.
I’ve always been self-conscious about my belly, despite trying to love it. It looks the way it does because my body created and grew my favorite human. But it’s jiggly and it has stretch marks and dimples. It’s soft, not like his.
Now? His touch is like a balm to the years I spent hating it, wishing it looked different.
He's gentle, his thumb stroking just below my belly button. He breaks the kiss, burying his face in my hair, and it feels like he’s surrounding me, protecting me the same way my walls did for so long.
Maybe that’s why they begin to crumble.
I moan as I edge closer and closer to the peak. I’m surprised at it happening, and beg my brain and body to let me have this. To letushave this.
“You can let go sweetheart,” Ren promises, his breath hot against my ear. “I’ve got you, you’re safe with me.”
I know I am, and my body does too, because I come on a sharp cry.
I can feel his smile against my neck as I fall apart. “There she is.”
