Page 40 of On My Side
“You’re not broken,”imaginary Ren whispers in my ear.“You’re not damaged goods, no matter what they say. Your body is so good.You’refucking good.”
I jackknife into a sitting position and violently yank my headphones off my head.
What thehell?
Is that the dirty pillow talk my subconscious wants? To be wanted even when I’m known? That the things I’ve put so much energy into hiding are beautiful and worthy of light?
Why can’t I be into light degradation or something? Nope, I need my sexual partner to fucking therapize me.
I snatch the vibrator I’d dropped and turn it off. Somehow, I’m even hornier than I was before, and also havezerodesire to continue, because who knows what other bizarre kinks will be unlocked. Who knows how else I’ll picture Ren.
I swing my legs over the side of my bed and get to my feet.
Ren is a person. A human being. He’s not a concept and not automatically tied to Sky and I shouldn’t know he is. He obviously doesn’t want people to know, probably so his student’s invasive moms don’t get off to him.
Ren is a person. A good, generous person. He’s not a fantasy. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
I take a deep breath and swap my contacts for glasses. I change into bike shorts and a t-shirt before leaving my room and grabbing my keys.
“Come in!” Piper calls when I knock on her door.
“Hey, birdie.” I poke my head into the room. She’s turned her fairy lights on and is snuggled under her weighted blanket, her iPad leaning against her giant metal cup on her nightstand. Leia is curled into a donut shape beside her, on top of the blankets. The feline meets my eyes and I narrow mine at her.
Stop it!I tell her psychically.I know! Sheneedsa goddamn cat! You don’t have to make me feel bad about it!
Leia stares at me, unblinking.
“What’s up?” Piper asks, pressing pause on whatever she’s watching.
“Nia texted, and she locked herself out of the system and needs me to reset it,” I lie. “I’m going to run to the inn for about an hour, are you okay on your own?”
“Yup,” she answers, pressing play on her iPad. Familiar music plays from it.
“Are you… watchingStar Wars?”
“Yes. Leia wanted to see her namesake and since I’ve never seen it, I thought it was the perfect activity for this evening.”
I shake my head. “Mr. Q is a bad influence on you.”
I can’t see her face, but I know this little brat is smirking. “Sure, Mom.”
Ten minutes later, and I’m knocking at room 215, a stack of towels tucked under my arm.
When Ren opens the door, I literally drop them.
Like, literally. It’s embarrassing.
He’s freshly showered and wearing an oversized t-shirt and forest green boxers that match his eyes. His hair is wet and he’s drying it with a towel. He must have brought his own shampoo and soap, because he doesn’t smell like the subtle cotton and tea tree oil of the toiletries we provide, but instead like sandalwood and sea salt and… is that peppermint?
“Oh, shit,” he says, bending down to grab the towels at the same time I do. Our heads collide with a loudthwack. My phone falls from my hand, and we simultaneously groan and pull away from each other.
“Ow,” I groan, covering my forehead with my hand.That’sgoing to leave a bruise.
“I’m sorry,” Ren sounds truly contrite, or maybe he’s in pain. “I was just trying to…”
I start to laugh, because god. It’s ridiculous. We smacked our heads together like it’s some poorly-written meet cute in a Hallmark Christmas movie.
He starts to laugh too, and my entire body is flooded with warmth atRen’slaugh. This laugh I’ve come to love and be comforted by.
