Page 131 of On My Side
Chapter 42
Ren
Playlist: Glittery - From the Kacey Musgraves Christmas Show | Kacey Musgraves [feat. Troye Sivan]
December
Over the next few weeks, Audrey and Piper become a part of my daily routine. One Thursday in early December, I get a text from Piper asking for a ride home because she doesn’t want to take the bus. I agree, but regret it when we find ourselves in an argument about Hayden Christensen’s performance as Anakin in the prequels.
“Just because he’s attractive doesn’t mean he’s a good actor,” Piper argues as she uses her free arm to unlock the front door to the cottage. Leia is happily curled in her other arm, because Piper somehow convinced me to go back to my apartment and pick up Leia. I’m convinced Piper has weird mind controlpowers, because suddenly I was unlocking the door to my apartment with no recollection of driving there.
“I’m notsayinghe’s a good actor because he’s attractive,” I respond, closing the door behind me. “I’msayinghe’s a good actorbecausehe’s a good actor. He also just so happens to be attractive.”
While Piper launches into her rebuttal, I head to the kitchen, kissing Audrey on the cheek before washing my hands and cutting the vegetables on the counter.
“But you know who’s hotandis a good actor? That dude who plays Obi Wan,” Piper shouts from her spot on the couch.
“You’re right,” I agree, mostly so I can talk to Audrey. “What’s for dinner?”
That night, when Audrey and I brush our teeth side by side, I realized she never asked me to stay, and I never asked if I could.
I just… did. Like we both have decided this is where I’m supposed to be.
“Mom hates Christmas,” Piper informs me in the middle of class a few weeks later. The two of us are sitting at the piano at the inn, while Audrey’s reading a romance I gave her at the front desk. When I glance towards the front desk out of the corner of my eye, Audrey flinches, like Piper’s words cause physical pain.
Similarly, I can feel the chasm in my heart at that moment.
“She’s always sad, but pretending she’s not,” Piper continues, and I turn my attention back to her. “And she says she’s not crying on Christmas morning, but her eyes are always puffy and red when she finally comes out of her room for presents…”
Piper’s voice fades as I look back at Audrey and meet her eyes. She smiles, but I know she’s forcing it.
That night, I ask her about it after she unties my hands from the headboard.
“Did you let me sit on your face to butter me up, Lorenzo?” she asks teasingly, playing with my chain.
“You know I didn’t. It’s a coincidence you’re soft and satiated in your afterglow.”
She’s silent for a beat before speaking again. “I used to love it. I loved any excuse for decorations and celebration, and for most of my adolescence, I’d insist to my parents we hang our stockings the day after Halloween.” She exhales heavily, refusing to look at me. “And then I got pregnant.”
I grab her hand, kissing the back of it as I weave our fingers together.
“Halloween is easy,” she continues. “Pumpkins and skeletons and apple cider and handing out candy. Christmas is hard. Thanksgiving was easy to make our own, with the tradition of working, but Christmas was when the questions came. Why didn’t she have a dad? Where were her grandparents? Why did other kids get more expensive gifts?”
I swallow roughly, the image of Audrey in her early twenties trying to give Piper the best life she could, feeling like she never was doing enough. “That sounds hard,” I say earnestly.
“It was,” she whispers. “Aunt Olivia tried to make it as special as possible, and we came to the cottage and made our own little traditions… but the season was a stark reminder of what I didn’t have, of what I used to. It’s gotten worse since Aunt Olivia died, because now Piper remembers what used to be different, too.”
“What was your favorite tradition?” I ask, and it feels like my heart is filled with helium as a soft smile makes her face glow.
She tells me about how she and her parents would cut their own tree at Miller’s Tree Farm, a small farm an hour northwest, then get hot apple cider before driving home. Her dad would set up the tree in the living room, and they’d spend the evening eating pizza and watching Christmas movies while decorating the tree.
“I always put the angel on the top,” she reminisces wistfully.
The day before Christmas Eve, I text Piper.
Ren
come outside, i need your help.
