Page 25 of Hank and Elsie
Cai sucked in a sharp breath and glanced upward, waving towards the sky. “All that blue up there is misleading. There’s a gray cloud of sadness settled over this ranch, particularly over me. I look up sometimes and I’m shocked to see clear sky.”
Her eyes shone with sympathy. “With some losses, it feels the very heavens should weep.”
With a bleak look on his face, Cai gestured to the orchard. “Aurie, loved the fruit trees, especially the cherries. I’ve kept myself busy making the walls higher.”
Hank listened, uncomfortable with the conversation, feeling so badly for the man, yet not knowing what to say. For the first time in years, he allowed himself to truly remember the pain and bewilderment he’d felt after the double shock of his younger sister’s death, and then of losing his grandmother within a few days.Truth be told, there few words of comfort, anyway.
Unlike Driscoll, Julianne’s death hadn’t left Hank entirely alone. He had his older sister, Macy, and his grandfather. But that harsh old man as practically his sole kin was almost worse. His grandfather had doted on his sweet, youngest granddaughter. Julianne had been able to soften his rigidity and could cajole smiles out of him. But then, Hank had come down with diphtheria and passed the disease to his sister and grandmother. His grandfather had never forgiven him.
Now, though, he realized, remembering Julianne seemed less painful than pushing her memory into the past. Perhaps, he’d been doing them both a disservice.How else is she to live on if not through me?
“My condolences.” Something about the sorrow in Cai’s eyes made Hank say more, words he hadn’t until today admitted to anyone. “I know what it’s like to lose a beloved younger sister.” He gave Cai a wry smile.
The tenseness in the man’s jaw relaxed a bit. “The hole Aurie’s left in the ranch is unbelievable.”
“There’s also a hole in yourheart,” Mrs. Norton gently pointed out. “Those never completely heal, although we find a way to patch over them.”
A lump tightened Hank’s throat. He’d not just patched over Julianne’s loss, he’dbrickedover that hole.
In that moment, Hank knew even though he wouldn’t be leaving the Driscoll ranch with a potential wife, he wasn’t coming away empty-handed, or perhaps a better label would be empty-headed or even empty-hearted. For the first time in years, he felt his sister’s presence and allowed the memories to come.
On the wayback to Sweetwater Springs, Hank and Mrs. Norton drove in silence. Although Cai and the remaining Andersons who hadn’t left for Concord, indeed, welcomed them, the rancher was correct about the cloud of grief hanging over the inhabitants. They tried, but their smiles didn’t quite reach their eyes.
Mrs. Norton was the first to speak. “One of the hardest parts of being a minister, or his wife, for that matter, is how helpless we are to truly console someone who is mourning a grievous loss. The knowledge of a heavenly reunionsomeday, while certainly reassuring, isn’t enough to stop the pain of thenow.”
Hank let out a slow breath. “You’re surely right about that.”
“I’m sorry I wasted your time on this visit.”
Hank automatically shifted into gallantry. “Spending time with a lovely lady is never a waste.” Then, abruptly, he remembered with whom he was traveling.How inappropriate to speak thus to a minister’s wife.
If he hadn’t been holding the reins, Hank would have smacked his forehead. Heat prickled the back of his neck. “I mean, I’ve learned a lot from our conversations.” He looked over to see if she seemed offended.
She sent him an understanding smile.
His shame eased, and he revealed more of his thoughts. “Truth be told, Cai’s loss made me think of my little sister, Julianne, in a way I haven’t in years. I was ten when she died.” Another glance at Mrs. Norton showed her watching him with an attentive expression. “The pain of remembering was too great.”
Then, it was as if a key turned in the lock holding back his memories, opening the door he’d shut so long ago. Hank began to talk about that dark time, sharing about losing the ray of sunshine he’d been blessed to call a sister and the grandmother he’d held so dear.
They were nearing town when Hank finally ran out of words. He couldn’teverremember talking so much. He knew he should be embarrassed for hogging the conversation. Yet, somehow, he felt…. He couldn’t describe the feeling.Relieved?Lighter?Relaxed?He gave up searching for the right word and just accepted that something in his chest was no longer tight.
With the images of his sister crowding his mind, he sought for a way to honor her in the present and the future. There was a white, cloud-shaped boulder near a pine tree at the side of his house near the garden. He’d left it in place because he’d like the look of it. He could chisel his sister’s name across one side. Not her birth and death dates, though. That would be morbidly too much like a gravestone. Carve his grandmother’s name on the other side.
I could plant flowers around the boulder. Roses, perhaps.The very idea brought him comfort, and just maybe…belatedly…some healing.
CHAPTER 10
As Hank stood outside the church not quite mingling, he realized how uncomfortable, no, downrightembarrassing, a bride search could be. The members of the congregation mingled on the street in front of the church, only moving like a slow wave when a vehicle passed by.
He didn’t know what to do with himself besides nodding at folks and touching the brim of his Stetson to the ladies. No wearing a bowler for him today. He didn’t want to worry about a breeze taking off his hat.
Luckily, it had lightly rained yesterday, just enough to dampen the dirt without bogging down the road. So, the wheels didn’t kick up dust to cover everyone’s church-going finery.
Hank was only acquainted with a few people. It wasn’t like he’d go up to the Cobbs for a chat, and both pairs of Nortons were already several churchgoers deep in conversations.
Therefore, he stood alone, feeling like all kinds of a fool, while trying to discreetly check out the ladies without rudely staring—hard to do when it sometimes took him more than a few seconds to first make the assessment of availability and then decide if he was interested.
Unfortunately, aside from seeing the worn-out looking widow with her children, Hank couldn’t be certain any of the women were available.
