Page 35 of Beg for It

Emotion clogs my throat as a flash of surprise at his confession rolls over me. “Thanks.” I whisper, not knowing what else to say, but being grateful to have someone in my life who cares as much as he does. I’m not used to it.

“Don’t thank me. You're a good person, Camden. A good friend. Whatever bullshit you have going on in your life, you don’t deserve. Now, for the three fuckers who think they have the right to mess with your life. I can’t do much about them, but if you spend all of your free time with me, they can’t corner you alone.”

Fear spikes through me. Does he know what happened with Brooks?

Fuck! Brooks, River. Scent matches.

My stomach rolls at the sudden need for them. What is wrong with me? Why the fuck am I aching for them? I hate them. They’ve done nothing other than make my life hell for no fucking reason but their own personal entertainment. They’re the reason why I tried to kill myself.

No. That's a lie. As much as they’ve been fucking with me, Brooks didn’t force himself on me. I wanted it. Even though it was fucked up, I wanted him. It’s all so confusing right now.

Because that wasn’t me, right? It has to be the bond. They’re my scent matches. That's it. Because otherwise, it would be messed up.

You are messed up Camden. You loved every fucked up thing that Alpha said and did to you. Don’t deny it.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I take a few deep breaths. “Thanks.” I say eventually.

“If you didn’t think we were besties before, you sure as hell are going to now. Or be sick of me for being up your ass,” he grins playful.

I laugh at that. “I guess time will tell.”

Jamie stays with me until the nurses kick him out. After a while, the doctor, as well as a psychiatrist, pay me a visit.

The doctor goes over the severe side effects of the pills I’ve been using and how dangerous continuing them could be for me in the long run.

The psychiatrist asks me a million questions about my life, none that I answer truthfully. So instead, I lie through my teeth, telling them I didn’t want to off myself and it was just a bad moment caused by the paranoia the meds I was taking caused me.

They both suggest I stay off the scent blockers, but if I was set on keeping up with taking them, he prescribes me the brand name medication option. The ones that were legal and didn’t have as many negative side effects.

He gave me enough pills for a month. A month and that was it. He wrote me a prescription for three more refills but even with my new job I was set to start, without any insurance, these pills are in the hundreds per month. It’s absurd how expensive these are.

The pay for this job seems to be good, but I’m not sure yet on how my hours are going to be. I might just make enough money to put gas in my car and feed myself at school. The possibility that I’ll also be able to pay for the medication I’ve come to depend on to survive is very low.

The good and bad news is, I have to stay here for three days under observation. Good because that's three days safe from running into them. From coming face to face with the three men who I hate more then anything, yet can’t help but fucking crave. God, I’m fucked up. Maybe I should ask them to commit me, because clearly there’s something wrong with me.

The bad news is, I have to stay here for three days. The room is too big, too open and too plain. The smells are all off. Too sterile. I want to go back to the dorm and curl up in my nest. The blankets are scratchy and thin. Everything about this place feels wrong.

Another reason I want to leave so bad is because they won’t let me take the suppressants until after I leave.

So I get to detox only to leave and go right back on pills.

Why didn’t he just let me die?

* * *

Three days later, I’m a free man. Lovely.

I spent the first day of my stay whimpering, aching, craving an Alpha’s touch. My Alphas. The Alphas who hate me and want me gone from their school.

Day two, I spent with my head over a toilet, shaking with the chills.

And day three was spent sleeping it away.

“You okay?” Jamie asks me. True to his word, he came back and picked me up after my mandated stay.

I seriously don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like him. But seeing how I’m alone in this world, I'll take what I can get. He’s also a damn good friend.

“I’m fine.” I smile over at him. “Just tired.” It wasn’t a lie. I just want to go home, curl up in my nest and sleep the next year away.

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