Page 10 of Griffin
I had a hard time catching my breath, and my head felt light as if it was no longer attached to my neck. It was that terrible panic moment where it felt like gravity was working extra hard to hold me down, and at the same time, my body was fighting extra hard against it, so hard that the two forces, working against each other, might just tear me in half. The explosion of anxiety had started the moment I heard and felt that truck come around the corner.
I was relieved to reach the bus stop. There was a bench with a cover over it. An older woman with dark gray hair pulled back by a silver hair clip was sitting on the bench holding three stunning pale-yellow roses. Each soft petal was edged in cherry red. A beautifully knitted bag sat next to her on the bench.
She pulled it closer to her and patted the empty space on the bench. "Have a seat. You look as if you could do with a rest."
I offered her a faint smile and took a seat. "That's a beautiful bag, by the way."
She patted it. Her fingers had a slight tremble, and her hands were spotted with age. "Thank you. I knitted it myself, back when these fingers … and eyes"—she pointed to her pearl-framed glasses—"were still cooperating. Now it takes me all day to knit three rows and then I usually end up pulling it all out to start again. My knitting basket is filled with curly, tangled pieces of yarn. Looks like a basket of colorful spaghetti." There was something comforting about her apple-cheeked grin and the way she spoke, sweet but with a nice edge of humor. The short chat had already eased the sickening anxiety that had gripped me. She reached into her bag, fished around for a second and pulled out a tiny tin of mints. "Would you like one? I find that my throat is always dry at this time of year."
"Thank you." I held out my palm, and she dropped a few mints on it. My throat was dry too, only it was from anxiety and seeing my wretched husband and not the brisk fall air.
"I can smell the perfume from those roses all the way over here," I noted.
She held them up for me to take a deeper whiff.
"Really nice. I've never seen that color before."
"They're called Double Delight. My daughter's favorite. I visit her most mornings, when my arthritis isn't giving me the runaround and when the sun is shining." She squinted up to the blue sky. "Best time of year, even if it does dry my throat."
A bus came around the corner. It was the one I'd been waiting for. I was almost sorry to see it. I was late now no matter what, but I was enjoying the conversation. It was way more effective than the dozens of meditation techniques I'd tried for anxiety.
"Well, here's my bus. I'm Annie, by the way." She held out a shaky hand. It was warm and soft as I took it.
"I'm Shay, and this is my bus too."
"Wonderful, then we can sit together. I must warn you that there'll be a group of youngsters on there this morning. They take the city bus to their school, and they are a bunch of stinkers. I retired two years ago from the school cafeteria. I worked well past the usual retirement age, but I loved it and it kept me busy."
We stood up from the bench and walked to the curb. The bus door opened with a hiss. I'd purchased a bus pass when we first moved in because I knew Tate would use my car whenever he was in town. I much preferred public transportation to sitting in a car with him.
Annie hadn't exaggerated about the "stinkers" on the bus. Boys mostly and at that annoying early teen age. They were talking over themselves when we boarded. They took up the rear few rows of the bus, and three of them stood up to whistle at me as I walked down the aisle. They hadn't seen Annie behind me.
She looked past me. "Sit down, Kyle, Robbie and Evan, or I'll let your moms know how you're behaving." That sent them right back down to their seats. A few of the other passengers applauded Annie.
"How many stops are you going?" Annie asked.
"I'm getting off at Greenwich Street," I said.
"I'm off two stops earlier, so I'll sit on the aisle if that's all right."
"Of course." I scooted in and sat down.
Annie released a loud sigh as her bottom hit the seat. "Didn't used to sigh like that. I sound just like that bus door when it opens and shuts." Right on cue, the bus doors shut with a loud sigh, and the two of us settled back for the ride.
Annie pointed to the gold band on my finger. "How long have you been married?"
Too long was the answer that popped into my head. "Uh, four years, I think."
Annie looked over at me. "Oh dear," she said quietly and then patted my hand. She didn't ask anything else about my marriage. I hadn't meant for my answer to be so telling but then it was a genuine response. I'd tried hard to dash all memories of my dreadful little wedding and the months that had followed out of my head. I was living half a life and the other half was cold and harsh and weighed down by a dark shadow, the man I once thought I loved.
Annie entertained me with stories of her childhood growing up on a wheat farm in the Midwest. I could have listened to her all day. Her stop came much sooner than I wanted. Annie pulled her bag onto her shoulder and kept a tight grip on the roses. "Take care, Shay, and I hope we meet again."
I smiled up at her. "Your daughter is very lucky."
She winked at me and then shuffled down the aisle. Fortunately, the boys had gotten off on the stop before because something told me they were only behaving because Annie was on the bus. My stop came just a few blocks later. The remnants of my earlier anxiety were sitting quietly in the corner of my mind waiting for something to come along, dust them off and send them fluttering through my whole body again, but for now, I was feeling all right and ready to start my day. I hoped Colt wouldn't be too angry. He seemed like a reasonable man. Of course, what did I know? I'd married the most unreasonable man on the planet.
I hurried to the construction site and realized halfway there that I'd never packed a lunch. I so badly wanted to leave the house once Tate arrived, I'd forgotten all about it. Colt was sitting at his desk when I got inside. He didn't look angry but definitely disappointed.
"I'm so sorry, Colt. My husband got home from the road this morning, and he was having problems with his truck, so he needed to use my car for the day. I had to take the bus. I won't let it happen again."
