Page 83 of You, Me, and Forever

“If I had a heart to give you, I would give you mine.” He ran his fingers over my cheek.

“You do. You’re the only one who doesn’t know it.”

“So does this mean I’m forgiven?”

“You’re forgiven. I won’t ever be mad at you for being honest with me. But what you said the other night was bitter and jaded. And I understand why you feel the way you do, but it’s important to me that you know who I am. I’m not someone who would be doing what I’m doing if I didn’t believe in it.”

“I know. And I’ve been miserable these last two nights without you.”

I sighed. “I have too. But it’s been a reminder of what’s to come. You’re leaving, Myles. We probably won’t even talk once you’re gone. You’ll go back to world domination, and I’ll be here living my best life.” I forced a smile, because the reality of it all was sad.

“What if I come in town and see you every few months? Or you could come visit me in New York sometime. You did put it on your vision board, so you must not hate it.” He smiled.

I shook my head. “I can’t see you a couple times a year. I can’t be a part-time girlfriend to you. I couldn’t stand the thought of sharing you. I know myself too well. And there are things that I want in this life that you can’t give me. And that’s okay. I respect your choices, but I respect mine too. So I can’t be halfway in with you.” Another tear ran down my cheek. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, right here. Right now. But what was the point? That would probably scare the hell out of him. He’d feel guilty that he couldn’t say it back.

“Fuck. How did this get so complicated?” he asked.

“Who’d have thought that night we met that it would turn into so much more? You’ve become my best friend, Myles. And you annoy thehell out of me most of the time, but I’m sad when you’re not around. And that scares me because you’re leaving in a few days.”

“I’ve never known a woman like you.” He shrugged. “I didn’t expect that. I didn’t expect to feel all of these things, and it’s fucking with my head.”

I placed a hand on each side of his face. “I wouldn’t change it, you know?”

“What do you mean?”

“If I’d known that night we met that it was going to feel like this—that I was going to completely fall for the arrogant, broody guy at the bar, and that he’d leave a few months later, and it would hurt like hell—I’d still do it. Because you’re worth it.”

He squeezed his eyes closed and found my hand and brought it to his lips. “So what does this mean?”

“It means that my gut tells me we should call this done right now. But my heart wants these last few days with you. So, which one should I listen to?”

His eyes were pleading. “Please give me these last few days, Montana. And if when I leave, you ask me to leave you alone, I’ll respect it. If you can’t have me in your life part time, I’ll fucking respect it. But it’ll kill me. Because I’ll want to know how you’re doing. I’ll want to know that you’re okay.”

“I’ll always be okay, Myles. I’m tougher than I look. I deal diamonds for a living, after all. Those imports and exports are very challenging.”

“All the ports,” he whispered. “Tell me what to do. If you want me to leave, I’ll leave.”

“Let’s enjoy these last few days, and then we’ll agree to part ways. Because I won’t move on if you’re checking in on me every few weeks. I’m not built that way. I-I-I just feel too much, you know? And I’m trying, Myles, I’m trying really hard to keep things light. I need you to understand that when you leave, I can’t do halfway with you. So, let’s call this ... ‘You, me, and right now.’”

“‘You, me, and right now.’” He nodded. “Yeah. I like the sound of that.”

“Thank you for taking the time to make that vision board. I know it wasn’t your favorite thing, and I’ll save it and hang it out at the ranch as the reason you swayed me to partner up with you.”

“So you’ll sign the contract?”

I sighed. “If you adjust the payment to what I asked for, I’ll sign the contract.”

“Great. We’re fifty-fifty partners. I’ll have Connor make those changes and send it back to you. Charlie will meet with you and Violet and go over the renovations. There’s a healthy budget, so make it everything you want it to be.”

My heart ached at his words. I knew that this was Myles’s way of showing love. He wanted me to have this, because he loved me in his own way.

He didn’t know how to say it.

How to trust himself with it.

But I felt it every time he looked at me.

Myles St. James loved me. But his fear was too overpowering to let himself go there.

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