Page 52 of The Duke's Goddess

Another strike. Sparks flew. This was one of many commissioned blades she had received in the last two days, so while her marriage prospects looked dim, her future was not all dark.

This was what she wanted. Work. Rewarding work. Work that she could throw herself into and usually enjoy. Some of the commissions had special requests for names or words to be engraved in them. The one she was most looking forward to was the quote, “In chaos, there is opportunity.” It was a paraphrase from The Art of War, her favorite book. Though it was bittersweet to think on it, knowing James’s connection to the book, she still appreciated the sentiment.

Her life was in chaos. The gossip had spread. She had given up on the duke dare. But out of the darkness came opportunity.

Forwarded through Wes’s man of business, Joan had been receiving a number of commissions for blades. It wasn’t clear how they knew of her services, and she was quite sure none of them knew her identity, but that’s how she wanted it. She wanted to be behind the scenes, doing what she loved.

Clang!

The sound reverberated through her ears. What normally brought her a sense of purpose and accomplishment was decidedly lacking today.

She felt hollow. Perhaps more fitting, she felt like the knife, being struck over and over again. And she couldn’t help wondering what shape she was taking from all the blows life’s hammer walloped her with.

“Joan.” Her name echoed in the small room. When she looked up, she saw Mimi and Nobi standing in front of her, a look of concern in each of their eyes.

Mimi spoke first. “You’ve been in here for two days. Do you want to talk?”

Clang!

“No.”

Clang!

“Joan,” Nobi said softly. “Understandably, you’re under a significant amount of pressure. Please talk to us.”

Clang!

“There’s nothing to talk about.” She forced the words out. No part of her wanted to discuss everything that was going on. Her emotions were unfocused. Her impulses were out of control. She didn’t want to say something she would regret.

Clang!

“If you’re not going to talk to us, will you talk to James?” Mimi’s voice boomed over all the other sounds in the small space, and at the mention of James’s name, Joan stilled.

Was he here? God, he couldn’t see her like this. Her hair must be atrocious. She was sweating. The devil she would let him see her like this. But if he was here, what did that mean? Did she wanthim to be here? No. It was too painful to think about. Her heart cracked at the decision.

The hammering ceased, she placed the tool on the table. Her hands grasped the edges of her apron. “I don’t want to see him.”

“You don’t have to see him. Just read this. It’s from him.” Mimi extended her hand and held out a missive.

“I-I don’t think I’ll read it.” Joan couldn’t help the stutter in her words. It was all too much to think about him. She had spent the last two days driving out the images of his smirking face, deep resonating laugh, and strong arms with each strike of her hammer. Yet she still saw him clear as day. Dark ruffled hair. Deep ocean eyes. She could still feel his hands on her skin. His kisses on her neck. She wanted him desperately. If only he could want her, too. Love her.

Nobi stepped up, placing a gentle hand on her forearm. “Is it because you don’t want to or because you feel as though you can’t do it?”

“I just can’t do it.” Joan sat on the hard floor, and Mimi and Nobi plopped down with her.

“We’re here for you, Joan. We can read it together if you want,” Nobi’s gentle tones washed over her.

“Why is he writing to me?” her voice cracked. “Doesn’t he understand how difficult this is?”

“Why is it so difficult?” Nobi pressed.

“Isn’t it obvious? The gossip is cruel. It will fade. Of that, I’m sure. But for now, I must go through this darkness. I know I will reach the light. I know I will. It just doesn’t feel very bright right now.”

Nobi rubbed her back and patted her leg. “You are one of the strongest women I know, Joan. You can get through this.”

“I know I can. But then what?”

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Mimi spoke. “You’re getting more and more commissions. The more people see your blades, the more business you’ll secure. Your dreams are unfolding.”

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