Page 49 of The Duke's Goddess

Alas, it was not just her sisters standing there. Flanking them were Countess Linsgate and her daughter, Simone. Both women who could be counted on to spread all shapes and sizes of gossip.

This was not good. This was not even a little all right. This was completely and utterly disastrous.

“I can explain,” Joan rushed to say. But then she stopped, realizing she had no explanation for what their eyes were taking in. LordTamely lay on the ground a few yards away from them, still out cold. And she was canoodling in James’s lap. How could she explain this? She could not.

James’s body had stiffened slightly, but his head was resting against the column and his hand was still brushing along her skin, down her upper arm. She only wished the soft strokes were as soothing as before.

His tone was cavalier when he spoke. “Good news ladies. I have heard from the Earl of Dalhone. Joan and I are to be married.”

Oh no, oh no, oh no. This was even more horrendous than utterly disastrous. She knew what he was doing. He was caught in thissituation, and he was too much of a gentleman to let her ruin herself. He was going to ask her father to marry her. Even though he was speaking in the past tense, obviously he hadn’t already made the request to her father. He was just trying to make it look like less of a scandal than it was.

James gently lifted her off of his lap and rose to stand, offering his hand to her in the process. She stood by his side, hand in hand.

“May I present my betrothed?” James announced to the stunned witnesses.

“What happened to Lord Tamely?” Mimi asked about the now-groaning man. Ostensibly all fivewomen were too shocked to reply directly to the proclamation. James had never been considered an eligible bachelor.

“Ah yes…” James scratched his chin. “He didn’t realize she was already mine. So I made sure he knew.”

Joan’s head was swirling again. She thought she might swoon for a second time. Instead, she gripped James’s forearm, looking for something solid to stabilize herself.She was already his?She knew he was just saying that. It was a story. It was a hefty bounder if there ever was one, yet her heart flipped at the words. And then, just as quickly as it had flipped, it flopped back down. She needed to get a hold of herself. Get this situation under control. Rein in her emotions. Quiet the threats around her.

And if her heart wasn’t thumping so loudly in her chest, and her ears weren’t roaring with sound, she might be able to play along with James’s plan. They could fake an engagement and then call it off later. But her heart…that persistently traitorous organ…it would not be silenced. If this had happened a few days ago, she might have agreed to this plan. But not now. Not after they had schemed together—and successfully, at that. Not after they had kissed. Shared about themselves and their pasts. Not after she had rescued him. And come to think of it, not after he had sacrificed himself and rescued her from the sinking boat. No. Not after all that. It was too much. Her heart was in it. Flip-flipping all over the place. For him.

She wouldn’t take him like this. Forced.

She couldn’t pretend something now. She wouldn’t. Not for him. Not for anyone. Joan was always the one to go along to get along. She never rocked the boat, and she always lived cautiously. Then James had entered her life and taught her that some recklessness added spice to her life, and she was enjoying it. Well, she wanted to live her life for herself. Not as a caged animal, chained to someone for life because of a silly misunderstanding.

She would not accept a pity proposal. Nor would she accede to a life that would lead to a resentful husband. No. Her future was hers alone. Even if she had to live it that way…unmarried. She knew this scandal could cost her a husband, permanently. But she would always have her sisters. She would not yield to this decision.

So she did something that she would have never predicted, knowing how hurtful it would be. She forced herself to produce a small chuckle. It sounded contrived to herself, she could only hope that it sounded real to everyone else. After the chuckle, shetook a step to the side. “He jests.” She swatted his arm for good measure. “He’s a notorious rake. He knows nothing of love. I could never marry him.”

And then, she saw it. She hadn’t meant to catch his eye because she was terrified of what she might find there, but she caught it all the same. A flicker of pain. Disbelief. Anger. But it was a whisper riding atop the wind because then it was gone. Vanished into the night.

And so were any hopes she had of knowing him better. Perhaps knowing him at all.

The loss of that potential future almost broke her. She almost reached out to take his hand and retract her words saying,I’m the one who jests. Of course I’ll marry you.

Her eyes slipped to his chest. Watched his breaths transition from deep to shallow. And when he huffed, it was as if she could see him displacing any honorable notions he had toward her. In their place, he inhaled a new resolve. To accept her decision. To respect her (she hoped). To leave her alone.

And Joan wasn’t even thinking about the scandal that would ensue as Countess Linsgate clicked her tongue and removed her daughter from the terrace, so as not to be sullied. Joan wasn’t preparing herself for the onslaught of gossip that was sure to follow immediately upon her reentering the ballroom.

No.

She was bracing herself for a future in which she would never scheme with James again. Never feel his touch. His light, warm whisper against her ear. Never kiss him again.

But it was for the best.

He didn’t want to marry, and she wouldn’t force him to.

It was for the best. She repeated to herself, this time letting it sink into her mind in hopes of accepting it.

After the mother-daughter duo exited, James turned to her.

“Joan, I understand this is overwhelming to grasp in the moment,” He grabbed the back of his neck and closed his eyes for a long blink. It looked like regret. It looked as though he was trying to erase a memory from his mind. “But I think it’s best that we—”

“I cannot marry you, James.” There. She said it again. It was difficult to push the words through her uncooperative lips and against her conflicting thoughts, but she had to do it. James was willing to rescue her again, sacrifice himself and the future of bachelorhood that he wanted. She wouldn’t allow it. She didn’t need rescuing. She could live this life on her own. And on her own terms. If she was destined to be a blade-wielding spinster, so be it. Perhaps this was the undivided focus she needed to commit to her blade commissions.

She stole a glance at Nobi and Mimi, surprisingly not saying anything, just staring at her. If this decision damned the duke dare, so be it.

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