Page 49 of The Duke's Spinster

But it wasn’t simple jealousy, it was jealousy with a small degree of uncertainty. She didn’t know exactly where Wesley’s affections laid. Yes, he had proposed, but he had never said he loved her. Made a point in fact to point out what their marriage would be like and why it was beneficial to them both. Did she even have a right to be jealous for someone’s nonexistent affections? Or unstated affections?

Jealousy was certainly complicating matters in her mind, so when the guests were dismissed, she made a quick getaway to take some fresh air.

Just before she reached the door, Nobi met her.

“Where are you going?”

“I just need a moment to clear my head with some fresh air.”

“Shall I join you?”

“Thank you, but no. I want to be alone.” She hesitated. It was a fortunate coincidence to run into Zenobia. Of all the sisters, she knew her own feelings best. After all, she had been in love with Christopher forever. “Nobi, how do you know your feelings? How do you know to trust them?”

“There’s no perfect answer to that one unfortunately. You can’t help your feelings. But you can manage them. You can let them control you, or you can control them. I’ve found the best thing for me is to accept a feeling and not fight it. That way it passes through me and runs its course. If it doesn’t pass through, then I have to find out why. Is it meant to stay?” she looked across the room, her eyes immediately finding Chris. “Or am I meant to move on? I still don’t know.”

“How did you know you loved him?”

“It’s impossible to describe. I just…I just want what’s best for him. Even if it’s not me.”

That sounded torturous. How did Zenobia live with such an ache in her heart?

“Don’t worry about me.” A sardonic smile curved her lips. It was genuine and reassuring. “I’m making my plan to snare him, and then I’ll have my answer one way or the other. Worry about yourself right now. I know you’re in the middle of something life-changing, Bodi. Just remember that it’s your life. No one can live it for you. It’s yours to feel. Only yours to live.”

She squeezed Zenobia’s hand.

“I’ll let you go, but if you need to leave, just remember our code word,” she winked as she said it. “We’ll whisk you out of here before anyone’s the wiser.”

With that safeguard in place, she stepped out onto one of the terraces and breathed in the light chill. What a mess she had found herself in. To accept Wesley’s proposal or not…under what conditions…and would he agree to all of them. If he loved—liked—her enough, hopefully he would give his assent. As longas he complied (not really his nature, but so far his way of being with her at least indicated that he was capable of doing so), she could envision a happy future together. She could finally be her full self to the world. Her heart dipped in excitement at the mere thought to be able to help other young girls find a way to be themselves.

Boudicca slid her hands along the balustrade. The night sky was lit by the moon and a few puffs of clouds. It was the perfect space to think with no one—

“I do say you need to catch us up on everything, Wesley.”

Botheration! Multiple male voices that she was not ready for. She stole behind the open terrace door and crushed herself against the exterior wall of the manor, hoping they wouldn’t see her. If perchance they did, she would say she needed fresh air…and…had stopped to smell…the—erm…wisteria. Obviously, she prayed it would not come to that.

She could hear everything the men were saying. Even the thud of a hand smacking Wesley on the back.

“What a crush,” someone said.

“Yes. I saw you both danced with Lady Boudicca,” another said.

“Yes, about that, Samuel…” Wesley started to say.

“Yes about that. What’s going on with Lady Boudicca?” A voice asked.

“Precisely my thoughts indeed. It seems like you’re taking it all quite seriously.” That sounded like Samuel, but she couldn’t be sure. She had only danced a short time with him.

“It is serious.”

The men laughed.

“Trust you to be so grave about love.”

“It’s marriage,” Wesley clarified. And the clarity was a shard of glass in her heart. If he was only saying that to save face withhis male companions, it was still a cut, but not so deep. But she didn’t perceive him as the type to kowtow to his friends.

“It’s a proposal.” The maybe-Samuel voice said. “That’s what the bet was. Bump into her. Court her. Propose.”

Bet?

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