His seafoam green eyes made her catch her breath even now. She couldn’t answer his questions without taking a pause to think through her thoughts to ensure actual words would tumble out of her lips. And why hadn’t he been wearing a hat? No, of course he wouldn’t have been. He had to show off his coffee-colored locks. Locks that she wanted to traverse with her fingers. She had to dislodge him from her thoughts. He was a one time thing. And a one time thing was better than a no time thing. Wasn’t it? It had to be. She wouldn’t regret it.
As she traipsed through the snow, the flurries were growing thicker. She didn’t take notice of the weather though.
Mini flashbacks pelted her mind to distraction.
Her gruff ex-husband pushing their dog out of his way, treating the innocent animal unkindly. He wasn’t a mean or abusive man, but he was by no means gentle. She had married him for security. Being single, with no family, she had needed a man to provide for her in ways she couldn’t. For the most part, it was the perfect marriage of convenience, as the upper class would refer to it. They took care of each other. But he had certainly never been gentle, with her, or anyone. Even now his stony coal eyes caused her to cringe.
And then another flashback shot through her thoughts.
She had seen Andrew earlier on her walk, just as she said. He had been playing with his dog. Perhaps because he thought he was unobserved, or perhaps because that was just who he was, he had let the dog lick his face. And then he had patted Dodger, rewarding his affection.
Another flashback.
Her mother telling her that men only want one thing from a woman. Sit back and take it. Get your babies, and then have your family. That’s what she had done with Harry. She didn’t know of another way to do marriage.
And then another flashback.
A separate time, her mother telling her that if she were to ever find a good man, there were only three tests: how he treated animals, how he treated children, and how he treated his own mother, or elderly women.
Rose had seen nothing of that in Harry, but she hadn’t been looking to test him. She needed her security. A livelihood. And he had a job. He had a house. There were no negative rumors about him. And the marriage had been good. Enough.
One more flashback wiggled its way into her thoughts. The most recent working memory.
Dancing with Andrew. Whatever had possessed her to flirt with a duke? She knew he had to be a duke, what with his clothing and comportment. It was obvious, wasn’t it?
The dog had been irresistible though. She had to tease Andrew about him a little bit. And Andrew had been so kind, gentle, and affectionate with such a helpless pup. She knew in her heart that he had to be a good person. Not the person for her, of course. A duke and a nanny was a laughable pairing at best. At worst, it was a raging scandal with little chance for social acceptance.
It was no mean feat for anyone to secure a dance with a duke, though. How many women could say they had done so? Not many. And now, not even her. Who could she tell? Perhaps her friend, Adeline. She was the duchess’s lady’s maid. Though Adeline had been unusually absent this house party. Perhaps she could tell Margaret then. Would Margaret understand though? There was no way to know without telling her. But what a risk. If she told her, and Margaret didn’t respond well, that could affect her job. Which she needed.
So what harm was one dance?
No one saw. No one need ever know. It would just be something she could keep in her heart forever. A secret. Another one. Just like her pen name.
But how many secrets could one woman keep? Not little secrets either. Big secrets. Life-changing, scandal-inducing secrets.
Rose stopped to catch her breath. When she leaned back against a tree, she noticed the sky was growing dark and the snow was so thick that it was threading down from the clouds. She could hardly see a few feet in front of her.
How could she have been so foolish? How had she not noticed the weather? The time of day? All thought had been lost in the gentle arms of Andrew.
There were no structures or memorable landmarks in sight. Nothing. Only snow clad trees. How would she get back to the house?
Out of growing desperation, she thought only to find Andrew and Dodger. In two isolated moments and one secluded waltz, Andrew found a small corner of her heart that she hadn’t known was still open. He stood there, in his snow-smoothed box, with dignity, vulnerability, and tenderness. Something she had never experienced from a man. Something she had never known she could have. Something she had never known she wanted.
Why had she left after only one dance? If one unobserved dance was harmless, surely two of the same would be as well. She felt foolish for too many reasons. She should have stayed. Or never gone outside at all. That was the answer. But it was too late for that.
Now she was lost in the snow, with no vision, and a slim hope of returning to the house before dark. She didn’t even know if she had headed in the right direction when she left Andrew. She had been too muddled to think straight.
She had to find him. He couldn’t be far away.
Rose’s legs were shaking as she broke into a run, calling, “Andrew!” But the snow on the ground was too thick. She couldn’t lift her legs freely.
And the flurries in the air were blurring. She certainly didn’t see the giant rock. She tripped on the hem of her jacket and tumbled down.
Before her world turned black, her last thought was of how cool the snow felt against her face.
Chapter 5
MOTIONLESS,ANDREWSTOODTROUNCEDin thought as the snow threaded down around him. How she had left him in this spot, he had no idea. The moment with her should have lasted forever. Or perhaps longer. The single encounter had pushed him off balance. He was struggling to remember his purpose in coming out in the snow, for the only purpose he could determine was fate. Fate to meet her. Fate to feel her.