Page 95 of Forget Me Not

With her eyes still closed, she said, “I was cold.” Her words were emerging more slowly. She was drifting back to sleep.

“I’ll leave you in peace, Julia.”

“You’re leaving?”

His heart cracked to hear her ask him that yet again. Would they ever reach a point where she didn’t live in constant fear of him abandoning her? “Do you want me to stay with you?”

“I want you to want to stay with me,” she whispered.

He took her hand in his and lay down beside her, adjusting her blanket so her shoulders were covered. “I want that more than I even realized.”

***

Julia awoke in the afternoon fully expecting to see Lucas beside her, though she couldn’t account for her conviction on that score. She was alone in her room, just as she’d been for more than a week. Even knowing her hope at seeing him was an empty one, her heart dropped at not finding him at her side.

She pulled herself from bed, then crossed to her window. Through a gap in the curtains, she looked out at the distant trees she knew hid the Trent from view. How many afternoons just like this one had she spent there, with him, joyful and filled with hope?

Father had been kind to her since her return. He’d not demanded she leave her room or go to Lampton Park to reconcile with Lucas. He had told her that Digby had left for his estate and that Lucas was now at Lampton Park. Father hadn’t pressed her on the matter of her estranged marriage.

She’d permitted herself more than a week of isolation. It was time she faced her grief and found a means of living again.

Her afternoon meal arrived on a tray just as her former lady’s maid stepped into the room to dress her and see to her coiffure.

“I would like to attend evensong tonight,” Julia told her. “But I do not want my hair powdered.”

Jane dipped her head. “Yes, my lady.”

There was no argument, no pressure to conform to her father’s preferred fashions. Julia began to breathe more easily. She had returned to Farland Meadows resolved to live as her father’s overlooked daughter. Her reception was proving better than that.

She joined her father a few minutes before he meant to depart for the chapel.

“Julia.” He held his hands out to her.

She crossed to him and lost herself a moment in his reassuring embrace. “Would you mind terribly if I went with you to evensong tonight?”

“I would be honored to have you with me, my girl. And Lady Lampton will be a featured singer this evening. We will both enjoy that.”

Lady Lampton sang with the voice of an angel. “I will enjoy that immensely.”

Her nervousness upon entering the chapel, however, threatened to undermine her enjoyment. That upendedness only increased as Father led her to the Jonquil family pew instead of their own. He and Lord Lampton managed to shuffle their positions until she was the one sitting beside Lucas. She couldn’t object without causing a scene.

She braced herself against the inevitable insistence that she return to Brier Hill or complaints about the inconvenience she had caused. But Lucas didn’t say a word. He simply smiled, then set a sprig of blue flowers on her lap before turning his attention to the choir.

She sat all but frozen as the music began. Her heart tugged in so many directions at once. The part of her that loved him—that no doubt always would—latched on to his offering: forget-me-nots. Surely there was some significance in that choice of flower. But the wiser part of her knew she hadn’t yet the strength to endure more heartache, and she told herself not to hope for too much.

She needed to guard herself until she was safe again.

As the evening wore on, much of her anxiety faded, however temporarily. The music was soothing, and Lucas’s quiet companionship set her mind a little at ease. He didn’t mean to press her on the matter of their estranged connection. He meant to give her an evening of music and peace.

After several pieces, Lucas leaned closer to her and whispered, “This next offering is Mother’s.”

“What will she be singing?” Julia asked, equally as quiet.

“‘God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen.’”

A smile spread across her face. “We are fortunate the Gents aren’t here. They would likely think the song was about them.”

Lucas only just managed to hold back what appeared to be a burst of laughter. To his father’s look of censure, he said, “It’s Julia’s fault.”

---