Page 86 of Forget Me Not

Julia’s heart went out to the little boy. Being left behind was a difficult thing, especially with the additional burden of wondering why the one leaving didn’t want to be with him, why he was not loved and valued enough to warrant notice and time and consideration. She knew that far too well. Her father had rid himself of her, and she felt the sting of that still. Lucas was leaving again, and he didn’t love or value her enough to even tell her he was going or how long he would be gone or if he meant to come back to their home before embarking on another journey without her.

The nursemaid noticed her there and popped to her feet with both poise and surprise.

“Please,” Julia said, “continue with your game. I had not intended to interrupt.”

Little Lord Falstone hopped to the ground and offered a very proper bow. He gave the impression of one much older and perhaps a bit too wise for his age. “Lady Jonquil.”

“You remembered.” She was impressed; he must have greeted dozens of people the night before.

“I remembered your hair.” Some of his formality slipped away, and a look of very childlike curiosity filled his expression. “I’ve never seen anyone with hair like yours. I don’t know what color to call it.”

“I will let you in on a little secret, Lord Falstone,” she said. “I don’t know what color to call it either.”

The smallest of bashful smiles tugged at his little mouth. “It is pretty, Lady Jonquil.”

What a sweet compliment. Such a dear-hearted boy would be quite in demand as he grew. How easily she could imagine him forming fast friendships and winning hearts. Society, though, could be unkind to those it viewed as falling too far from perfection. She only hoped they were willing to see past the scars marring his face to the good heart he’d offered her a glimpse of.

“I do not live terribly far from here,” she said. “I suspect you and I will come to be friends, Lord Falstone.”

His smile blossomed, lovely and adorable even in its misshapen state. “I would like that. And Mother would enjoy callers. She likes to see people, but not many people come to the castle.”

Julia managed a smile, not wishing her heavy mind to leave an impression of displeasure with Lord Falstone. “I look forward to seeing you and your family in the future.” She hoped, for his sake, his family found a solution to their difficulties.

A bow and curtsy were exchanged. Lord Falstone climbed back onto his chair and bent over his backgammon board. His nursemaid watched her. Servants were meant to remain unobtrusive whilst their employers had company. Julia offered a dip of her head and slipped from the room.

The grand entryway was empty. The footmen, she suspected, were preparing multiple traveling carriages for the departing guests. Julia appreciated the privacy.

She lowered herself onto a chair. Lucas had said he would hold her and comfort her whenever she needed him to; he had promised. But he had also told their hosts that he was truly happy only when he was traveling. He had told their hostess about his upcoming journey to Portugal, something he hadn’t yet shared with Julia. He’d every intention of leaving, had already decided the when and the where of his next departure, and hadn’t felt the least need to even mention it to her. And he’d made her a promise on that score as well: not to leave without informing her.

Sitting there, pondering yet another man in her life making decisions that impacted her without the least effort to involve her in those decisions, Julia felt years of loneliness return with painful clarity. She’d lived this too many times to not know how it would play out. Lucas would be kind and thoughtful when they were together. He’d likely kiss her again, as he had a few times, kisses that still sent tingles throughout her body when she thought of them. He would give her every reason to hope that he cared for her, perhaps would even begin to love her in some small way. But in the end, when traveling and journeying and adventure were on the horizon, she would once again be an afterthought.

How do I move forward?

She would miss him when he was away, yes, but she didn’t expect him to never be gone. But he hadn’t spoken of it, hadn’t asked her thoughts or feelings. How could they build a life together if she was still being left out of so much of his?

“Our Julia.” Digby’s cheerful and gallant voice echoed gracefully off the stone walls.

“Good morning, Mr. Layton.”

His gaze narrowed on her. “Is something amiss? I have not been ‘Mr. Layton’ to you for some time now.”

She offered a quick smile. “I am merely a little sleepy.”

“I believe we should combine forces and punish Aldric for deciding an early start was wise the morning after such a grand ball as we experienced last night.” Digby rolled his eyes, an affectation Julia found entertaining. “Being awake at such an unholy hour is a form of torture I ought not be made to endure.”

She nodded emphatically. “You will notice the General is not even here yet. Perhaps he has played a dastardly trick on the two of us and does not mean to rise until well past noon. And as we are the only ones who seem to have fallen victim to his ruse, the others must have been part of the strategy all along.”

“We should desert them and begin our journey alone.”

That brought to mind a different journey. “I have heard vague mentions that the Gents have planned a trip soon. To Portugal, I believe. Is this a common undertaking?”

“We have traversed the kingdom and a good amount of the Continent together—at times all six of us, sometimes only a portion of the group. There is no place too distant for us to make every effort reaching it if the others ask it.”

For the first time since she’d met him, Digby’s façade of charming arrogance allowed something else to peek through. Real affection for his friends appeared unmistakably in his eyes. “We are like brothers, family in a way that goes beyond blood and surnames. I don’t know what any of us would do without the others in our lives.”

Family. It was little wonder Lucas hadn’t felt the pull back to Nottinghamshire these past years. She longed for him, a friend who was more like family, but he had that connection elsewhere. And, it seemed, his connection to the Gents was stronger than his connection to her even now.

“When are you making this trip to Portugal?” she asked.

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