Page 45 of Forget Me Not

Except he likely understood derivatives. Some of the intricacies were proving elusive. What she wouldn’t have given to have had even a portion of the education gentlemen were afforded. With access to professors and deans and tutors, she wouldn’t struggle so much every time she came upon a new and complicated concept.

“I’ll manage it eventually.” She always did.

Her difficulty likely arose from having spent that morning bent over the household ledgers and receiving reports and information from Mrs. Parks. Julia was well prepared to understand such things—a lady’s education always included household accounts and interactions with servants—but the effort required to maintain the aura of a confident and authoritative lady of the manor when she felt like anything but had proven a little exhausting.

And Mrs. Parks was so confusing. Lucas insisted she was fond of him and that her gruffness ought not to make her seem formidable, but Julia didn’t know how else to view it.

I am afraid of my own housekeeper.How very pathetic it all was.

She looked toward the door at the sound of footsteps. “Mr. Barrington.” She was genuinely pleased to see him. Unlike every other person currently at Brier Hill, he didn’t make her uncomfortable.

“Forgive the interruption, Lady Jonquil.” He offered a quick dip of his head. “I have come in search of a book.”

“A particular book?” She glanced at the shelves. “I am not yet familiar enough with the book room to locate anything specific.”

He shook his head. “Any book will suffice. Our friend Lucas has received a couple of letters and is busy reading, an activity that will, no doubt, be soon followed by writing responses. I’m looking for something to pass the time.”

She set her pencil down and pushed her book a little bit away on the desk. “Lucas seems to receive a lot of letters.”

Mr. Barrington crossed to the bookshelves, speaking to her as he searched. “His mother is a very faithful correspondent. However, I believe the bulk of his letters come from the Gents.”

“Then why did you not receive letters as well? You are one of them, are you not?”

“I am.” He looked over at her. “I suspect I will return to Livingsley Hall and be required to climb a mountain of letters. How fortunate that Lucas has taught me the finer points of mountaineering.”

“Then you haven’t been home yet?” That surprised her.

“I haven’t.” Mr. Barrington pulled a book off a shelf and began flipping through it.

“Even after an entire year in Europe, you still want to spend time with Lucas?”

He smiled briefly and sat at the table across from her. “He’s one of my closest friends. But I didn’t delay my return home because I’m fond of him.”

“Why, then?”

He set his book down and met her eyes. “Because I’m worried about him.”

She didn’t really need an explanation. “This marriage.”

Mr. Barrington nodded. “He makes every effort to seem perfectly happy and optimistic in this unexpected circumstance, but I spent a year with the gentleman. I know him too well to be fooled.”

Julia sighed. “He grew frustrated with me not long after we arrived at Brier Hill because I admitted I wasn’t happy. I don’t see how hiding the truth of our situation is going to make it any better, but he seems determined to do just that.”

“Lucas always was the court jester in our group of friends,” Mr. Barrington said. “Quick with a grin and joke, ceaselessly jovial, appearing entirely sure of himself, even arrogant at times, though I doubt he realizes he gives that impression. The mask cracked a few times on the Continent. It very nearly did in Nottinghamshire as well. Which is why I’m here.”

“Because he is completely miserable?”

Mr. Barrington shook his head. “His façade doesn’t slip when he’s unhappy. It slips when he’s afraid.”

“Afraid?” That didn’t seem likely. “Why would he beafraidof this marriage?”

“Not the marriage. You.”

That declaration hit her like a gust of icy wind. “Me? He is nearly a foot taller than I am and likely has four stone on me. He’s older, with more experience of the world. As a man, he has absolute legal control of me—where I live, what I do. Of the two of us, he is not the one with the most reason to worry.”

“Precisely,” Mr. Barrington said. “That contradiction is why I am worried about him.”

The nervous pounding in her heart all but forced words from her that she’d never intended to speak out loud, arguments she’d first heard Lucas make but which were more and more often filling her thoughts in her own voice. “Marrying me has ruined his life. I’ve tried to ignore that, but I know it’s true. He is a future earl. The Lampton title is an old and respected one. The Jonquil family coffers are deep and stable. He is personable and social, handsome and amiable. He could, quite literally, have had his pick of any number of important and preferable ladies in Society. My options were so limited they were very nearly nonexistent. This marriage was a comedown for him. Perhaps what you are interpreting as fear is actually resentment.”

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