Page 31 of Dionysus
I glanced straight ahead at the Cove city lights. Keith and I had come up to the hills that overlooked the city. It was a nice escape from everyone and everything, but I didn’t expect to have a conversation about someone I loved who was dead.
“He was a great guy. My friend, my savior,” I told him.
“But was he yo nigga?”
I wished. “No, and I don’t want to talk about him. So, change the subject.”
Keith tossed his hands up. “My bad. Look, I’m only asking because I want to take you out. Like on some real shit.”
I wasn’t surprised he wanted to take me out, but knowing the circumstances, I didn’t think it was a good idea. “Bishop and Chevy. We can’t.”
“We can. That has nothing to do with us. I fuck with you Samara you’re different and a nigga want to,” he paused. “What do you girls call it. Court you.” He laughed.
I wanted to talk to Chevy about it first. I knew how he felt about Bishop, and knowing I would be dating someone on the other side of the fence seemed dangerous without his blessing. Keith placed his hand on my leg, “Can I?”
I moved his hand, “Let me think about it. What about Bishop? How do you think he will handle what Chevy did to his place?”
“Bishop got some shit up his sleeve. Listen, I don’t want to talk about him. To be honest I’m going to always protect Bop, him and Bleek looked out for a nigga.”
“Well, I’m going to protect Chevy because he did the same for me,” I snapped.
I wanted to tell Keith that one of the people he knew had set Chevy’s business on fire. When we got in that car, I wanted to scream you did this shit, but the look he gave me put fear in me. Knowing Keith was standing beside Bishop and his people, I didn’t think it was a good idea. I wasn’t sure where all this was headed, but I knew when Chevy got back, things would get ugly and fast. From what had already taken place, even if Chevy knew who did it, he had already crossed the line, and there was no coming back from it without an all-out war.
I leaned back on the car’s window, glancing at the stars. My mind began traveling to a place of peace. I let out a sharp breath before closing my eyes.Dionysus, I wish you were here. I wish this were you and me. I will always have a special place for you in my heart. Amen.
When I opened my eyes, a shooting star whipped across the sky.Had Dio heard me?Before I could lift up to enjoy it, Keithused his finger to turn my face toward his and kissed me. His kisses were soft, and the way he kissed me was so gentle that it sparked something in me. I kissed him back. It wasn’t the same feeling as Dio’s, but it wasn’t bad.
This had to be a sign, right? Instead of ruining the night by doing what I was so good at; which was running. I embraced Keith’s affection and for the first time I didn’t feel guilty.
ZEUS
We were all chilling at Dio’s condo when the urge to see him struck me. I had been avoiding visiting Dio again since the night I saw him lying there like that. It destroyed me. To know all the things I know now hurts even more. I knew it was time for me to do the unthinkable, and I didn’t want any of the guys to be there when I made the decision.
I picked up my keys to my bike and headed for the door. “Nigga where you going?” I heard Preach ask.
I knew the guys were only trying to ensure I was good, but I needed to be alone this time without them. “To get some fresh air,” I lied.
“You need us to ride with you?” Diamond asked.
I cleared my throat. “Nah, I’m good,” I said before walking out the door.
When I got downstairs, I slid my helmet on, hopped on my bike, and took off. I turned on some music to put my mind atease. As I rode through the streets, every interaction, good and bad, of Dio and me played in my head. From every time I had walked into that house to take him away from the arguing, to catching him ditching school for the first time, to seeing him distraught in Z’s bathroom and the look on his face when I caught him talking to himself.
A tear fell for every memory of my brother. The thought of his final breath crossed my mind. It hurt. It hurt so bad that I felt his pain. I could feel the sting in my chest just as he did. I pictured Dio lying on the club floor sucking in every single breath he could get. His eyes rested on the ceiling as his mind begged for mercy. He had probably called out my name, praying I would show up. It killed me Inside to know someone else decided his fate and that alone was something I would never forget.
I couldn’t even blame my cousin because it wasn’t his job to deal with it in the first place. It’s why I never called when I touched down. This had all been my fault. There was no finger pointing, no one to blame, because I knew how Dio was, and he should never have been here from the start.
I saw the sign of a mental breakdown and I ignored it. The fear of him turning out like our mother had scared me. It was something I didn’t want for him, but who was I to determine the outcome?
“You fucked up Zeus!” I yelled at myself.
I wanted Dio to be proud of me, but this version of myself was nothing to be proud of. I had arrived at the hospital in no time. The stroll inside was like a death sentence. I was walking the same line as those on death row because what I was about to do was going to kill me inside. To know that my brother’s soul would be left in New York haunted me, and a part of me didn’t want to go back to Toussaint without him. I was willing to give up everything because of those very same things I loved. Mybike, the crew, and Sasha were the things I failed at and owed everyone some peace.
I knew it was after hours and they weren’t letting anyone visit, but I didn’t care. When I got to his floor, I saw the nurse’s eyes looking at me sadly. She knew what I was here to do. The doctor who had been caring for Dio came around the corner. “Mr. Jackson, it’s late and—”
I held my hand up. “I know I just wanted to see him—”
“Coffee!” A man called out behind the doctor.
