Page 83 of Playoff
Shit. It was bad enough that JJ had hurt himself, but to have this whole fiasco in public? I just shook my head and skated to the gate.
“Is this because of your parents? Any more news on them? How is JJ? Were you injured when you fell?”
I ignored them but I knew it was a temporary reprieve. Damn it, I should never have gone out that first night in Toronto.
Chapter 34
Something more than orgasms
Jess
* * *
I hadn’t been able to catch Justin after he ran out of Alek’s condo. I was barefoot and not dressed, so I had to remedy that before I searched for him. He wasn’t at our place, unsurprisingly, and he didn’t answer his phone. He’d turned off location tracking as well, which I should have done.
Damn it, Justin. He had to stop shutting down when something happened. We needed to talk! If there was any way to keep this quiet and make sure it didn’t mess up the team, I wanted to go that route. I didn’t know if there was anything I could do or say to mend our relationship though.
I hadn’t reached out to Cooper or Callie to ask if they’d seen or heard from him. If he walked it off and came back to our place, we could salvage things. I hoped. Messing up the team this close to the playoffs would be unforgivable, and Justin wouldn’t want to do that. Not when he thought it over. I needed to find him. Justify it the best I could, and promise it was over.
Because it was. Knowing Alek, he’d shut down too after I left him. He’d been left too many times. I was on my own.
I’d put on a jacket and shoes and searched the neighborhood around our building but didn’t see my twin. Finally I went back to the condo to wait for him. I fell asleep on the couch, and when I woke up the place was just as empty as before. I checked Justin’s room, but there was no sign that he’d been there.
Where had he gone? I tried to call him again. No answer.
I was pissed at him for cutting me off. I understood that, yeah, he was upset with me, but Grandma had just died. I needed him, and he needed me too. No one understood how much she’d done for us except Justin. Who else could I grieve with, remember with, and prepare to face up to my parents with?
I struggled off the couch and set up the coffeemaker, showering while it brewed. I sat with my phone, ready to make plans. I ignored notifications from our parents until I had an idea what I was doing. When a message popped up on my phone for a plane ticket to Vancouver, I finally relaxed. Justin had arranged that flight, which meant we had five hours together on the way to BC. I could get through to him. We’d have enough privacy to talk, but it was public enough that he couldn’t storm off.
I messaged work, requesting compassionate leave. I still had vacation days as well in case I needed extra time. I packed for both of us and made lists of things I had to do until my ride showed up to take me to the airport. Justin never showed.
Was he so upset he wouldn’t come to BC with me? No, he had to. This was Grandma! But when I checked in, I was traveling alone. I couldn’t refuse the flight—I was needed in BC. Justin must have booked a different airline, or time. Chicken.
I sent him an emoji of a chicken and he didn’t respond to that message either.
I got an acknowledgment back from work. I responded that I needed to be gone for at least a week. I was the executor of Grandma’s will and had to get some things in motion while I was out there. There wasn’t too much; Grandma had arranged everything for her memorial service when she knew her mental powers were slipping. She’d done all she could, facing that bleak future head on, but someone still had to oversee. And that someone was me.
My boss asked if that much time was necessary. What? He mentioned that Mrs. Garvin’s son had moved his account from the firm, which I hadn’t been told. Since this was just my grandparent, not parent, being gone for this long cast doubt on my commitment to the firm.
My fists clenched. I’d been committed there for five years. I had client turnover, since I mostly dealt with older investors who were nearing the end of their lives, but they trusted me. I couldn’t remember a single one of those clients changing investors because they weren’t happy with how I worked for them. The firm might promote a particular investment that promised great returns and commissions, but I put my clients’ needs first. I couldn’t live with myself if all I did was push investments so the firm made money. I really wanted to send back a snippy email, but I made myself close the phone and put it on airplane mode. I could deal with that when I was in a better state of mind.
There was too much time on the plane to think. I let my head drop against the headrest, thoughts whirling in my brain. Grandma. Justin. Mom and Dad. Work. Alek.
I’d had a split second to decide what to do last night, and I’d done what I always did: I took care of Justin. It wasn’t like this thing with Alek was going anywhere. He wasn’t staying in Toronto, and every time we got together we said it was the last time. So, this time was the last time. And that hit hard.
Despite our rationalizing, this had become something more than a casual affair. I wasn’t an idiot. At least not totally. The fact that we never did stop when we said we would was a big clue. But I’d thought that the extra-ness came from the sneaking around, the whole forbidden fruit thing.
But was it? I’d been wanting to talk to Alek since I’d left his condo, desperate to hear from him. But what would I say?
Maybe, if it had been something real, I could have talked to Justin. Explained that despite the family history, and that Alek was his teammate—only for a little while longer—this was something I wanted. Needed. Maybe Justin wouldn’t lock himself away again if I could convince him that Alek and I had something special. But no. The look on my twin’s face? That wasn’t going to happen. And how could I be another person who let Justin down?
Instead, I was another person who let Alek down. Damn it.
Alek would always remind Justin of the worst things he’d been through, and I hated that I’d brought that all up again. As if the Denbrowskis had taken me from him too. He’d lost Mia, college, attention from our parents…all to save the family. I owed him. I knew that. But something had to change.
Part of what was so appealing about the time I spent with Alek was that I didn’t have to be me. Not “Jessica, the responsible one taking care of everyone else.” And that showed me there was a lot about my life I didn’t enjoy.
I wouldn’t leave Justin while he needed me. But I needed some joy in my life beyond my book clubs and the PAC.
