Page 79 of Chasing Xander
“No.” He clasped his hands in front of him so he wouldn’t reach for her. “About two weeks into the semester, I went to my first-ever frat party. She was there, and drinking pretty heavily. She told me she’d had a huge fight with her boyfriend, and they broke up. Then she said she was attracted to me, that she wanted me. An hour later, we were in some random bedroom having sex. I’d asked her over and over if she was sure she wanted to do it. And she kept saying yes. She said she wanted me, kept repeating it over and over.” He paused to take a breath and swallow the bile fighting to get out. “I mean, I knew I was her rebound guy, but I was okay with that. I wasn’t okay with finding out, after the fact, after it was too late, that she was a virgin.”
“Oh.” She cupped her hand over her mouth. “She never told you?”
“No.” He straightened and turned to face her, knowing he couldn’t avoid her gaze any longer. No matter what he saw in her expression, he had to accept it. To his relief, the only thing he could decipher was shock and compassion. “I felt like a complete dick. But I was a coward. I didn’t bring it up that night, and neither did she. A few days later, I found out from a friend of hers that she hadn’t actually broken up with her boyfriend. I tried to apologize to her for how everything had happened, but she wouldn’t even look at me.” He shook his head and glanced away, allowing the familiar guilt to wash over him. “Trisha started telling everyone that I stole her virginity. She didn’t say I’d raped her or anything, but still. The last thing any guy wants is to get a rep for taking advantage of women.
“Eventually, she spoke to me long enough to tell me that I’d ruined her first time. She said her boyfriend had some super romantic night planned for them, and I’d destroyed her life.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “On top of all that, the frat house where it happened…they refused to let me pledge. Said they didn’t wantthatkind of reputation.”
“Oh, Xander. I’m so sorry. What she did to you… It wasn’t fair. She should’ve told you. And she needed to take responsibility for her own actions.” She put her hand on his thigh. “She chose to sleep with you, and just because she regretted it after the fact doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It wasn’t your fault.”
He nodded. “After that, I swore I’d never get involved with another virgin. I avoided relationships like the plague.” He put his hand over hers and gave it a squeeze. “So, when you told me you were a virgin, I panicked. I couldn’t stand the thought of doing anything to make you hate me the way Trisha did. I wouldn’t ruin your first time like I did hers.”
“I think you’re forgetting one very important thing.”
“What’s that?”
She swung her leg over his lap and straddled him, her hands resting on his shoulders. “I’m not Trisha,” she whispered. “I would never do what she did.”
He slid his hand along the side of her neck and brought her mouth to his, hesitant at first, still fearful she might push him away. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she sighed softly. He would never tire of hearing that sound, and he knew if he didn’t get past his hang-up and claim her, someone else would. His tongue parted her lips, sliding into her mouth like he owned it, twisting and turning around hers. This kiss was nothing like the one he’d given her earlier. This one was much softer. Less frantic and more passionate.
He could drown in the sweetness of this kiss. He nipped at her bottom lip, sucking it erotically before reclaiming her lips. She pushed closer to him and gently scraped her fingernails along the nape of his neck and into his hair. Shivers spiked through him, zapping his nerve endings, giving him new life. He groaned in response before pulling away.
He took her face into his hands, his thumb rubbing along her lips. “That was how I wanted our first kiss to be.”
“Me, too.” She smiled, resting her forehead on his. “So, what happens now?”
“I don’t know.” He ran his hands up her thighs, then back down. “I won’t lie. I’m scared. What if we do have sex and you don’t like it? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if we do this and you decide it was a mistake.” He laced his fingers behind her back and yanked her closer. “I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to lose your friendship, and I sure as hell don’t want to be some guy who took your virginity, some guy who you look back on and label a mistake.”
She momentarily closed her eyes. “I won’t.” She shook her head. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. I want you, Xander. Nothing about this feels like a mistake. You won’t ever be a mistake. But if things don’t work out, then I can say my first time was with someone I truly cared about.”
“You really mean that?” He studied her, letting the truth of her words settle over him. She’d never lied to him, and he had no reason to believe she was now.
“Yes.” She nodded.
“Good.” He tightened his hold on her. But he still wasn’t going to rush things. He was going to work up to sex, let them get to know each other’s bodies, and give her time to change her mind—if that’s what she wanted. Her emotions were raw right now, having just lost her grandmother. He could wait. Because when it finally did happen, he wanted to be sure she had no doubts. And no regrets.
She shifted on his lap, and his cock twitched with need. Grasping her waist, he inched her forward, and she bore down on him, his erection snug between her thighs. “Can I ask you something?” she said.
His gaze dropped and focused on where their clothed bodies met. Her yoga pants, stretched to accommodate her position, left little to the imagination, and she wasn’t wearing panties. He flattened his palms on her knees and rubbed his hands up her legs. Now that they’d both come clean about their sexual pasts and there were no lingering secrets between them, he was at peace, content to still take things slow.
“Xander?”
“Hmm?” he said, distracted. His thumbs followed the apex of her thighs, stopping short of actually touching her.
“Have you slept with anyone since we met?”
His head snapped up, eyes wide. “No.” And it had been the longest month and a half of his life. “Have you?” He smirked.
“No.” She laughed.
“So, you’ve really never been touched?”
She shook her head and rolled her hips forward, rubbing against him.
He groaned and moved one hand up to cup the back of her head. He brought her face closer, teasing her lips with his tongue. “I think it’s about time we change that, don’t you?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Her heart beat like an out of control racehorse as she gazed into his dark, lustful eyes. Was this it? Was she finally going to have sex with Xander?
