Page 68 of Chasing Xander
He rested his arms on his parted legs and hung his head. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He met her gaze. “Just the opposite, actually.”
“Then why did you push me away like I have some horrendous disease?” She curled up in the corner of the couch and crossed her arms.
Thankfully, a loud knock saved him from having to answer that. He stood and went to the door. After paying for the food and adding a generous tip, he carried their meals into the kitchen and set them on the counter. Then he returned to the living room and sat on the coffee table, facing Kylie. As much as he didn’t want to answer her question or tell her what had been on his mind earlier, he couldn’t leave things as they were.
“I promise you didn’t do anything wrong, okay? I liked the way you touched me. A lot.” He had the blue balls to prove it, too.
She huffed as if she didn’t believe him.
“I’ve got a lot on my mind. So do you. And I’m just not in a place to—”
“Are you kidding me right now?” Frustration laced her words. She moved to the edge of the couch so they were knee to knee. “Are you seriously sitting there giving me the, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ crap?” Her eyes were as fiery as her tone.
He started to shake his head, but he quickly froze when she spoke again.
“You realize we’re not actually together, right? You’ve made sure of that.”
He flinched at the hurt and confusion in her tone. The last thing he wanted was to upset her any more than she already was.
“So, this attempt to break up with me, or whatever the hell you’re doing right now, doesn’t make any sense.” She stood. “If you don’t want me that way, just say so,” she mumbled.
“Ky, you don’t—”
“Don’t.” She held up her hand to silence him. “Please. I can’t handle hearing why this is such a bad idea.” Her bottom lip trembled, and his heart clenched. Stepping over his foot, she marched into the kitchen.
He sat there, stunned. He’d been ready to tell her that he wanted her but didn’t want to take advantage of her while she was grieving and vulnerable. Why was doing the right thing so fucking hard? She slammed a cabinet door, and he cringed. Well, so much for making things better. Rubbing his hands over his face, he hesitantly walked into the kitchen. She was sitting at the table, food in front of her, along with a glass of ice water. There was a second glass in front of an empty chair. He sat and opened his takeout container.
“Can we talk about this?” he asked after several moments of silence.
“No.”
He sighed and picked at his food, his appetite dwindling with each second that passed. He glanced up at Kylie, but she kept her head down, refusing to acknowledge him.
Abruptly, she stood and put the remainder of her food in the fridge. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.” And then she left the room.
Xander pushed his food away as her footsteps disappeared up the stairs. He couldn’t keep doing this to her. It wasn’t fair. He’d accepted the fact she was a virgin, but could he take the chance that she wouldn’t end up regretting something they did together? He rubbed his stomach in a pathetic attempt to loosen the knot that had formed.
His phone rang, and he reached for his pocket only to remember he’d left it in the living room. He retrieved it and cracked a smile at the name on the screen. “What’s up, Finn?”
“Not me. Yet.” He laughed. “How about you? You pop that cherry?”
“Dude, don’t be a dick.”
“I take it that’s a no.” Finn sighed, and there was a much too long pause before he said, “She’s not Trisha, you know.”
“I know,” he said on a heavy sigh.
“Then what’s the problem? You’re batshit fucking crazy for this girl.”
Xander clenched his teeth. Finn was the least observant person he had ever known, but if Finn could see his true feelings, then surely Kylie could, too.
“It’s not that simple.” Xander went out onto the front porch, needing some fresh air and privacy. Finn couldn’t understand the fear and the doubt, or what was at stake if things with Kylie went bad.
“Have you tried talking to her?”
“She just buried the woman who raised her. Not really the best time to be talking about sex.”
“That’s true, I suppose, but you have to try.”
