Page 110 of Chasing Xander
She snatched his shirt from the floor and threw it at him, then opened the door. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
“Damn it.” He sighed and stepped up to her. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out. I’m sorry.”
She averted her gaze, knowing if she looked into his eyes, she’d lose it and start crying. She was barely keeping the tears at bay as it was.
Without a word, he walked out of her room. She swung the door closed behind him and then flopped down on her bed, burying her face in her pillow. The first tear slipped down her cheek. What the hell just happened? How could he suddenly get so angry with her, so mean? She knew he was stressed out and having trouble dealing with everything. But his words had cut deeply. Did he really not care about her feelings?
Even though he’d said he didn’t mean it, his apology had been hollow. He didn’t even try to make things right. He’d just left without a fight. Why would he do that? Kylie sat up and wiped the tears from her face.
Maybe he was right, though. She was trying to take all the blame for the situation he was in, and that wasn’t fair. He wanted to do the right thing, to fix what he’d messed up, but how could he do that when she wasn’t willing to allow him to take responsibility? She let out a shaky breath, grabbed a tissue from the box on her desk, and blew her nose. The minutes ticked by, and a heaviness settled in her chest.What have I done?
Chapter Thirty-Six
After his fight with Kylie Friday, Xander had spent the night in his room, drinking alone until he passed out. Then he’d spent all day Saturday going over what he’d say during the vote. Kylie had texted him a few times, but he hadn’t responded. Mostly because he was too pissed at himself, and because the things that needed to be said couldn’t be said in a text message. He needed to face her. And he would. Tonight. As soon as the vote was taken and his fate decided.
He sat silently and listened as Brad read a list of academic offenses he had committed. As an added bonus, Brad announced Xander’s GPA from last semester. What an embarrassment. But, that was Brad; he liked to be a prick, gloating about his own accomplishments while tearing down everyone else around him. As far as Xander was concerned, not having to deal with Brad would be the best thing to come out of this whole fiasco.
“And so, my fellow brothers, we must now decide if Xander Collins is worthy of wearing our Greek letters,” Brad said.
Xander rolled his eyes. Would the pompous windbag ever stop droning on? He shifted in his seat, annoyed, agitated, restless. He stretched his legs out in front of him and rubbed his hands over his face. He’d been pulling all-nighters for the past week trying to get caught up and back on track. Lack of sleep burned his eyes. He wanted to get the hell out of this house and go find Kylie.
“Before we vote, though, Xander has the right to plead his case.” Brad turned to him and nodded. “The floor is yours.”
Taking a deep breath, he stood. He looked out at his brothers, able to pinpoint the ones who were in Brad’s pocket. But he could also see the ones who were on his side, his true friends and brothers. Finn smiled and nodded, giving Xander the boost of encouragement he needed.
“Brad’s right. I fucked up last semester. A lot.” He paused, his brows furrowed. Now that he thought about it, every wrong thing he’d done, every bad choice he’d made was somehow tied to this frat. All the partying. All the meaningless sex with random women. All the missed classes and failing grades. All the disagreements with his father regarding his poor choices. His fight with Kylie…
This fraternity had caused him so many problems. Granted, he was equally to blame, but what good would come from fighting to stay here? The parties would continue. The sorority girls would keep showing up, throwing themselves at him. He’d have to keep choosing between parties and classes, studying or girls.
That wasn’t the life he wanted anymore.
He wanted to pass his classes. He wanted to graduate on time. He wanted to spend his free time hanging out with his close friends. He wanted to enjoy the simpler things in life.
He wanted Kylie.
And the longer he held onto the RAT house, the further away all those things would get. Friday night, when he’d been banned from the annual pledge initiation, he thought he’d miss being a part of it, but he hadn’t. He’d been relaxed and happy. It had given him the freedom to be with the most important person in the world. And then he’d gone and fucked that up.
“There is absolutely no excuse for my behavior. I’ve enjoyed being in this fraternity, but not for the reasons I should. I overindulged. I made mistakes. I’ve also made some great friends, had the time of my life, and I’ve learned a lot about myself.” He shrugged. “But I don’t belong here. I never did.” He shook his head. “I came here because I was running from a mistake, and all of you gave me the home I needed. I will always be grateful for that, but c’mon, let’s be honest. This whole thing—the speech, me standing up here blabbing, the vote—it’s pointless. We all know how this is going to end.”
He paused to take a breath. “I’m not going to make you guys vote. That’s not fair to any of you, so…thank you. Thank you for giving me a great three years and some of the best memories of my life.” He turned to Brad. “I’ll see myself out.” With that, he walked out of the house.
“Xander!” Finn chased after him. “What the hell was that? You’re supposed to be pleading your case. Not giving them a big fuck-off.”
“Oh, come on. We both know I’m out. Nothing I say will change that, so why fight it? This fraternity is nothing but one big temptation I don’t need. I’m trying to straighten out, remember?” He laughed.
Finn kicked at the ground. “Things won’t be the same here without you.”
“We won’t stop being friends.”
“You know damn well Brad’s going to put pressure on everyone to cut ties with you. But he can kiss my hairy ass.”
Xander laughed. “Thanks, man. Guess it’s a good thing Brad’s tenure as RAT president will be over soon.”
“True.” He nodded. “So, what now? What’re you going to do?”
“For starters, I’m going to go find Kylie and beg her to forgive me for being a dick. Then I guess I’ll start looking for someplace new to live.”
“Sounds like you got it all figured out.”
