Page 108 of Trusting Tanner
He grinned. “It’s easy.” He held his arms out to his sides and then fell backward, moving his hands from his sides to up over his head while he moved his legs open and closed.
As she stood watching, she could see the form of an angel emerging. “Okay, that’s cool.”
“You try.”
Juliana lay down beside him and mimicked his movements, feeling silly but also carefree. “Wow, this is really pointless, isn’t it?” She turned her head to look at him.
“Maybe, but not everything in life needs to have a purpose.” He rolled onto his side and propped his head in his hand.
Memories of how he lay like that after sex flooded her mind. She drew a deep, shaky breath but refused to look away. “No, I guess not,” she finally said. “How am I supposed to get up without ruining this?”
Tanner flopped over onto his back and folded his hands on his stomach. “Someone should help you get up, and then you have to jump away from it.”
“Sounds complicated.”
“Not really.” He turned to look at her. “I’ll sacrifice mine to help you out of yours if you want.”
She smiled. “Thanks.”
But he didn’t move to get up, and neither did she. The longer she lay there, the warmer she became, and she wasn’t sure if it was because the snow was melting into a pool of warm water as a result of her body heat, or if it was because of the way Tanner looked at her.
“I miss you, Jules,” he whispered, averting his gaze up to the sky. “I wanted you to know that.” He sighed. “I thought it might get easier the more time passes, but it hasn’t. It only gets worse.”
“I know. I miss you, too.” She closed her eyes and turned her face toward the sky, savoring what little sun shone down on them. A moment later, she was shrouded in darkness. She opened her eyes to see Tanner standing over her, both his hands extended.
“Come on, I’ll help you up.”
Nodding, she took both of his hands, and he yanked her up and straight into his arms. She didn’t pull away but instead rested her hands on his biceps. She cursed the layers upon layers of clothes separating them. Slowly, he lowered his head, his lips inching closer to hers, his intent clear in his eyes. She sucked in a breath. “Tanner…”
He stopped abruptly and rested his forehead to hers. “Sorry.” His smile was tight but unapologetic.
“No, it’s okay.” She moved out of his arms and instantly missed him. “Maybe we should go back inside.”
“Nonsense. We haven’t built a snowman yet. Or a snow fort.” He gave her another boyish grin, and she couldn’t resist.
“Okay, lead the way.” She followed him across the backyard where he proceeded to show her how to build the ultimate snowman.
…
For the six days leading up to Christmas, Tanner and Xander kept Juliana so busy she didn’t have time to even think about talking to Tanner, let alone do it. After the first day playing in the snow, they went sledding and ice skating. They’d gone shopping, went to the movies, to an arcade and pool hall. All of it had been so much fun. She’d barely found the time to text Devon to let him know where she was and how she was doing. But when she did, he’d been way more enthusiastic than she expected, telling her how happy he was for her.
And now it was Christmas Day. Juliana stood in the living room doorway, watching as the Collins family exchanged gifts. When she first arrived, Tanner had introduced her as a friend from school, which wasn’t a lie, but it drove home the harsh reality that she didn’t belong. She was a friend. Not a girlfriend. Not a future daughter-in-law. Just some girl who needed to cash in on the kindness of a family that wasn’t hers. And she loathed being that person.
Sadness filled her. She didn’t get to spend a lot of Christmases with her parents, but the ones she did get were wonderful. Her father would sit near the tree and play Santa, handing out the gifts one by one, making them take turns opening them.
She gripped her coffee mug tighter, taking comfort from the heat seeping through the ceramic. She brought it to her lips and took a sip, smiling at how perfectly happy Tanner’s family seemed. Would she ever have a family like this someday? She wanted it, more than anything.
“Juliana, come, join us.” Debbie waved at her to come into the living room. “There are a couple of gifts over here with your name on them.”
She nearly choked on her coffee. Who had bought her gifts? She glanced at Tanner, who patted the spot beside him on the couch. Taking a deep breath, she went over. His mom handed her a small box wrapped in shimmering red paper. The tag read: To Jules, From Xander. Carefully opening it, she looked inside the box to find a plastic pile of fake poop. She held it up and stared at Xander.
“You’ve never given a shit, so I figured I’d give you some to at least have.” He shrugged. “That way, you can tell people you’re full of shit, but you don’t actually give a shit.”
She shook her head and smiled. “Thanks, Xander.”
“You’re a dick.” Tanner leaned over the coffee table and punched him in the arm. “Sorry, Jules.”
“Don’t be. It’s actually kinda funny.”
