Page 99 of My Favorite Mistake

“No.”

Connor released her wrists with a loud huff and jerked his face away. “Get out of my house. I don’t need your pity. I don’t need anyone coddling me. I don’t want to see your fuckin’there, there Connorface. Go home.”

He started out of the room, and she stomped after him. “You know what, Connor? A long time ago, you told me the Point was going to beourhome. And last weekend, your dad said the day after you got back, you rented this place. So maybe thisissupposed to be my home. The only reason it’s not is you crawled under a rock after Javier died instead of letting me come here to help you!”

Connor hooked around a corner into a room and slammed the door in her face. She twisted the knob and swung it open just in time to see him throw himself on a large bed with his back to her.

“Fucking old house with no fucking locks on the fucking doors!” he bellowed and then pulled a pillow over his head. “Fuck!”

“Connor.” Liza sat on the foot of the bed and sighed loudly. “If you can give me one reason you want me to leave that has nothing to do with that situation, and only to do withme,I will go home right now.”

“Okay. You’re pissing me off.”

“Why am I pissing you off?”

“You’re fucking full of pity.”

“I’m actually not, but why do you think I am?”

A low growl emerged from under the pillow, and she placed her hand on his calf.

“Connor, I know Javier was your best friend, and I can’t even imagine how awful and traumatic that situation was.” She paused and swallowed hard. “But did it occur to you that he was my friend, too? We all met on the same night, and he was there every time I saw you for six months. I loved him, too. And I had to find out from your angry dad onlylast weekendthat he…he…”

There was no forcing any more words past the lump in her throat, so she simply continued to stroke his calf. The bedroom was as stark as the rest of the house with walls a lovely, inviting sage green. White hurricane blinds on the windows. A modest oak dresser against one wall. A nightstand. A closet. Everything clean and tidy. Even the bed had been perfectly made before Connor threw himself on it.

“I told you I don’t want to talk about my fuckin’ feelings.”

Anger suddenly ignited Liza’s veins, and she jerked the pillow off his head. “I’m not talking aboutyour fuckin’ feelings. I’m talking aboutmine.I have alotof feelings about alotof things, and you’ve stolen so many opportunities formeto talk about them that I’ve lost count.” She pitched the pillow on the floor and jumped off the bed. “You ended our relationship because of howyoufelt. You were so destroyed that you didn’t want me anymore. Or maybe you had so much guilt over what happened that you were convinced that you couldn’t be everything I wanted and needed you to be. So you made that choice, but guess what. Your choice forced a choice and a different life on me, and I gotno sayinanyof it. You didn’t give a fuck aboutmyfeelings, and you still don’t.”

Liza stepped over the pillow and marched out of the room, slamming the door behind her. For such a supposedly simple layout, Connor’s shotgun house might as well have been a goddamned maze. She found herself in a room that she suddenly couldn't be sure was the one she'd just come through and tried a door.

Closet.

Fuck.

She tried the other one and let out a shriek when she found Connor standing right there.

“God dammit!”She slapped his chest in startled shock spliced with anger, and then burst into tears. Covering her face with her hands, she attempted to try another door, but couldn't get her hand on the knob before Connor held her elbows, spun her around, and gathered her into his arms.

He hugged her so tightly that she almost couldn't breathe. But then his chest heaved once against her as he uttered a strangled sigh, and she'd be damned if she let go.

As far as Liza knew, it was the only time in the battle-weary man's adult life that he'd openly cried. With him silently weeping in her hair, there was no holding back the surging tidal wave of heartache from so many things, and she anchored her fingertips into his back, holding on for dear life as she sobbed like she'd never sobbed in her life.

The flimsy dam that had been perilously holding back the honesty about their feelings for each other collapsed, and the excruciating climax to the song-and-dance they’d been doing for months crashed all around them.

“I love you,” came his utterly broken and emotionally wasted voice. “Don’t leave. I'm so sorry, Liza. I'm just so sorry. Please don’t leave.”

“I love you, too. I won’t leave, but don’t push me away again.Pleasedon’t push me away again. All I ever wanted was to be there for you. I just want to be with you.”

Connor slid his hands through the mass of her hair and framed her face, finding her mouth with his, and pressing her lips with a deep, yet tender kiss. “I never stopped. I loved you always, and I still do. I missed you so much I thought it would kill me, but I don’t know how to be anything good for you.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her cheek against his. “You do, though. Just be you. You were always good for me. And things are completely different now, but you’re still so good for me. Look at what we’ve done together in only a few months. Look how we are with each other. We’re friends. We’ve been friends. We’re in such a better place now.” She drew her head back to look at him and stroked her thumb below his eyes to wipe his tears. “Don’t be afraid of me, Connor. Don’t be afraid to let me love you.”

“I’m afraid ofhurtingyou.” He flipped his hand in the direction of the kitchen. “Look at what I did in there just now. Look at what I did the night we were at the Spotted Cat. Or when you were trying to have that meeting. Or when my dad showed up at the Old Point. I lose control, and Ihurtyou.” He cupped her cheek and pressed their foreheads together. “You’re the last person in the world I want to hurt, and I do it anyway. And what I did after Morales…I’ve never been that cruel to anyone else in my life, and I was that cruel to you.” He closed his eyes. “I don’t understand you, Liza. I don’t understand why I do those things to you. And I don’t deserve you. You’re so amazing, and that shouldn’t be wasted on the likes of me. That’s why I did it. I’m so sorry, but I did tell you I had damn good reasons.”

“I think those are shitty reasons because they’re all based on bullshit lies you believe about yourself.” She gripped the back of his neck and drew their lips together again. “Believe me,” she said against his mouth and between kisses deep with aching need. “Believe this.”

“Help me.”

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