“Do you mind?” she said to Scott after standing up and stepping over to the record player.
“Oh yeah.” Scott waved his hand. “By all means.” He chuckled and glanced behind him. “Where is my wife? I wonder if I should be worried that thing isn’t going already.”
Liza picked up a Louis Armstrong record, settled it on the plate, and lowered the needle. “I think I heard Caroline requesting the ‘sleeping rollers.’”
Scott smiled and a quiet laugh rumbled in the back of his throat. “Gotta love little girls.”
“Hear, hear.” Connor sipped his drink. “Especially your little girl. Almost as good as having one of my own.”
“I’m sure you’ll have your own one day, too.” Scott laughed again. “But just so you know, Ophelia’s already got two savings accounts set up. One for college, and one for the inevitable wedding. Apparently, little girls are twice as expensive as little boys.”
Liza suddenly felt sick and left the room as discreetly as possible, though she was fully aware of the two pairs of eyes on her as she walked through the doorway to the kitchen. She found a sleeve of crackers in the pantry and helped herself to some as she managed to overhear the continued conversation.
“Probably shouldn’t talk about that stuff in front of her,” Connor said, so low his voice was almost a whisper.
“Oh,” came Scott’s voice, equally low. “I guess that was something y’all probably discussed.”
Connor paused for a long time. Long enough that Liza thought he might have ended the conversation with a wave of his hand, until he said, “Yeah, something like that.”
Liza crunched quietly on the crackers while her brow furrowed tensely.
It was obvious Connor had talked to Scott about her just like he’d talked to Brennan about her. Liza wondered if their former relationship had been on Connor’s mind so much that he’d brought it up early on after meeting them. And pondering that, of course, made Liza think of Ophelia’s phrasing about Connor losing someone.
It was really unpleasant, Ophelia had said.
Now knowing exactly what happened—knowing that Javier had died on the lawn between their two houses; knowing that Scott and Ophelia had been there—Liza guessed they’d probably listened as Connor undoubtedly reeled in the aftermath. She knew Connor had a tendency to get loose lips when he was drunk. If he’d been drunk immediately after not only the death of Javier, but also the phone call that ended their relationship, he probably talked about her. And apparently, given the phrasing of Scott’s question just now, Connor had probably mentioned how serious they used to be.
Liza twisted the sleeve of the crackers to close it and put it back in the pantry, then got a glass of water.
Could it be that Connor had grieved the loss ofheralongside the loss of his best friend?
Could he have been just as destroyed over losing her as she was over losing him, even though he felt it was necessary after Javier had died?
I’m a failure, Connor had said.
Not even the idea of a good life with a good woman could motivate him to get his act together,his father had said.
A rock lodged itself in Liza’s throat.
Connor ended their relationship because he believed he’d failed at keeping the promises he’d made to her. The most influential person in his life underscored the idea that he’d failed. And Connor simply gave up. It was classic self-sabotage.
Based on what he’d just said, Lizaknewhe still wanted the things they had dreamed about and planned. And based on what he’d let slip in his drunken state the previous weekend, she had every reason to believe the person he still wanted those things with washer.
But because of everything else, he wouldn’t let himself even consider the idea of pursuing any of it. All those demons hidden within him probably screamed on a daily basis,you don’t deserve that because you’re not good enough.
All Liza wanted to do right then was drag Connor out of the house and have this conversation, but it seemed impossible and dicey. Not only was henot exactly the type of guy who likes to talk about his feelings, but also, if they were somehow together again it would require total transparency and honesty. And the aftershocks of Connor’s infamous phone call were so devastating that she’d never be able to tell him. Brennan’s advice had always been mostly solid, but he was wrong about her needing to tell Connor what happened after that phone call. It would destroy him, and she knew it.
Liza emptied the glass and placed it in the dishwasher, then made her way back into the living room.
She paused within arm’s length of Scott and offered her hand. “I’m going to head out. Thanks for having me again. These dinners are always fun.”
Scott stood as he shook her hand. “Absolutely. Thanks for joining us. Come any time. We love having you.”
Liza forced a genuine smile that belied the nagging ache of her heart. “Tell your girls bye for me.”
Scott gave a nod. “Will do.”
She turned to Connor. “Think you can make it across the lawn okay, or do you need a ride?”